Frantic quotes from The Awesomes

Frantic

Why were those apes making you feel so bad about yourself?

Prock

Because that's what happens at weddings.

Impresario

Oh, I'll pass.

Frantic

Suit yourself. More stuffed crust pizza for the rest of us. Ha ha.

Concierge

This is a fancy restaurant. They're not gonna have stuffed crust pizza.

Frantic

Um, it's an "I-talian" restaurant. I think it'd be pretty embarrassing if they didn't.

Muscleman

I'm gonna order gabagool so I can finally find out what it is.

Concierge

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Frantic

Joseph Gordon-Levitt?

Concierge

No.

Frantic

Ha ha. Joseph, Jesus' dad. That makes more sense.

Prock

Okay, listen up. These are our streets and these cock-a-roaches think they can come in and take over. Well, it's time we made them an offer they can't refuse. Because you don't bring a knife to a gunfight, and you don't bring a gun to a knife fight.

Frantic

No time for a speech! You're mixing genres.

Concierge

You didn't bring anything?

Frantic

I got superspeed, if I need something I'll just run home, get it, and run back.

Concierge

You can run across the ocean?

Frantic

Hey, Prock, can I borrow your toothpaste?

Concierge

Where are we?

Prock

It's a portal! To another world!

Gadget Gal

Which world?

Prock

I don't know!

Frantic

Mattress World?

Prock

Probably not.

Muscleman

Boy Meets World?

Prock

That's not a world!

Muscleman

I hope I get to meet Mr. Feeny.

Frantic

Ooh, oh this is just the best. So much better than the theme park I went to as a kid. "Wet Place." That was just a wet washcloth in the middle of a cornfield.

Tim

Where did you grow up again?

Frantic

In the middle of a cornfield.

Concierge

Technically, whales aren't fish. They're mammals.

Frantic

Technically, you aren't fun to be around. You are a bummer.

Concierge

Everything is sung in a musical. It's equal parts inefficient and stupid.

Frantic

You said that about me once.

Concierge

And?

Muscleman

So, an archaeologist. What's it like working with dinosaur bones?

That's a paleontologist. I'm an archaeologist.

Frantic

Ooh, I love archaeology. What's your favorite mineral?

That's a geologist.

Frantic

Oh, you fix people's gums and then you buy them fancy clothes?

That's a periodontist and a personal shopper, respectively; what I do...

Gadget Gal

He's a grave robber.

Close enough.

Prock

But on the bright side, we did manage to sideline the return of the world's great villains.

Muscleman

Right, teen girls.

Prock

Actually, I meant Hitler, Goebbels, and Himmler.

Frantic

Oh, those were the names of the dinosaurs?

Prock

The Nazis.

Frantic

That was my next guess.

Concierge

You can't go.

Frantic

Whaaat? But I had Impresario make this tux for me.

Concierge

It's for women only.

Gadget Gal

Although I've always considered gay men the women of the male community.

Muscleman

Yeah, I want to go. Women only; that's sexist. Men want to look at girls' butts, too.

Concierge

We're not going there to look at girls' butts.

Muscleman

Oh, you're a breast man.

We're going to support other women.

Muscleman

Oh, so you're a bra man.

Tim

That doesn't make any sense.

Muscleman

It makes a little bit of sense.

Had a change of heart, Frantic?

Frantic

I've decided it's not fair to make people come out before they're ready.

Impresario

Or to, you know, poison them to death.

Frantic

People should be able to decide for themselves whether they want to be out of the closet.

Impresario

Or be alive or dead.

Prock

I don't know if any of you have been paying attention, but we're second rate heroes.

Frantic

Second rate? That's two rates better than the meat we used to eat as kids.