Muscleman quotes from The Awesomes

Muscleman

Don't worry about the plan, people. We are the new Awesomes, led by our fearless leader, Professor Doctor. A brain as big as Baltimore and brass cajones to match. What do we do, Prock?

Gadget Gal

Wow. Look at him go.

Muscleman

Yeah, you got to be a little impressed at how fast he can run. Nice form, buddy!

Muscleman

Everyone watches this show. It's your chance to tell the world the Awesomes are alive and you are in charge.

Prock

But it's a gotcha show. He's going to try to trick me into looking stupid.

Muscleman

Or is it a "getcha" show, where after the interview, people will get ya.

Prock

There's no such thing as a "getcha" show.

Muscleman

Gotcha.

Dr. Malocchio

Now you can't walk down the street without worrying some brawny so-called hero is going to be swinging a girder like a baseball bat just to stop a simple bank heist.

Muscleman

I do that. It's really fun.

Tim

How about you, Hotwire? How did you get started?

Hotwire

Oh, you know, it's not that interesting.

Muscleman

It's okay. Concierge was boring and we didn't mind.

Concierge

I thought you weren't listening.

Muscleman

Listening to what?

Muscleman

On the bright side...

Prock

Don't say German porn.

Muscleman

Well then the glass is half-empty.

Muscleman

This is bad news.

Prock

Why? Your German pornography can't help us?

Muscleman

No. I left it in the car.

Muscleman

So which Earth is this? Earth 2?

Concierge

No, it's opposites. Which means this is Earth 4. Earth 2 is where everybody is really fat.

Frantic

What's Earth 3?

Concierge

Earth 3 is run by apes.

Gadget Gal

I thought Earth 3 was Nazis.

Concierge

It was, then the apes went to war with the Nazis and took over.

Impresario

Way to go, apes!

Muscleman

I would have really liked to see the Nazi-ape war.

Muscleman

Ah, that was fun.

Prock

Fun?

Muscleman

Well, technically, it was awful. But I'm going to say it was fun because we're on opposite Earth. I think it's important to try and fit in.

Impresario

Ooh, I like that. I mean, I hate that.

Concierge

You guys are geniuses. i.e,. idiots.

Prock

Everyone, stop talking.

Tim

Don't you mean, "nobody start being quiet"?

Prock

Arrgh.

Frantic

The correct expression is, "Yay!"

Prock

What?

Tim

Sometimes we forget you're smart.

Prock

I'm a super-genius. How can you forget that?

Impresario

I guess the other stuff like being injury-prone and whiny kind of takes first position.

Prock

I'm not whiny!

Muscleman

Ha. Good opposite Earth joke.

Frantic

My cousin used to make patterns in the cornfield with a tractor. He said he was sending signals to alien lifeforms.

Muscleman

That's crazy.

Frantic

What's crazy is how he died.

Muscleman

Aliens?

Frantic

No, the horse he was having sex with fell on him.

Muscleman

Robots? Holy crap.

Tim

Yeah, what did you think was happening?

Muscleman

No time to think! Now, to think about what to do.

Prock

You can't keep doing things like this. Didn't you hear anything I said about us getting back on track as as heroes?

Muscleman

I was trying to listen, but it was very boring.

Muscleman

When you steal music, you steal from the artist. I was defending... Tori Amos? Why is a 9-year-old listening to Tori Amos?

I'm going through some stuff.

Impresario

In the future, Muscleman, don't ask about the escape plan in front of those you are endeavoring to escape from!

Muscleman

Knew it as soon as I said it.

Frantic

If it makes you feel any better, we didn't have a plan.

Muscleman

That does make me feel a little better.

Muscleman

Oh, come on. We've been successful.

Concierge

Have we? Collateral damage, lawsuits, and destruction of beloved historical landmarks does not fit my definition of "success."

Muscleman

Well, lady, I guess you and I have different dictionaries. (pulls out "Baby's 1st Dictionary")

Concierge

You're an imbecile.

Muscleman

Well, you're a... (looks it up) duck.