Prock quotes from The Awesomes

Prock

Do you not like Hotwire?

Muscleman

I like her, but... well, I like her butt. It's the rest of her I don't... trust.

Prock

The Gopher King!

Muscleman

Wait! Are you sure he's not Badger Man or the Evil Weasel?

Concierge

Badger Man's dead and the Evil Weasel only burrows for good, remember?

Gadget Gal

I know I shouldn't say this, but they all look the same to me.

Hotwire

Prock, I found it. It's right next to the anti-Irish ray.

Prock

Uh, yeah, that belonged to Gadget Gal back in the day. Different times.

Concierge

Isn't it weird for the nominee to also work the red carpet?

Prock

Frantic said if I didn't let him do it, he would murder me until I was dead.

Prock

Thanks for coming, Black Irish.

(gravelly voiced) Yeah, I sensed you guys were looking for me.

Impresario

No, that can't be your real voice.

You got a problem with it?

Impresario

No. But you should.

Prock

Impresario, now is not the time.

Impresario

It's never the time to leave asthma untreated.

Stop talking or I'm gone.

Impresario

Gone to the doctor to get your throat checked out?

Prock

These boxes are going to the White House. So are we.

Impresario

Oh, I am not traveling in a box.

Prock

It's the only way.

Impresario

Well, put me down as fussy about that.

Frantic

And put me down as excited. When I was young, my parents often made me sleep in a box. One time, they even buried it.

Prock

Wow. Thanks, Gadget Gal. I've spent my whole life thinking I wasn't half the hero my dad was.

Gadget Gal

Well, you're wrong. You're exactly half the man your dad was.

Prock

You can't just put on a suit and start saving people.

Concierge

So you're upset he stopped those criminals?

Prock

"Alleged" criminals. That's the problem with these vigilantes. They jump to conclusions when we don't even have all the facts.

Tim

They were pointing a gun at her.

Impresario

And one of them said, "Don't mess with me. I'm a criminal."

Prock

Until we have all the facts, we just don't know.

Frantic

Yeah, maybe she's the one who was attacking them.

Prock

Exactly.

Frantic

Or maybe it didn't even happen, and we're not even watching the news, and it's just tiny people putting on a play inside our TV.

Prock

Well, no, it's not that. It's never that.

Prock

I can't believe we're going to Hotwire's memorial. I don't know what to expect.

Muscleman

I expect really delicious cookies.

Prock

Why would you think that?

Muscleman

What else would you do at a mmm-Oreo?

Prock

Okay, it's not an "mmm-Oreo," it's a memorial. We're going to honor the memory of our lost friend.

Muscleman

Got it. I will bring my own cookies.

Prock

Or go an hour without cookies.

Prock

You brought a date to your girlfriend's funeral?

Perfect Man

It's what Hotwire could've wanted.

Prock

Hey, maybe we should focus on vacuuming after we fix the huge holes in the wall?

Impresario

Yeah, that's the problem. Not that Prock turned Melacchio Jr. evil or that Prock gave up the code to disable our shield. It's that I'm vacuuming!

Perfect Man

Did somebody say "perfect"?

Prock

Were you just hiding behind a curtain for an hour waiting for someone to say "perfect"?

Perfect Man

I've come to offer my reinstatement as a member of the Awesomes. I think we could really benefit from having someone on the team like me.

Prock

He was waiting behind here for an hour.

Prock

I've prepared these cardboard cutouts... (Perfect Man disintegrates them) Why?

Perfect Man

If there's no jury, they can't find me guilty.

Prock

They can bring in another jury.

Perfect Man

Another jury? It's like the legal system has thought of everything.

Prock

Also, those aren't cutouts you can just buy in a store. It took me like a day to make those. Know what? Never mind.

Prock

And is it not true that you got your diploma not in psychology, but in pie-cology, the study of pies? And due to a typo in your diploma, you've been pretending to be a psychologist ever since?

It's true! It's true! I'm a fraud. But my pies are delightful. You really must try them.

Muscleman

(talking about Catalina Island) Why tie yourself down?

Prock

Because I have a girlfriend.

Frantic

Yes, but what happens in C.I. stays in C.I. Oh, wait. No, that was before they got sued by Las Vegas. No, I'm sorry, Prock. If you want to cheat on your girlfriend, what happens in C.I. is fair game to mention in all other locations.

Prock

No one calls it C.I.

Frantic

I do.