Prock quotes from The Awesomes

Hotwire

Prock, should we arrest them? Or something?

Prock

For what? Lying to their son?

Impresario

My momma never lies to me. She tells me that I'm God's most beautiful creation. And she is right.

Frantic

My parents told me that when I was in my momma's belly, I ate my twin. They would tell me that a lot.

Prock

And by the way, right now you're plenty safe with us. I told Frantic to do recon.

Frantic

And I've been doing reckonin' every since. I reckon when this is over, weh should have catfish. I reckon we're in for a cold snap, and I reckon I should get some new headshots done because I'm about to be famous.

Prock

Wait, so you haven't been doing recon?

Frantic

I have not, because I do not know what that means.

Muscleman

On the bright side...

Prock

Don't say German porn.

Muscleman

Well then the glass is half-empty.

Muscleman

This is bad news.

Prock

Why? Your German pornography can't help us?

Muscleman

No. I left it in the car.

Muscleman

Ah, that was fun.

Prock

Fun?

Muscleman

Well, technically, it was awful. But I'm going to say it was fun because we're on opposite Earth. I think it's important to try and fit in.

Impresario

Ooh, I like that. I mean, I hate that.

Concierge

You guys are geniuses. i.e,. idiots.

Prock

Everyone, stop talking.

Tim

Don't you mean, "nobody start being quiet"?

Prock

Arrgh.

Frantic

The correct expression is, "Yay!"

Prock

What?

Tim

Sometimes we forget you're smart.

Prock

I'm a super-genius. How can you forget that?

Impresario

I guess the other stuff like being injury-prone and whiny kind of takes first position.

Prock

I'm not whiny!

Muscleman

Ha. Good opposite Earth joke.

Prock

First of all, we didn't zip. We were zapped. Huge difference.

Impresario

I may have zapped my pants on re-entry, if you know what I mean.

Tim

Uh, who wouldn't know what you mean?

Prock

Is there any way to appeal the decision?

Yes, you can appeal it verbally to my right now.

Prock

I feel like you're just going to say no.

Well, you won't know until you appeal.

Prock

Will you please...?

No.

Gadget Gal

Who wants some nose candy?

Gadget Gal

And by that, I mean Dr. Bloomer's Nose Lozenges.

Prock

Oh, that's fine, then.

Gadget Gal

Made from pure cocaine.

Prock

But robots always turn on us.

Says who?

Prock

Says the "Robots Always Turn on Us" mural.

Prock

But I'm not crazy.

Impresario

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, baby.

Frantic

Nope, it's also a stripper my daddy used to let sleep over. Ohh, Mary Ann Denial. You are likely dead.

Prock

You can't keep doing things like this. Didn't you hear anything I said about us getting back on track as as heroes?

Muscleman

I was trying to listen, but it was very boring.

Concierge

If you can describe the alien, I can cross-check the database and find their home planet.

Prock

Hmm, how best to describe it?

Gadget Gal

I would say it had a... healthy face, with a buxom overtone.

Frantic

To use the parlance of cows, I would say there was an udder quality.

Tim

It looked like the magazines under my dad's bed.

Impresario

Ah, just say it. It had tits for eyes.

Concierge

Gleeborian.

Tim

That's a funny name.

Concierge

It's a Syrenthian word.

Tim

What does it mean?

Concierge

"Tits for eyes."

Hotwire

How does he find them?

Prock

I blame Gregslist.

Hotwire

You mean Craigslist?

Prock

No, Gregslist. If you want something even Craig won't touch, you turn to Greg.

(walking in) Did someone call for Greg?

Get out of here, Greg!

Oh, suit yourself. Hey, darling, if you ever want to make some real money, give me a ring.

Get out of here, Greg!

Frantic

Yeah! Think outside the box! Think outside the box! Everybody!

Think outside the box! Think outside the box!

Prock

Guys! What did I say about group chants?

We don't have to do it every time Frantic starts one.

Prock

Thank you.