Weasel quotes from The Animals of Farthing Wood

Owl

Thought you'd got lost.

Adder

Sorry to disappoint you.

Owl

If you're so slow, how slow is a slow-worm?

Adder

They're just lizards without legsss!

Owl

You're as proud as Toad.

Adder

Not possible. Fox and Vixen have made him feel so important, his head's swollen to the size of a puffball.

Weasel

Coming for a hunt?

Owl

[yawning] At this time of day?

Weasel

Please yourselves.

Owl

When there is no way forward, the only way is back.

Fox

The hunt! We can't go back!

Weasel

[jeering] We could!

Mrs. Hare

Yes we could. You're just being selfish.

Badger

HOW DARE YOU! After all Fox has done for us! Why he could have stayed with Vixen and left us to our fate, but he came back didn't he? And why? Because we animals stick together.

Mole

Hooray!

Vixen

Kestrel, can you see them?

Kestrel

They're coming this way! I think they're on your scent!

Fox

We've no choice.

Badger

To the road!

Mr. Vole

Can we vote on it please?

Fox

No time.

Owl

Sometimes fear of one evil overcomes the fear of another.

Weasel

In other words, let's scarper!

Take that! [throws can out of the car]

Fox

Don't run into the road! Weasel, don't!

Weasel

[throws the can back through their window] Take THAT!

Owl

You are standing on poisoned land. It's in the ground we walk on, the air we breathe, and the plants which seem so luscious are probably deadly!

Weasel

AAAGH!

But.. but how?

Owl

It was done deliberately.

Fox

The farmer! I knew I recognized that smell.

Owl

He keeps the poison hidden from his own kind. There are some things even humans don't approve of.

Fox

You'll do as I tell you, or else.

Weasel

Or else what?

Fox

Or else I'll bite your head off.

Weasel

Step on a crack, break your father's back! Step on a line, you're doing fine!

Weasel

Sorry! Thought you were a crack in the pavement!

Adder

Then you ssshouldn't have stepped on me. You'll get bad luck!

Weasel

Not me! I'm the luckiest weasel in the whole wide world! The luckiest weasel...

Weasel

AAAGH!

Adder

Sssee? What did I tell you?

Weasel

Ooh! Nice!

Badger

Yeeuch! Disgusting!

Weasel

[slurs] No! Nice! I'm nice too Badger, when you get to know me! *hic* Which you will, now that we're holed up together!

Badger

Stop it!

Weasel

[slurs] I'm still thirsty! You know Badger, humans can be nice too! In fact, I could get to quite like them!

Badger

Weasel... are you feeling alright?

Weasel

[slurs] Never better old chap! [falls over]

Weasel

[slurs] Here we go, here we go, here we go!

What on earth?

Here! You got a licence for that one Brian?

Badger

What are we going to do about Weasel?

Owl

Leave her! I would.

Weasel

[slurs] Can't go without Weasel! You know Badger, you've been like a father to me, you have! I've always looked onto you with the highest... hic!

Weasel

And you can shut up! Call that sympathy?!?

Fox

No. I call it plain annoying!

Mr Vole

Quick! Take cover! (Mr Fieldmouse and Mr Vole disappear, but Mrs Vole doesn't budge)

Fox

I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm on my way home when I hear this horrible din! So, I come to investigate and what do I find? You. Now can I give you a word of advice, Weasel. Instead of winding everybody else up, why don't you just wind down?

Mr Vole

In brief Fox I ask you on the oath of Farthing Wood, did you or did you not eat my... mother?

Fox

On the oath of Farthing Wood, no. I did not.

Mr Vole

Well I don't believe you!

Fox

Oh what is the point.

Weasel

Am I missing something?

Owl

Fox stands accused of... of devouring Mrs Vole.

Weasel

Oh? How's that? I saw Scarface eating her!

Vixen

She was on Farthing Land. She should have been safe!

Weasel

Nobody's safe with him around!

Scarface

Eating mice, are you?

Weasel

Er, er, yes! Want one?

Scarface

I prefer live prey.

Weasel

Ahahaha! Er...

Scarface

Aren't they Farthing Wood mice? Tut tut tut!

Weasel

No, and anyway Mr Scarface, sir, they died of a cold so there. Which is more than can be said for the vole you ate!

Scarface

Ah, so you saw that did you?

Weasel

Yes I did! And Mr Scarface, I'm afraid I have to tell you that particular vole was a friend of mine - a Farthing Wood vole!

Scarface

(menacingly) So, what are you going to do about it?

Weasel

Er... nothing.

Scarface

Did you happen to tell anyone you saw me eating a Farthing Wood vole Weasel?

Scarface

Are you quite sure about that?

Scarface

That's good, because if you had told anyone, Scarface would have killed you. Just like I killed your friend. GOT IT?

Weasel

Suppose I kept right out of Fox's way, stayed off Farthing Land, you know, I mean I can't tell old Blubot what I don't know can I?

Measley

Didn't help you just now. He said "It's your job to know"! I mean, you're supposed to be his spy Weasel.

Weasel

I know but...

Measley

Weasel, I like you. In fact I think you're gorgeous! In fact I'm dotty about you! But if you're going to be silly I'm not going to stay around to see the result! I want to live - even if you don't!

Weasel

Cowardy cowardy custard!

Kestrel

Hello old friend.

Weasel

I'm no friend of yours! I'm a gorse bush!

Kestrel

No you're not! You're Weasel!

Weasel

Oh, why don't you leave me alone!

Measley

I've been fine all this time because I kept clear from you!

Weasel

But it wasn't my fault you were shot at!

Measley

Whenever I see you something terrible happens! You're bad news Weasel!