Fox quotes from The Animals of Farthing Wood

Adder

Psst! Still here Foxy, submerged... but not sunk!

Fox

Oh shut up!

Adder

What am I supposssed to do with thisss? Eat it?

Fox

Hang onto it, you silly slithering...

Adder

Say you're sorry!

Fox

Alright! If you insist!

Badger

Traveled too far yesterday, Fox.

Toad

Too fast for us small animals, too slow for you.

Badger

Hmm, true, Toad. It's very uncomfortable for us larger animals.

Mole

Oh dear, it's all my fault. Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Badger.

Badger

I didn't mean you were making me uncomfortable, Moley. Go on, eat your worms. It's alright.

Fox

You're right, Badger. We can't slow our pace any further. What are we going to do?

Weasel

I know! What Adder needs is a sting in the tail! [laughs] That'll make her move!

Adder

I'll give you a sting in the tail!

Fox

Some weasels never learn.

Fox

Well, I'm afraid we'd better be going. I'd like to get to the other side of the marsh before night. Goodbye, newts, and good luck.

[waving] Thank you for everything, Fox.

Fox

Time to go, everybody.

Badger

Goodbye. Moley? Where have you gone now?

Mole

Here I am.

Badger

[picks Mole up] It's time to go!

Mole

But you said I could look for worms.

Badger

Later! Later.

Owl

One day, Moley, you'll be so fat you'll get stuck down one of your own tunnels!

Mole

[burps] Oh, pardon.

Fox

Throw that away! It might be dangerous!

Weasel

[shocked] Oops!

Mrs. Pheasant

Are you alright, dear?

Mr. Pheasant

I'll never be able to turn my back on anyone again! [sobs]

Mrs. Pheasant

That'll be a nice change.

Fox

Is that all you're worried about?!

Mr. Pheasant

When you've been shot at as often as I have, Fox, you realize nothing's more important than one's personal dignity!

Fox

The quicker we're out of here, the better! Get into single file, everybody, and don't step out of line! This is dangerous country! Toad? Where's Toad?!

Owl

Too tired to move.

Fox

Take a rest, everybody. I'm going back for him.

Badger

Well, at least we're all back together now.

Mole

[tearful] But we're not. Where are the Newts?

Badger

[comforting] Don't ask. There's a good chap. Up you come now.

Fox

Come on, everybody! Let's get out of here! And whatever happens, now we're together, let's stick together!

Mr. Pheasant

[wakes up] DAAAAAH!!!

Mrs. Pheasant

There. That's better now.

Mr. Pheasant

What have you done?!

Mrs. Pheasant

I've just added a stray feather to your tail, dear, to hide the burnt bits. Oooh, it do look lovely!

Mr. Pheasant

[suspicious] What kind of feather?

Mrs. Pheasant

Well, I think it's one of Owl's actually--

Mr. Pheasant

THAT DOWDY FEMALE?!

Owl

Beggars can't be choosers, Pheasant.

Kestrel

You should be grateful.

Mr. Pheasant

Grateful?! What?! [To his wife, Mrs. Pheasant] To have her feathers in my beautiful tail?! Stupid bird! Take it out at once!

Mr. Pheasant

As if any other creature had feathers anywhere near as handsome as mine!

Mrs. Pheasant

[sadly] I was only doing my best.

Fox

Peace... Perfect peace.

Kestrel

[to the Pheasants] Stop squabbling! Can't you see Fox is tired? And look at all the others. Welcome, Badger.

Badger

Thank you, Kestrel. Not much like home, is it?

Owl

Any boat hole in a storm.

Fox

You never said a truer word, Owl. Personally, I'm just glad to get out of the wet.

[to his dog Bruno] Right, Bruno, now's your chance to save your skin. Guard that door. And guard it well. Because if that fox escapes, you'll be as dead as this bird. [he holds up a dead Mrs. Pheasant]

Mr. Pheasant

[wails] My wife!

[to Fox] You wait 'till I'm reloading my gun, Fox. I'll get my own back on you, you see if I don't.

Fox

Check the windows.

Owl

They're shut.

Owl

I'm afraid your wife's going to be the farmer's dinner, Pheasant.

Mr. Pheasant

[cries] Where? Where is she?

Mrs. Hare

Poor Pheasant, no wonder you were so scared all the time.

Weasel

Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you! Ahahaha!

Fox

[hears Bruno growling] It must be some way out. [hears Bruno panting] Owl?

Owl

This is going to take some thinking about. [closes her eyes]

Mum, she's fallen asleep.

Mrs. Rabbit

Shhh... [Bruno growls at the barn door and whines]

Gaah! [goes back to the house and closes the door] That fox is done for this time!

He'll keep. Your dinner won't. [puts down the plate of chicken drumstick and boiled vegetables]

Oh! [closes his shotgun] Women!

My master wants you dead.

Fox

So? He wants every fox dead.

You killed his chickens!

Fox

Oh, no I didn't.

Liar!

Fox

I'm not the only fox around.

You're here.

Fox

Ah, I see. Any fox will do. Is that it? Your master must be very stupid.

[growls] How dare you!

Fox

To kill one fox because another hurt him. That's the same as kicking you because his wife's burnt his dinner!

[realising] Uh? - He does, too!

Fox

I mean, does that make any sense to you?

Er, no. But you still haven't told me why you were lurking round the chicken coop!

Fox

Not for the taste of chicken. I don't even like them. Too many feathers. Achoo!

You're a right one, aren't you? Joking at a time like this! Alright, if it wasn't for the chickens, what was it for?

Fox

Didn't you see the others?

What others?

Fox

My friends. Not foxes. But rabbits. Mice. Hedgehogs. Toads, birds, all kinds!

Your friends?

Fox

We've taken an Oath of Mutual Protection.

What's that when it's at home?

Fox

Well, we've sworn to look after each other on this journey we're doing to a nature reserve. Even humans can't hurt you there.

[growls] pull the other one [growls].

Fox

True as I'm standing here.

You're true to your name, I must say, very cunning. But you can't fool me, oh, no. I'm taking you back. I'll get a nice fat reward when my master sees you're dead.

Fox

Oh, no you won't.

Oh, yes I will!

Fox

You won't. He doesn't want you to kill his fox. He wants to do it for himself. All you'll do is rob him of the satisfaction.

[snarls] All right, suits me! I'll take you back alive! [growls]

Fox

Sorry. Can't oblige, old son. If you want me, you'll have to kill me first.

Oh, I don't know. First my master blames me for not catching his fox, then when I've caught him he still blames me.

Fox

That's about it.

You've got me tied in knots, you clever dink!

Fox

You should have caught the right fox. That's all there is to it.

Wild animals, huh. They'll be telling me the cat's made a friend of a mouse next! [Fox sweats] But no, that can't be right. [Fox leaves the entrance and pushes his tail back] Or that I should make a friend of the cat?

That can't be right, either. [Fox runs up to the hill] Now what am I to do? Go home I suppose.

Mr. Pheasant

Psst... Adder. Psst! Adder! UGHHH!

Huh?

Adder

Psssst! PHEASSSANT! GET OUT OF SSSIGHT!

Mr. Pheasant

I can't see anything! Where are you, Adder?

Adder

Never mind you seeing me! Don't let the farmer see you! Whoops! [she hides]

Mr. Pheasant

...Farmer?

Badger

Oh... NO!

Mrs. Hare

If that's Pheasant, I'll never forgive myself.

Owl

Need another volunteer, Fox?

Fox

Owl, I'd be grateful if you were a little less critical and a little more helpful.

Owl

You want me to help?

Fox

You could offer to go back for Adder.

Owl

[yawning] I suppose I could.

Fox

So why don't you?

Owl

Well, it's almost night and wings are faster than the fleetest of foot. So I suppose I might as well volunteer. [takes off flying] See you soon!

Fox

That bird.

Badger

Look. A stranger.

Fox

What happened to Pheasant?

Owl

You need me to tell you?

Mrs. Hare

I knew it! Poor Pheasant! And I was so unkind to him...

Mr. Hare

Now he's got something to cry about.

Mrs. Hare

That's just it - he'll never cry anymore! [sobbing]

Mr. Hare

Don't you start!

Fox

I should never have let him go.

Owl

[critical] True.

Fox

Rabbits! What are you doing?!

We're PANICKING!

Badger

I can't see what's happening.

Weasel

The Rabbits are panicking and swimming round in circles in the middle of the river!

Badger

Grrr. Those rabbits. Even with one your problems are multiplied. [calling out to Fox] Fox, do you need any help?

Help...No! Save me!

Fox

Stop going round in circles. Swim straight in front of you!

Three... six... ten?

Fox

No... fourteen!

[surprised] Good lord that's enough!

Bit ironic really. Been hunting foxes all my life and here I am now chinwagging with you?

Fox

Hunting?

Yah. A lot of that around here. Oh dear, sore point eh? Didn't mean to upset you.

Fox

Isn't your fault.

True, only obeying orders. Humans are a funny lot. Cruel one minute, kind the next. Take them as they come I suppose.