This is my 27th greatest invention ever. Behold, the Neutronic Monster Maker!
Simply select a monster, step under the cone of creation, and it'll realign your molecules to make you look like that monster- down to each horrifying atom.
CarlCool! But Sheen, you got to promise that when you're scary, you won't scare me.
I've downloaded every monster imaginable. I have 102 different monsters to choose from. Here are your choices. [clears throat] A werewolf…
That's it- I want to be the wolf guy!
Sheen, I have 101 other monsters.
I know, Jimmy, but it's been my lifelong dream to be covered in hair.
All right, werewolf it is. What about you, Carl? The Hunchback of Notre Dame?
Carl
Uh… too hunchy.
Carl
Too blobby.
The Phantom of the Opera?
Carl
Too Opera-y.
Carl
No, I don't like his wardrobe. I'm more of a summer. [gasps] Who's the guy with the cape?
Carl
Yeah, he has a cape. I want to be Dracula!
All right, Dracula and a werewolf it is.
Carl
Hey, I don't want to drink blood anymore.
Huh. I've lost all desire to consume human flesh.
Hey, I can speak in complete sentences. Now, where's my scary little Sugarbooger?
[holding a plate of banana balls and prune puffs] Right here, you monster. Who's up for banana balls and prune puffs?
[Everyone expresses in disgust]
We never got to go trick-or-treating.
And we left behind all our candy when we changed into monsters.
Carl
I bet it's gone by now.
No candy on Halloween? That is scary.
OMOctopus Man Jimmy
Don't worry. I can fix that.
Carl, Sheen, to the lake! [cut to Carl screaming as they're at the lake] You gonna keep doing that?
Carl
I'm sorry, Jim. I just have some bad associations with this lake.
Everyone has something they're afraid of Carl. For me, it's the crawl space under grandma's house. For you, it's a stupid lake!
What happened here, Carl?
Carl
Well, two years ago, I came here with my pet turtle, Snappy. [Flashback to two years ago; voice-over] He was my best friend, but I was allergic to him. [his cheeks swell up due to his allergic reaction] So I had to release him right here on this beach. And ever since, the lake has filled me with feelings of nausea, blind terror, and then more nausea.
Carl
AAAAAAHHHHH! [gets down on his knees to Miss Fowl] Cindy gave me a dollar to vote for Libby! Sheen was blackmailing me with a photo! Jimmy was playing the best friend card and using scantily clad women!
[angrily glares at Jimmy, Sheen, Cindy, and Libby; The three whistle while Cindy checks her nails] It looks like some of our candidates have been found guilty of bribery, blackmail, and MURDER! [class screams] Sorry, not murder. I meant operating a zeppelin on school premises. Anyway, they're all illegal campaign activities, which means Jimmy, Sheen and Libby are disqualified!
Say, Jimmy, you're not going to stomp on Carl's dreams again, are you?
Carl
Oh, that's okay, Sheen. Now that I've had some fudge, I feel much better.
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, Carl. I just didn't want you to be disappointed by impossible wishes like, well, like I was.
Carl
What do you mean?
Well, two years ago, I wrote Santa asking for a core sample from Dwarf Star NG738. [Flashback to Christmas morning, two years ago when he enters the living room; voice-over] I wanted it more than anything ever. When I opened my presents on Christmas morning...no dwarf star. [back to the present] That was the saddest day of my life. [Sheen laughs] Sheen, what's so funny?
Isn't it obvious, Jimmy? You were just naughty that year!
What are you talking about?
Well, wasn't that the year you almost destroyed the Earth?
No, you guys are missing the point.
Jimmy was naughty! Jimmy was naughty!
[Episode starts at Lindbergh Elementary School; the bell rings and all the students leave Miss Fowl's classroom after taking a history test]
Okay, that history test was hard.
Yeah, now I know how you guys feel when I beat on you.
Carl
Four score and seven years ago... oxygen!
Hey, guys! Man, that test was cake! I didn't know whether to answer the questions to put frosting on 'em, am I right? Am I right?
Actually, Sheen, I thought it was fairly challenging.
Challenging? Please! My grandma's chihuahua could've aced it. I've done connect-the-dot drawings that were harder. [Sheen suddenly cringes as Miss Fowl calls for him]
[sticking out from behind the classroom door, wanting to have a talk with him; sharply] SHEEN!!!
Ex-squeeze me, Miss Fowl probably wants to congratulate me on the best job well done ever.
[Later, outside school… Jimmy and Carl look at Sheen's history test up-close, which unfortunately, he now failed with every question answered in Ultra Lord themed topics]
JCJimmy & Carl
Quadruple F-minus?!
Well, how was I supposed to know Ultra Lord wasn't the father of our country? That's what it says on the Ultra Lord website.
Wait, didn't you write the Ultra Lord website?
Your point? [Jimmy rolls his eyes before walking up to his hover car] Oh. Anyway, Miss Fowl said if I don't pass tomorrow's math final, I'm gonna be left back!
Left back?! That's terrible!
Tell me about it! I can't be in a class with a bunch of babies who wet their pants and cry for their mommies!
Well, technically, they'd be the same age we are now, and we don't wet our pants and cry for... [stops and sees Carl sucking his thumb and holding a llama plushie]
Carl
What?
Sheen, I won't allow Miss Fowl to leave you back!
Carl
No way! We're the Three Amigops!
[confused] "The Three Amigops"?
Carl
Yeah, well, you see, I was making us name tags, [shows Jimmy his "Amigops" name tag] and I accidentally added a P to "amigos", so--
Pardon me, but my LIFE IS ENDING!! [dramatically shakes Carl]
Don't worry, Sheen. [as he and Sheen get into the hovercar] We're gonna help you pass that math test if it takes all night!
Carl
Yeah! No one splits up the Three Amigops! [tries to get in, but the hovercar flies off without him, then immediately comes back]
Carl
Okay. [then finally gets into the hovercar and it flies off with all of them in it]
[entering the classroom] Good morrow, scholars. Sorry I'm tardy, I was doing this morning's crossword puzzle in pen.
Big deal. My dad and I do the crossword puzzle all the time.
In the Beijing Times? [holds up and unravels his long crossword puzzle, all answered in Beijing writing]
[giving Sheen his math test] Here's your test, Sheen. Take a seat and get started. Remember, class, if you get stuck on a question, just skip it and come back to it late--
[raises up his finished test] Done!
What? But that's impossible!
Well, I would have even finished sooner if someone hadn't been blathering away.
Sweet muffins! These answers are right!
Of course, they're mostly right, duh. They're somewhat obvious to anyone with half a brain--let alone this slack-jaw collection of nitwits.
[stands up] HEY! My doctor says my jaw's only slightly slack!
Yeah, Ultra Dork, since when did you become Lord of the Smarts?
Since yesterday. Observe! [He gets out of his seat and heads off to the chalkboard with a pull-down sheet of the Periodic Table of Elements] Rb: Rubidium. Alkali metal discovered in 1861, melting point 39° Centigrade. [shows another picture of the planet Neptune] Neptune, eighth planet from the sun. Principal moons: Triton and Nereid. Named for the Roman god of water. [walks over to Carl] Carl Wheezer. Mammalian order: primate. 70% water, 20% carbon, 2% mucus. [Carl sneezes] 1% mucus. Any questions?
Yes. [now determined] How'd you like to SIT DOWN?!? [the class launches into a round of pleads for Sheen to sit down, while Jimmy shakes his head slowly in disappointment]
Go ahead, mock all you want! The barbs of a tiny brain are as nothing to me! [cackles evilly] Miss Fowl, can I be excused?
[points at Miss Fowl] PSYCH! [then runs out of the classroom, as he continues laughing, while Miss Fowl groans in annoyance]
Carl
[in shock] Jimmy, what's wrong with Sheen?
I-I don't know! His IQ should have stopped increasing hours ago. I'd better get to the lab. [raises hand] Miss Fowl, will you not let me not leave the classroom?
Thank you. [gets up and leaves the classroom to follow Sheen, as Miss Fowl exclaims in disappointment]
Carl
[to himself] Jimmy and Sheen need me. I can't let 'em down. [raises hand] Miss Fowl, can I never ever not be dis-excused sometimes?
[points at Carl emphatically] PLANT IT!
Carl
[sits back down nervously] Okay.
[as he and Carl show up from below] Hail, mighty overlord!
Carl
We have brought you a magnificent crown, crafted from the finest semiprecious metals, to celebrate your glorious reign.
Hmm… It is rather fetching. BESTOW IT ON MY HEAD! Not you… [points at Carl] ...Carl.
Carl
[thinking] Baby llamas in the meadow. Baby llamas in the meadow. Oh, no. One of them's escaping! He's heading towards town! "Town" rhymes with "crown"! JIMMY AND I DISGUISED THE BRAIN DRAIN HELMET AS A CROWN!!! AAAHHH!!!
Sheen, please, we're trying to help you! Your brain is growing at a dangerously fast pace!
Silence! You have plotted against the overlord! Your insolence has angered me!
[with a now giant-sized head] I control the wind, and I shall rain fire down from the heavens! Good-bye, Sheen the overlord! HELLO, SHEEN THE GOD!!!!!!
[preparing to leave, having enough] That's it. I've had it with you, and your big freaky head. [walks away]
[to Libby, as he floats down] Wait, come back! You'll like being the wife of a god! I'll let you choose the patio furniture!
UUltra Lord
Greetings! One called "Sheen"..
[astonished] Ultra Lord?!?!?!
[Jimmy and Carl are inside the Ultra Lord costume, controlling him]
Carl
Left, right, left...
UUltra Lord
You betcha! I've come to welcome you, to the Ultra Pantheon of the super-POWERFUL!
Wait a second. How do I know you're not even an impostor?
UUltra Lord
Hmm... I see your point. Well, I guess I'll be on my way.
Wait, don't go! [floats toward Ultra Lord and flies in front of him] It's just, the odds of meeting the ACTUAL Ultra Lord at this very moment, are 16,755 to 1...!
UUltra Lord
Well, if you want to make SURE it's REALLY me, why not ask me a series of difficult trivia questions?
[smiles as he points at Ultra Lord] Hey, good idea!
Ready on the Ultra Lord website, Carl?
Carl
[while looking up the website] I'm on it, Jimmy. Let's do it!
[while reading the screen] On the Planet in Mektar of Vector 8...
UUltra Lord
...on the Nebulon Galaxy!
Right! Now, next question. What's your favorite mid-morning snack?
Carl
[reads the screen] Nitrogen Bar...
UUltra Lord
...and a Decaf Latte!
Bingo! One final question. What did Robo-Fiend say when you blasted him with your ION Ray?
[Carl sneezes, and slams down one of the controls very hard, which causes Ultra Lord to fly across the street]
[excited] Exactamundo! He said "OW, YAAH"! You ARE the real Ultra Lord! Now, join me, Ultra Lord! With your magma photons and my brains, we'll triumph over the galaxy!
UUltra Lord
It's an Ultra deal! But first, I need an Ultra-favor.
UUltra Lord
I need you to... [pulls out the Brain Drain helmet.] ...drain your brain.
[disappointed, yet puzzled] Huh? But...but why?
UUltra Lord
You're too smart! All the other super powerful guys will think you're annoying.
UUltra Lord
Your hero, Ultra Lord, commands you.
[still refusing, impatiently] I WON'T!
UUltra Lord
[demanding] PUT IT ON!
[in a loud, demonic booming voice] YOU DARE TO ORDER ME?! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY BRAIN BOLT!!!!!
Carl
[after circle fade-out] Uh, Sheen.
[Fades in to Carl and Sheen taking a survey near Jimmy's lab at night]
Carl
What was the answer you chosen for question 319?
C.: Lure the tiger away from Jimmy by imitating a chicken strip.
Carl
[smiles] Hmm! Works for me.
[All clones watch Jimmy blast off outside]
EJEvil Jimmy
Hey, you heard the man: do your chores, boys.
But I've never mailed a letter! What if I get my hand stuck in the box?!
Hey, turn that frown upside down, Mr. Gloomy Gus! Everything's gonna be terrific!
[chuckles] Mais oui! Love is all around us.
[Granny Neutron is sitting on a bench at the park, surrounded by birds as Happy Jimmy shows up]
Hello, grandmother, dear.
Where have you been? This bench is too hard. These birds are getting too close. The sun hurts my eyes.
Isn't it a beautiful day? Aren't these birds absolutely amazing? Isn't it great to be alive?!
[Cut to Gloomy Jimmy at a mailbox getting his hand stuck]
Carl
Oh, hi, Jimmy. I have to do a report on snails or Napoleon. Can you help me?
What's the point of doing homework? We do it and then what? Poof, We're gone. Nothingness, emptiness. We're all just dust in the wind.
Carl
Okay, I..I don't want to be dust in the wind.
[Cut to Cool Jimmy walking downtown with Disco music playing]
He shoots, he scores. Neutron is definitely on. Lookin' good. You the man, you the man. 'Ey, it's the Nicksta.
Neutron? What are you doing?!
I'm walkin' here! You got a problem wit' dat, Skateboard Boy!?!
Uh, "Skateboard Boy"? [Macho Jimmy skates on Nick's skate board] Whoa, check it out! Neutron has the moves! [crunching, skateboard breaks in two]
Well, how 'bout next time you get a board that can handle the Neutron style? Later, Nick-O-Rama.
[Nick looks angrily in Cool Jimmy's direction]
[The citizens clamor angrily at Hugh for what the Jimmy clones did]
Calm down, folks. Now, just tell me, what did the Jimster do?
He busted my skateboard, dude!
Carl
He said I was gonna be "dust in the wind."
He made me smile and my dentures fell out! [pulls out her dentures]
He mocked Ultra Lord's family!
He made my heart sing and… [snaps out of it] I mean, he said things to me so vile and despicable I cannot repeat them in mixed company.
PFPie-face Man
And, he threw a pie in my face!
[Chuckles] You can't beat the classics. [Pie-face Man growls] I'm sure Jimmy had a good reason for doing all these admittedly strange, bizarre things, so…who wants pie?
[All growling]
PFPie-face Man
[Spits] I'm good.
Oh, no! It was the clones! I gotta find them. Goddard, activate clone locator!
[Goddard's chest show a map with Jimmy's head representing the clones, pinging]
Carl
There he is!
Let's teach him a lesson!
Carl
Yeah! Come on!
Wait, everyone! I can explain. [explaining the truth; 4 hours later…] And that's how it all happened.
PFPie-face Man
[speechless] Huh, genetic replicants manifesting mutant side effects, eh?
As long as you got rid of all the clones. One Jimmy Neutron in the world is bad enough, but six is blech!
Uh, dude, you did catch all of them, didn't you?
Uh… who would like some pie at my house?
Carl
Uh, okay.
EJEvil Jimmy
Here's Jimmy! [laughs evilly]
EEverybody
[to Jimmy; annoyed with anger] Neutron!
[nervously] So, uh, I take it that means no pie? [screams while he and Goddard run for their lives as they start chasing after him]
[Evil Jimmy faces the viewers and throws a cherry pie at the camera, ending the episode]
Hey, Neutron. Just trimming the old hedges before they start throwing off pollens for us.
Wheezer, I'm going to need my Lawnlopper back.
Well, Gee, Neutron. I gave that thing back weeks ago. You must have forgot.
Forgot about my Lawnlopper 300 Pro-Deluxe as seen on TV?! I don't think so.
Well, It's probably in your garage. Why don't you check?
It's probably in your garage. I'll just go get it.
Hey! I already told you, I gave it back, you wingding.
And I'm telling you you didn't, toolhog.
Just because my lawn is lush and silky while yours is limp and hard to manage…
What?! There's nothing wrong with my lawn.
Oh, please! Dandelions, gopher holes, and your tacky ceramic lawn cats- please!
Oh, yeah?! Well, what about your stupid lawn ducks? They're the laughing stock of the entire neighborhood.
No, you put that down right now!
Hey, look at me- quack, quack, quack. I'm a stupid lawn duck- quack, quack… whoops.
Sir Quacksalot! [smash, screams]
That was the final straw, Wheezer. [smashes Mr. Wheezer's lawn cat, then Mr. Wheezer screams] As of right now, we are Mortal Enemies!
Well, that goes double for me!
YOU'RE ON! Quick, Jimmy! Throw Carl back in his home. As of right now, we will not have anything to do with him, or anyone named "Wheezer", or anyone who has even "wheeze-ED".
But, Dad, you don't understand. Carl's my best friend.
Not anymore! Now follow me, Carl, 'cause as of right now, the Neutrons and the Wheezers are officially sworn "nemesises"!
Don't correct our ignorant opponents, Jimbo! Now into the house, quick! [foreign accent] The air out here is thick with the stench of Wheezers.
Carl
Bye, Jimmy. I'll never forget you.
Don't worry, Carl. A feud can't last forever.
The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius · 473 quotes
