[entering the classroom] Good morrow, scholars. Sorry I'm tardy, I was doing this morning's crossword puzzle in pen.
Big deal. My dad and I do the crossword puzzle all the time.
In the Beijing Times? [holds up and unravels his long crossword puzzle, all answered in Beijing writing]
[giving Sheen his math test] Here's your test, Sheen. Take a seat and get started. Remember, class, if you get stuck on a question, just skip it and come back to it late--
[raises up his finished test] Done!
What? But that's impossible!
Well, I would have even finished sooner if someone hadn't been blathering away.
Sweet muffins! These answers are right!
Of course, they're mostly right, duh. They're somewhat obvious to anyone with half a brain--let alone this slack-jaw collection of nitwits.
[stands up] HEY! My doctor says my jaw's only slightly slack!
Yeah, Ultra Dork, since when did you become Lord of the Smarts?
Since yesterday. Observe! [He gets out of his seat and heads off to the chalkboard with a pull-down sheet of the Periodic Table of Elements] Rb: Rubidium. Alkali metal discovered in 1861, melting point 39° Centigrade. [shows another picture of the planet Neptune] Neptune, eighth planet from the sun. Principal moons: Triton and Nereid. Named for the Roman god of water. [walks over to Carl] Carl Wheezer. Mammalian order: primate. 70% water, 20% carbon, 2% mucus. [Carl sneezes] 1% mucus. Any questions?
Yes. [now determined] How'd you like to SIT DOWN?!? [the class launches into a round of pleads for Sheen to sit down, while Jimmy shakes his head slowly in disappointment]
Yeah, sit down.
Go ahead, mock all you want! The barbs of a tiny brain are as nothing to me! [cackles evilly] Miss Fowl, can I be excused?
No!
May I not be UN-excused?
[hesistantly] Y...yes?
[points at Miss Fowl] PSYCH! [then runs out of the classroom, as he continues laughing, while Miss Fowl groans in annoyance]
[in shock] Jimmy, what's wrong with Sheen?
I-I don't know! His IQ should have stopped increasing hours ago. I'd better get to the lab. [raises hand] Miss Fowl, will you not let me not leave the classroom?
No! Uh...yes.
Thank you. [gets up and leaves the classroom to follow Sheen, as Miss Fowl exclaims in disappointment]
[to himself] Jimmy and Sheen need me. I can't let 'em down. [raises hand] Miss Fowl, can I never ever not be dis-excused sometimes?
[points at Carl emphatically] PLANT IT!
[sits back down nervously] Okay.
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