Donna Pinciotti quotes from That '70s Show

Donna

I want to send Eric some sexy photos.

Sure. I have some in the car. Want me to go get them?

Jackie

[entering the basement] So you guys-[screams] WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING HERE?!

Donna

We stole Fatso the Clown! And now we're gonna...uhm...what do we do with a stolen clown?

Hyde

[in starting a Circle] THIS is what we do with a stolen clown. Actually, this is what we do without a stolen clown. It always comes back to this.

[Randy providing voice] Hohohohohohohoho. Thanks for bringing me here you guys!

Randy

So Fatso, now that you're free, is there anything we can do for ya?

Huhuh yeah. Find me a really trashy clown-hooker with nice long legs and a pair of double D [honks horn].

Randy

I found this in the garage.

Fez

Oh Randy, you think you are so funny [sniggers] That was funny.

Jackie

Look at that freaky-ass clown. It's just staring at me...he doesn't even blink...

Donna

It's because he likes you. He loves you. He wants to marry you and then..KILL YOU! [Jackie screams loud]

Bob

[unaware that the gang, consisting of Donna, Hyde, Fez and Randy are attempting to 'kidnap' Fatso the Clown, the mascot for Fatso Burger, attempts to order from the drive through of the fast food joint] What's Cookin', Fatso?

Fez

[hiding behind the Fatso statue] Uhm... [in American accent] Welcome to Fatso burger.

Bob

I'll have a uh, big fatso combo with extra secret sauce.

Fez

Would you like apple pie with that?

Bob

Sure.

Fez

And the extra large soda for 10 cents more?

Bob

OK.

Fez

Oh, And onion rings are free with all that.

Bob

I'll take 'em.

Fez

So let me read that back. One big Fatso combo with extra sauce, an apple pie, extra large soda and one onion rings.

Bob

You got it!

Fez

Sorry we're closed.

Bob

What? Then why did you take my order?

Fez

Thank you please drive away.

Bob

But I'm hungry!

Fez

Then go get a pizza.

Bob

I had pizza for lunch!

Fez

WELL WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?!

Bob

GO TO HELL, FATSO!

Fez

[in regular accent] SEE YOU THERE LARD ASS! [Bob drives away angry as Randy, Donna and Hyde come out from hiding]

Hyde

That was awesome. Bob just got into a fight with a ceramic clown.

Donna

Believe it or not it wasn't the first time.

Kitty

[making tequila from a blender] I can't believe Fez was seduced by that cradle-robbing slut. [hands the blender to Donna] You girls throw it around like football players, couldn't one of you have slept with him?

Donna

[drinking from the blender and giving it to Jackie] Mrs. Forman, you need to understand something. Fez is a deviant weirdo. We're just glad he is doing it with a person and not a couch a tree or my pillow.

Kitty

After all I have done for that boy, he has the nerve to say you're not my mother. If that's even what he said. Because...who can understand anything that comes out of that ungrateful marsh-mouth.

Jackie

[drinks] Wow. Fez and an older divorced woman. [hands the blender to Kitty] You know, if I were a divorced older woman, I would take everything from my ex-husband. SUFFER, YOU CHEATING BASTARD! Haa! Can't wait to be divorced.

Kitty

Well, if he doesn't want me mothering him, fine I'm done! Next Christmas, his stocking will not be hung by the chimney with care. It will be tossed in the garbage with...with...hair! [takes a sip] This place uses too much ice! [pours in the rest of the tequila]

Donna

You guys, the radio station asked me to host an on-air fundraiser for the Children's Library. A year ago I was doing the Farm Report and now it's gonna be Hot Donna all day long. That right. I'm gonna be referring to myself in the third person from now on.

Randy

Wait. You're not doing the Farm Report anymore? [makes hillbilly accent] Well how am I supposed to know if my corns-a-gonna grow?

Donna

And I told my boss, that I'm not getting off the air until I've raised 500 bucks. Which'll be easy, cause my fans do anything I say. Like, there was this one time, when I told everybody to get up and dance when I played Tear The Roof Off The Sucker. There was almost a riot at the prison!

Jackie

[sarcastic] Yeah. Thanks a lot Donna. My Dad had to hide under his bunk.

Donna

(voice recording) Happy birthday Eric. I have a sexy surprise for you. Look across into my window. Yeah, I thought you'd like those. Now come over here and I'll...

Randy

Hey.

Donna

(turns off tape) Hey.

Randy

What's up?

Donna

Nothing. Just, you know, hanging out.

Randy

Cool. I've never sat on the hood of a car with a girl before?

Donna

Yeah, actually, you know what. This car was kind of...

Randy

(notices the lightsaber) Ooh.

Donna

Oh.

Randy

A lightsaber.

Donna

Yeah, that belonged to someone. Now lets...

Randy

Check it out. (Donna imagines Randy with Eric's hair and clothing while he's swinging the lightsaber) I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you. (Randy continues swinging the lightsaber)

Donna

Stop it. (pushes Randy of the Vista Cruiser)

Randy

What the hell?

Donna

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, this is, this is just too weird. I can't do this. I can't see you anymore.

Randy

You could of just said you didn't like Star Wars.

Hyde

[to Donna] It's a tough decision, man. I'll let the ball decide. If I make the shot, stay with Sam. If it misses, I say goodbye. [shoots; ball gets jammed into hoop's crevice]

Donna

Huh. God's funny.

Eric

Happy New Year.

Donna

Eric!

Eric

Sorry I'm late. Caught the last flight out. So... awkward! [both of them laugh] So, how are you?

Donna

I start college next week.

Eric

Oh, that's awesome. [long pause]

Donna

So, what, you just came back here for New Year's Eve?

Eric

Look Donna, when I left, I was so positive that I was doing the right thing, but now I've been gone so long --

Donna

[teary] Eric, things are a lot different now.

Eric

Yeah, it's just... Donna, I thought about you, like, every day. And you know what? It turns out that Red was right. I am a dumbass. [pause] Donna, I'm sorry. [Kisses Donna]

Eric

Happy New Year.

Donna

Eric!

Eric

Sorry I'm late. Caught the last flight out. So... awkward! [both of them laugh] So, how are you?

Donna

I start college next week.

Eric

Oh, that's awesome.

Donna

[long pause] So, what, you just came back here for New Year's Eve?

Eric

Look Donna, when I left, I was so positive that I was doing the right thing, but now I've been gone so long–

Donna

[tearfully] Eric, things are a lot different now.

Eric

Yeah, it's just... Donna, I thought about you, like, every day. And you know what? It turns out that Red was right. I am a dumbass. [pause] Donna, I'm sorry. [kisses Donna] So, uh... sounds like there's a party going on in there.

Donna

Yeah, there is. Your mom's, like, really drunk.

Eric

Oh, okay... Yeah, I don't know if I'm ready for all that. I wish there was just some way to take the edge off...

Eric

Edge, you are officially off.

Fez

Eric, I have the most incredible news. I have kissed Jacqueline Burkhart!

Hyde

Yeah, Fez, I have some incredible news, too. So has everyone else.

Kelso

I think it makes total sense that Fez ended up with Jackie. She started out with me, the Ferrari. And then, she went to Hyde, the Mustang. And now, she's with Fez, who's like a... donkey pulling a cart full of brightly colored, Mexican blankets.

Eric

Oh, hey, Kelso. I almost forgot. I got you something from Africa for your daughter. [holds up...] Check it out! A genuine... plastic rhino horn.

Kelso

This is awesome! [holds rhino horn over his forehead] Look, guys, I'm a rhino! Ruff, ruff!

Hyde

Guys, I think it's time we honor all the brain cells that survived the '70s. Despite our best efforts, some of those bastards pulled through. Tonight... they're going down.

Fez

Die, brain cells, die! And you're next, liver. [takes a sip of beer]

Hyde

Hey... Did you guys hear about that car that runs on water? It's got a fiberglass, air-cooled engine, and it runs on water, man!

Kelso

It's like we never run out of things to talk about down here.

Jackie

I knew you burnouts would be down here.

Donna

You guys, it's almost midnight. Mrs. Forman's pouring the champagne!

Eric

Hey, guys. Last one upstairs... has to call Red a dumbass!

Kelso

Oh, man. [wears the "Stupid Helmet" and goes upstairs]

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!