Agent Katswell, what's the status on Agent Puppy's trip to the vet?
KittyDudley has a rash, and the doctor put a cone around his neck to keep him from scratching. He's really embarrassed about it, so don't mention it.
We're T.U.F.F. agents. "Discretion" is our… [stutters] middle name. [Dudley appears, wearing a large pink cone around his neck; shocked] HOLY COW! He looks like a snack bowl with paws!
Kitty
[offended] Keswick!
It's fine, Kitty. I'm okay with the cone. It's kinda awesome. [looks at his reflection, then whimpers and fills up the cone with his tears] WHO AM I KIDDING?! I HATE THIS CONE! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE SCRATCH MY RASH?!
KKKitty, Keswick and Chief
[all horrified at Dudley's butt rash; in unison] NO!
Okay, just stand there, and I'll rub my butt up against you.
Keswick, activate the rash shield!
Is someone making a raspberry chocolate bundt cake… [sniffs] With farm fresh eggs from the north shore of New Zealand?
Incredible! That's the exact recipe I got of off Snaptrap's blog! Hey, he may be the leader of D.O.O.M., but he's a wizard with desserts. Check out this recipe for evil fruitcake.
Kitty
Whoa! According to his blog, Snaptrap has an invisibility helmet.
Even worse, he took down the recipe. Oh, I hope he left his joke of the day.
[rubbing his rashy butt up against a light switch, flickering the lights on and off] If Snaptrap could turn himself invisible, there's no telling what diabolically evil crimes he could commit.
Guys? I have new intel. But first, (Agent Puppy,) I want to show my brother-in-law that… [stutters] silly cone you're wearing. [His brother-in-law: Stan, appears next to him] Check it out, Stan. Was I right? [he and Stan both laugh at Dudley's cone] Anyway, we just learned Snaptrap's… [stutters] heading to the water park.
Kitty
What's he up to?
KKewswick
[shrugs] How should I know? You're the secret agents. Keswick out. No, wait. Stan wants to see the cone again.
You go ahead, Kitty. I've messed up enough today. With this cone, I'm useless to everyone... except these little birds. [more birds land on Dudley's cone]
Kitty
I'd argue with you, Dudley, but you did chain me to a concessions lady and blow me up with a torpedo. [jumps and heads inside the prison]
Will you scratch my butt, little bird?
[washing the garbage off of Kitty with a hose] Kitty, I've got a very important question for you.
Kitty
You wanna know how Dudley's getting all the credit for stopping Snaptrap when he clearly has no idea what he's doing?!
Actually, I was going to ask if you could give me Iron Mutt's autograph. It's for my mother. Her name's Keswick.
[bursting through the walls] I meant to do that.
It's Iron Mutt! [screams in a girlishly voice]
You want to be my sidekick, you're gonna need a much cooler costume than that.
Kitty
I'm not your sidekick!
[Dudley, Kitty, Keswick and the Chief are all riding on the grand opening of the Petropolis Monotrail]
Kitty
[hearing Keswick moaning] Keswick, are you all right?
[nauseous] Not really. I'm prone to… [stutters] motion sickness, [holds up a jar mayonnaise as his face turns green with envy] and that jar of warm mayonnaise I ate isn't helping. [dry heaves as his face turns purple]
Kitty
Oh, no! Now we'll never figure out what's going on with Snaptrap!
[recovers; acting as Snaptrap] It is I, Verminious Snaptrap!
[Kitty and Keswick groan]
And now, to make my daring escape! [runs to the elevator]
Guys, are you okay?! Speak to me! It's Dudley!
KCKeswick, Chief and Kitty
[all recovering, acting like Dudley; in unison] No, I'm Dudley!
DKDudley, Kitty, Keswick and Chief
[as bugs fly into their noses; in unison] AH! BUG UP THE NOSE!
Behold, my new high tech mind reading device. It allows whoever… [stutters] wears it to hear the thoughts of anyone close by.
[Kitty takes the device and puts it on her head, listening to the Chief's thoughts]
[thinking] Okay, she's reading my mind. Don't think about how gross her cookies are. Don't think about how gross her cookies are.
Kitty
[gasps in angered shock] I knew it! You hate my cookies!
Wow, Chief. Do you hate Christmas, too? Well, let's see what Mr. Critical thinks of me. [puts the device on his head]
[as Dudley picks his nose; thinking] Oh, man. Agent Puppy is a total slob!
[hurtfully] You think I'm a slob?!
Uh, look, dog food that makes its own gravy!
[takes the device away] Grow up! Clearly you people lack the self esteem to… [stutters] wear this, though, that's not surprising. Recent psychological studies indicate that…
[thinking] Oh, man. Put a sock in it, Dr. Boring.
Well, that stings. Fortunately, I'm too… [stutters] mature to resort to name calling. Now if you'll excuse me, [starts tearing up in heartbreak] Dr. Boring is going to perform a heart transplant. 'CAUSE MINE'S BROKEN! [walks away, bawling, as Kitty and Dudley glare annoyingly at the Chief]
I have exciting news! Fleaple magazine just named me one of the ten most eligible hostages in Petropolis. It says here, I'm worth a billion dollars in ransom. Who wants to celebrate?
I'd comment, but Dr. Boring doesn't make house calls. [breaks down into tears] Cry, weep, sob!
Kitty
You wouldn't want to celebrate with somebody who make gross cookies.
Or a slob like me! That cut like a knife.
[over his mind] Okay, I get it. You're still upset about the whole "mind reading" thing.
Sorry, Dr. Boring's not in right now, but please leave a message at the sound of the tone. [blows raspberry]
[shivering with his tail all frozen] This is Wolf Spitzer freezing my tail off at the Petropolis Dog Show. Tonight, the city's most perfect pooch will win the grand prize, their very own mailman. [pooch chases the turkey mailman]
What kind of self-absorbed doofus would enter a dog show?
[in the elevator as the doors open, spraying his flowing blonde hair with hairspray] Guess who's entering the dog show?
Kitty
You gotta be kidding me.
I know, I'm gorgeous, right? Just got back from the groomer. Now all I have to do is keep this perfect look 'till tonight, and I'll be chasing my very own mailman! Am I hot, or what?
Well, I wouldn't go that far, but you are looking better ever since you joined that tiny gym.
No, I mean, it's getting warm in here!
This camp is awesome! [to Kitty] What super fun activity do you want to do first? [runs around doing camp activities] Paddle boats? Arts and crafts? Dancing? [notices the bunny kid trying to fend off some wasps] No, wait, that kid's not dancing, he got stung by a wasp.
Kitty
Forget the camp stuff, Dudley. We need to find Snaptrap.
T.U.F.F. Puppy · 225 quotes
