Dudley Puppy quotes from T.U.F.F. Puppy

Dudley

You go ahead, Kitty. I've messed up enough today. With this cone, I'm useless to everyone... except these little birds. [more birds land on Dudley's cone]

Kitty

I'd argue with you, Dudley, but you did chain me to a concessions lady and blow me up with a torpedo. [jumps and heads inside the prison]

Dudley

Will you scratch my butt, little bird?

Dudley

Not for long. [sniffing where Snaptrap is] I smell a rat.

Snaptrap

[sarcastically] Oh, that's super original. Like I haven't heard that one before.

Dudley

Get away from my mom, Snaptrap! [tackles Snaptrap on the floor]

Peg

Dudley, what are you doing?!

Dudley

I'm saving you from an evil supervillain, who was just about to… [notices a plate of eggrolls on the table] Share your delicious microwave eggrolls with you? [scarfs the eggrolls and stops] What's going on here?!

Peg

I invited Mr. Snaptrap over for some refreshments. We met at the laundromat.

Snaptrap

Are you guys mad about the money thing? Please don't be mad. I couldn't take it if you're mad.

[snapping in annoyance] WE'RE NOT MAD!

Snaptrap

Oh, boy, that's a relief. I'm not calling you liars, which sounded a little mad.

Wolf Spitzer

[stepping out of the news van after Dudley defeated Snaptrap and his agents with the iron suit he's in] Wolf Spitzer for Petropolis News with live coverage of the super dog who foiled Snaptrap from whatever it was he was doing. Let's hear it for Iron Mutt!

Dudley

I'm not Iron Mutt. I'm just an ordinary average…

[hugging him] We love you, Iron Mutt!

Dudley

Super, awesome hero named Iron Mutt!

[chanting] Iron Mutt! Iron Mutt!

[washing the garbage off of Kitty with a hose] Kitty, I've got a very important question for you.

Kitty

You wanna know how Dudley's getting all the credit for stopping Snaptrap when he clearly has no idea what he's doing?!

Actually, I was going to ask if you could give me Iron Mutt's autograph. It's for my mother. Her name's Keswick.

Dudley

[bursting through the walls] I meant to do that.

It's Iron Mutt! [screams in a girlishly voice]

Dudley

You want to be my sidekick, you're gonna need a much cooler costume than that.

Kitty

I'm not your sidekick!

Chief

He's your partner! Do something, Agent Katswell!

Dudley

[recovering; acting as Kitty] Do what, Chief? Karate chop bad guys? [karate chops the ground] Act like I'm always right? Purr when the cute water delivery guy comes? [imitates Kitty's gestures]

Kitty

[annoyed] I never do that!

Chief

What do we do now, Keswick?

Dudley

[recovering; acting as Keswick] I can assure you there are a number of options, none of which your… [stutters] puny minds can grasp. [Keswick grins at Kitty, embarrassingly] Now if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to work on the Lady Keswick I've been building!

How do you know about that?! [hesitantly] I mean, I'm not… [stutters] building a Lady Keswick.

Kitty

Oh, no! Now we'll never figure out what's going on with Snaptrap!

Dudley

[recovers; acting as Snaptrap] It is I, Verminious Snaptrap!

Chief

Oh, brother.

Dudley

And now, to make my daring escape! [runs to the elevator]

Dudley

Guys, are you okay?! Speak to me! It's Dudley!

[all recovering, acting like Dudley; in unison] No, I'm Dudley!

Dudley

Wait for me!

[as bugs fly into their noses; in unison] AH! BUG UP THE NOSE!

Behold, my new high tech mind reading device. It allows whoever… [stutters] wears it to hear the thoughts of anyone close by.

Chief

[thinking] Okay, she's reading my mind. Don't think about how gross her cookies are. Don't think about how gross her cookies are.

Kitty

[gasps in angered shock] I knew it! You hate my cookies!

Dudley

Wow, Chief. Do you hate Christmas, too? Well, let's see what Mr. Critical thinks of me. [puts the device on his head]

Chief

[as Dudley picks his nose; thinking] Oh, man. Agent Puppy is a total slob!

Dudley

[hurtfully] You think I'm a slob?!

Chief

Uh, look, dog food that makes its own gravy!

Dudley

Whoa! Gravy!

[takes the device away] Grow up! Clearly you people lack the self esteem to… [stutters] wear this, though, that's not surprising. Recent psychological studies indicate that…

Chief

[thinking] Oh, man. Put a sock in it, Dr. Boring.

Well, that stings. Fortunately, I'm too… [stutters] mature to resort to name calling. Now if you'll excuse me, [starts tearing up in heartbreak] Dr. Boring is going to perform a heart transplant. 'CAUSE MINE'S BROKEN! [walks away, bawling, as Kitty and Dudley glare annoyingly at the Chief]

Chief

I have exciting news! Fleaple magazine just named me one of the ten most eligible hostages in Petropolis. It says here, I'm worth a billion dollars in ransom. Who wants to celebrate?

I'd comment, but Dr. Boring doesn't make house calls. [breaks down into tears] Cry, weep, sob!

Kitty

You wouldn't want to celebrate with somebody who make gross cookies.

Dudley

Or a slob like me! That cut like a knife.

Chief

[over his mind] Okay, I get it. You're still upset about the whole "mind reading" thing.

Sorry, Dr. Boring's not in right now, but please leave a message at the sound of the tone. [blows raspberry]

Wolf Spitzer

[shivering with his tail all frozen] This is Wolf Spitzer freezing my tail off at the Petropolis Dog Show. Tonight, the city's most perfect pooch will win the grand prize, their very own mailman. [pooch chases the turkey mailman]

What kind of self-absorbed doofus would enter a dog show?

Dudley

[in the elevator as the doors open, spraying his flowing blonde hair with hairspray] Guess who's entering the dog show?

Kitty

You gotta be kidding me.

Dudley

I know, I'm gorgeous, right? Just got back from the groomer. Now all I have to do is keep this perfect look 'till tonight, and I'll be chasing my very own mailman! Am I hot, or what?

Chief

I'm hot, too.

Well, I wouldn't go that far, but you are looking better ever since you joined that tiny gym.

Chief

No, I mean, it's getting warm in here!

Dudley

You can't fight it, Snaptrap! You got the music in you!

Snaptrap

[straining to resist the dance] Must…be…STRONG! [Dudley pushes the dance floor button on the boom box, smashes it on the ground, lighting up the dance floor] Oh, no! GOTTA DANCE!

Dudley

[worn out] Man, I'm pooped.

Ha! He said poop!