Jerri Blank quotes from Strangers with Candy

Jerri

What's it like being a whore? Wait a minute, I know that one.

Jerri

I know! I'll feed my baby... Oh, that's right. My baby's an imaginary creation to fight the ravages of loneliness.

Jerri

So where are we? I must've fallen asleep after you slipped me those pills and put on that blindfold.

Jerri

Greeks are just Jews without the money.

Jerri

Orlando, you can't be a pilgrim. The pilgrims had snowy white skin to match their pure Christian souls. They didn't sacrifice coconuts to their monkey gods.

Jerri

I'm not adopted and I'm not an Indian. It's just a coincidence that I have a love of gambling and booze and a knack for catching syphilis.

Jerri

I've recently learned something about self-respect... I don't have any.

Jerri

Extra, extra, read all about it. Jerri Blank pops stiffy!

Jerri

[standing in front of the class] History has taught us many things. For example: I can't smoke one stick of pot or take one needle of coke. One night – I'll make this quick – one night, I was thrown by a horse and I had to have a laminectomy...

Noblet

Thank you, Jerri.

Jerri

...now you all know the size of a king-size sheet, right? Well, you try scrambling down that in the dark after a boot of skag or a snort of horse...

Noblet

Really, Jerri, that's fine. What was your report on again?

Jerri

Brazil.

Jerri

What was in that?!

Sara

Breakfast!

Jerri

Well, what kind of breakfast was that?

Sara

A cup of rum cake... We just ran out of flour.

You need to face the fact that your mother is an alcoholic. But that doesn't mean that she doesn't love you.

Jerri

No, I've heard her say plenty of times that she doesn't love me.

She was probably drunk.

Jerri

No, I'm pretty sure she was sober.

Jerri

Packing a Musket, by Jerri Blank. When you work from your home and johns call on the phone, you're a call girl. When you walk till you're limp and give a cut to a pimp, you're a street whore. When they're begging ya "please," to get down on your knees, near their groinage, 'scusa me, but ya see, don't ya touch where they pee, without coinage.

Noblet

Thank you, Jerri, that'll be...

Jerri

When I straddle and squat, to show you my... [bell rings, drowning Jerri's voice out]

Jerri

Mr. Noblet wants me to snitch on a friend.

Jellineck

Snitching doesn’t seem like you, Jerri.

Jerri

Oh, it’s not what you think. It’s not like snitching on a real person. She's--

Jellineck

Gay?

Jerri

Retarded.

Jellineck

Yes, most of them are.

Jerri

Most who are what?

Jellineck

Most gay people are retarded.

Jerri

Does that mean Kimberly Timbers is gay?

Jellineck

I don’t know. Hey! Make a pass at her and find out. She'd have to be retarded to turn you down.

You gave me away?

Jerri

No, no, never! I traded you for a guitar. And all these years I've wondered, what happened to that guitar?

Jellineck

Jerri, is this how you imagine yourself?

Jerri

No, I ran out of clay.