Sara Blank quotes from Strangers with Candy

Sara Blank

Poppy Downes is in a coma? What a shame. You know, if she doesn't pull through, I’ll have the Widows' League send over some casseroles. They need comfort food.

Sara

[to Noblet] Hoo hoo! "Chuck"! You know what that rhymes with...

Sara

But I'm not an alcoholic! I can stop whenever I want! What, you don't believe me? Well, if you're such a good listener, why don’t you watch this? Say goodbye to my mixers!

Sara

This has nothing to do with you, Alan. We just need to talk about you someplace where you can't hear us.

Sara

I do appreciate your lovely sentiments, Mr. Blackman, but I should tell you that Guy’s last wish was that "no darkies" attend his wake.

Jerri

What was in that?!

Sara

Breakfast!

Jerri

Well, what kind of breakfast was that?

Sara

A cup of rum cake... We just ran out of flour.

Sara

What I'd like to know is, why are there retarded people in school with my daughter?

Principal Onyx Blackman

Mrs. Blank, we're doing our best to weed them out, but some of these retards are extremely clever.

Jellineck

Your daughter has a disease we call... anorexia.

Sara

Is that contagious?

Jellineck

Yes. It often sweeps through third world countries that are stricken by drought.

Sara

You can't help a drug addict until they've hit rock bottom. And sometimes it's important to help the process along. You dig a hole in the yard and cover it with sticks and leaves, put glass in their slippers...

Cut the brake cable in their car...

Sara

Exactly. Cut the brake cable in their car. The point is to help them hurt themselves.

Sara

Oh Jerri, I didn't know you were coming home this early. We would've left sooner.

Jerri

Where are we going?

Sara

Well, if by "we" you mean Derrick and I, the answer is a family getaway to Good Time Island!

Jerri

[excited] Good Time Island?!

Sara

Oh, did I remember not to tell you?

Check it out, troll--An all-access pass with full release!

Jerri

I'll go pack my things!

Sara

Oh, I'm sorry, Jerri, you know the car only has room for four and we already have two. Oh and if you get hungry later, um, eat something.

Jellineck

Mrs. Blank, I think it's time someone who truly loves her try to reach her.

Sara

No, I think I should.

Blackman

Maybe you care to partner up. I happen to know plenty of mature, eligible men.

Sara

That's a very kind offer, Principal, but I strongly oppose racial commingling.

Blackman

I'm with you 100 percent, except, of course, for my uncontrollable desire for middle-aged white women.