Jerri Blank quotes from Strangers with Candy

Jerri

I like the pole and the hole, and right now I'm as moist as a snack cake down there. So, why don't you come over to my crib after school, and I'll make your pinky aaaall stinky.

Jerri

How's it goin', Susie? Nice camel-toe.

Jerri

I do like black people! It just took a white one to prove it to me.

Jerri

You know, high school is a lot like the slammer. The food sucks, they tell you where to go and how to do it. And if someone tries to make you their bitch, you just stick them with a shiv in the showers.

Jerri

I’d like to root in her cellar. Mmmpphh!

Jerri

Cancer. That's hilarious.

Jerri

It must be nice to hope for the thing you wish to want. Sure beats doing it!

Jerri

I'm floating down a hallway

Jerri

and i'm naked

Jerri

and its me but its not really me because i'm watching me walk naked

Jerri

and then suddenly i'm falling off a cliff

Jerri

and before i hit the bottom, i wake up

Jerri

I hope you're all happy, keeping Alan off the team. Couldn't you, for once, open your minds and hearts and hear something that he couldn't see? I, for one, am glad that Alan is blind, so he can't see what, I am so sad to say, you can't hear.

Jerri

The ways of love are a mystery to me. The feeling of man’s pelvis pounding against your haunches as you lie bent over a beer-soaked pool table grasping for leverage. And the endless jackhammer action turns you into a quivering mound of oozing pleasure.

Jerri

Boy am I thirsty. I'm gonna go get a hot dog.

Jerri

[to hot dog vendor] Drown it in salt, and don't skimp on the bacon bits. [pause] Today.

Jerri

[on her father's death] Maybe I am in denial... unless of course, he's alive!

Jerri

Maybe it's time to stop not doing what you pretended you can do and can't, and start doing the thing that you can't do, but can no longer pretend that you can.

Jerri

[to her pretend husband] You don't wanna beat me or screw me!? What kind of marriage is this? Bring a book.