Hello. I'm Jerri Blank, and I'm a forty-six year-old high school freshman. For thirty-two years I was a teenage runaway. I was a boozer, a user and a loser. My friends were dealers, cons and eighteen-karat pimps. But now, I'm out of jail, picking up my life exactly where I left off. I'm back in high school, living at home and discovering all sorts of things about my body. I'm finding out that though the faces have changed, the hassles are just the same.
Characters
Jerri BlankAmy Sedaris · 70 quotes
Chuck NobletStephen Colbert · 25 quotes
Geoffrey JellineckPaul Dinello · 24 quotes
Onyx BlackmanGreg Hollimon · 18 quotes
Sara BlankDeborah Rush · 12 quotes
WDr. Williams3 quotes
FranWinona Ryder · 3 quotes
RRebeccaEmma Bowers · 3 quotes
TammiMaria Thayer · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Jerri Blank & Geoffrey Jellineck (8), Jerri Blank & Chuck Noblet (7), Jerri Blank & Rebecca (3)
S1 E1Old Habits, New Beginnings
PDPoppy Downes
And meanwhile, our brothers from the east were eating bowls of rice safely nestled in their internment camps.
Excellent report, Poppy. It's important that we never forget the atrocities the Japanese committed against our boys.
[standing in front of the class] History has taught us many things. For example: I can't smoke one stick of pot or take one needle of coke. One night – I'll make this quick – one night, I was thrown by a horse and I had to have a laminectomy...
Thank you, Jerri.
...now you all know the size of a king-size sheet, right? Well, you try scrambling down that in the dark after a boot of skag or a snort of horse...
Really, Jerri, that's fine. What was your report on again?
Brazil.
If I don’t graduate by the time I'm 50, I'll be the laughingstock of Flatpoint High!
Jerri, let me give you a little advice: No one makes friends with a failure. Okay? Understand? Now you run along and have fun. Bye-bye. Lock the door.
Who wants to go to a cockfight?! I'll drive!
PDPoppy Downes
I’m like fine.
Stoney and I would go over to Buckle's and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmies. I’d wake up with blood on my ass, and then we'd get high. Those were some good times!
Poppy Downes is in a coma? What a shame. You know, if she doesn't pull through, I’ll have the Widows' League send over some casseroles. They need comfort food.
[repeated line] I got something to say!
S1 E2A Burden's Burden
But I've had plenty of babies! Just none I've carried to full term.
It doesn't matter when you get here - just what time.
OPOrlando Pinatubo
Mr. Jellineck! I can't form the pot!
Easy there. OK, look... Grasp the pot like you would a mischievous child's neck. Go on, dig your thumbs in there like you're gouging out the eyes of an enemy.
Is that how they say 'hi' in Whoreville?
Pee on me.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Strangers with Candy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.