Bummer quotes from Stoked

Bummer

I was trying to scare you slackers so I could have this sweet crash pad to myself, and I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddling groms!

Emma

So where are you guys working anyway? I'm working in the dining room!

Johnny

DR, nice decent tip potential!

Reef

[describing his job title] You are lookin' at the head of Water Sports and Surf Instruction.

Fin

What? That's my job!

Reef

Uh, is your name Reef?

Fin

No!

Reef

Then it's not your job, [pulls out a letter] I got this in the mail last week!

Fin

[looking at the letter] Okay, there has to be some kind of mistake— [hands the letter to Johnny] they said it was practically guaranteed!

Johnny

[looking at the letter] Looks legit! They do this all the time, move staff around. You'll get used to it.

Fin

That's so unfair! So what am I supposed to do?

Johnny

Let me check! [pulls out his radio] Hey boss, just checking the employee posting for Fin McCloud?

Bummer

Yeah, hold on! [reading the posting] Fin McCloud! Uh, that's housekeeping!

Fin

A maid? No! Oh no! Okay, I don't even clean my own room!

Fin

[seeing Emma in her uniform] Oh my gosh, that is so bad!

Emma

[about her uniform] I really have to wear this?

Bummer

[carrying Fin's uniform] It's an authentic wench costume dating back to the 1800s.

Fin

[seeing her uniform] Okay, this is so lame! I'd rather wear the wench thing.

Wipeout

[pulls back the curtain] Consider yourself lucky.

Bummer

[to Fin] Well, research shows that guests prefer their housekeepers to look neat and respectable. It makes them feel like you won't actually steal their possessions. [Fin gasps]

Emma

Just put it on!

Broseph

[coming from the boy's side] This is really itchy!

Reef

[spotting Emma] Arr, little wench, fetch me some cola or I'll make ye walk the plank!

Emma

[about Reef's uniform] At least I don't look like a preppy little momma's boy.

Broseph

She's right, dude; you do.

Reef

[seeing Fin in her uniform] Yikes! Now that is bad!

Fin

[about Reef's phone] Do it and you lose it! This is so humiliating!

Bummer

[sarcastic] Yeah yeah yeah, life's unfair, Daddy doesn't love me, blah blah blah. '[throws the name tags over his shoulder] Here are your name tags; you are required to wear them at all times.

[to Broseph] Hey, aren't you the dude who drove the Jeep into the pool last night? That was awesome!

Broseph

[to Bummer] I have no idea what that guy is talking about, bro.

Reef

Surf instructor reporting for duty! Any sweet macking honeys ready to get hot for teacher?

Reef, this is your surf student, Mr. Chester Grizzle!

Let's do this thing!

Reef

Him! But that dude's a dude, and he's old, and a dude!

[hits Reef on the head with his cane] Kids these days—no respect!

Bummer

Indeed, sir, no respect at all!

Reef

[laughs] Yeah I get it, prankin' the new guy; good one, dudes, but seriously, where the honeys at?

Bummer

You will show Mr. Grizzle the finest surf instruction available. [hands Chester a staff e-val] Here's a staff evaluation form sir. Now don't you hold back!

Heh, I'm going to enjoy this!

Reef

Man, this is total ca-ca!

Attitude, zero out of ten!

Reef

Okay, okay grandpa, let's catch some white wash.

Bummer

Oh, it has been an honour, sir! Oh, ho! Now, don't forget your giftbag.

Ah! Oh, well, thank you. Well, this hotel is fantastic and your staff is absolutely top-drawer.

Bummer

I'll be sure to tell them... ♪ On my way to upper management! ♪

Johnny

Checking out so soon?

Not soon enough! I have been ignored and abused by your staff all weekend! This is the worst hotel I've stayed at, and I've been to Siberia!

Johnny

OK, um... how will you be paying?

You expect me to PAY?! Fine! Just charge it to my company card!

Johnny

OK, Mr... [reads the name on the card] "Stanley Stevens of Luxury Vacations Magazine"?! Will you... excuse me for one moment?

Bummer

Oh, that's a good one, Mr. S! [chuckles]

Johnny

Uh, Andrew? [whispering] Andrew!

Bummer

Not now, Johnny. And your stay is on us, of course.

Oh! Well, that seals it, OK? This truly is the greatest hotel in the universe!

Bummer

Sir, you are too kind, oh! I cannot wiat to read your review.

Review? What review?

Bummer

[nudges Seymour's left arm with his shoulder] Oh, Stanley Stevens, you lovable joke-meister, you, heh-heh. Your review? In Luxury Vacations Magazine?

Um, there must be a mistake. I'm SEYMOUR Stevens, stamp collector.

Bummer

[his left eye twitches before he wheezes] Huh? What?

Johnny

[whispering] We got the wrong Mr. Stevens!

Bummer

[grabs Johnny's shirt and yanks his close] Where's the REAL Mr. Stevens?

Johnny

He went home early. He was kinda... unhappy with the service.

Bummer

[releases Johnny and collaspes to his knees; Johnny covers his ears] NO-O-O-O-O!

Uh, do I still get to keep the bag?

Bummer

Take a hike, you nobody.

Bummer

[via megaphone] Attention staff! People, we've got a code red! I've just received word that a very, very, very, very, very important person will staying at the hotel this weekend: none other than the one and only Mr. Stevens! [groms remain silent] Stanley Stevens! Editor of Luxury Vacations Magazine! a.k.a. the world's toughest travel critic! [the groms still have no idea] His review will make or break this! If we get a ten out of ten, it will put this hotel on the map and put me in line for a major promotion! [dances] I got the moves, got the moves yeah! Therefore I order all of you to give Mr. Stevens the absolute best this establishment has to offer—the finest food, the silkiest sheets, the most pristine pool, and a room in the royal suite!

Lo

[whispering] That's the best room in the hotel—after Daddy's penthouse!

Bummer

For the next 48 hours, we are in V-V-V-V-VIP mode! There will be no slacking off! If you're not on duty, you're helping someone who is! Anyone who messes this up for me is looking at a big fat strike! Any questions?

Reef

Can me and Broseph get the weekend off to catch a seriously sick wave?

Bummer

[using a megaphone] Not a chance, punk! Now people, let's get prepped!

Bummer

Listen up, everybody! I got your staff evaluations from yesterday and I have one thing to say! Are you all zombies? Did I accidentally hire the walking dead? [reading e-vals] Four, six, three, seven. Reef, nine out of ten. Very nice. Fin, six.

Reef

Yeeaah, I beat you again!

Fin

No way! There was a rock band on my floor; they had a pig roast in the room!

Reef

Nine out of ten! Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah! I'm the king of the staff evaluations!

Bummer

I got to say it's encouraging how seriously you're taking guest feedback.

Reef

Oh, we're not! I just want to kick her butt! Told you guys rule!

Bummer

All right, that's enough! You're already late! Out, out, out!

Reef

So, you're still mad at me?

Fin

Yeah, until you take back what you said about female surfers!

Reef

Hey, just because you can't catch the same waves as I can doesn't mean you're any less of a surfer—oh, wait; it does! (Laughs)

Fin

That's it! Okay, I challenge you to a surf off right now!

Reef

I think I hear a toilet calling your name! Fin, come clean me, Fin!

Fin

Scared of getting your butt kicked by a girl?

Reef

Hey, I'm laid-back at lunch time and aggressive at crunch time. Bring it!

Fin

You know we'll get a strike!

Reef

Ha! I laugh at strikes!

Fin

Let's do this!

The Kahuna

No can do: Whalebus is parked for the next three hours, bro—double feature night—Sand in My Shorts and Sand in My Bikini. You could check them out.

Bummer

I'd rather eat my own eyeballs.

The Kahuna

Your loss, dude—they're classics.

[to Bummer] Now what?

Bummer

Might as well grab a bite.

Okay, but this is sooo not a date. Reef said my date was hot!

Bummer

Unacceptable people, unacceptable! Look at these staff evaluation forms! Fin, 7.5 out of 10!

Fin

Come on that's like a B+!

Bummer

Yeah, I don't know what special school you went to, but a 7.5 means you do better. Reef, 4! Says here, "Needs to spend less time teaching girls mouth to mouth."

Reef

Okay, but the girl I was teaching was an 8 out of 10. So by my count, that puts me at an— [counts on his fingers] 9, 10, 11—12 out of 10! Math dude! [high fives Wipeout]

Wipeout

You're the man!

Bummer

Okay, listen up! From now on, anyone who gets less than an 8 on a staff eval get an automatic strike, and you what three strikes mean!

We—are—outta—here.

Bummer

[sarcastic] Oh, I'm sorry. Did I schedule the staff meeting during rubber ducky time?

Emma

I'm so sorry sir; there was a line up at the staff showers and I was—

Bummer

STRIKE one, and let that be a lesson to the rest of you slackers.

Emma

No! My perfect employee record!

Lo

Oh, that's too bad! By the way, you're out of conditioner.

Emma

[sarcastic] Thanks for the heads up! [takes off her towel revealing her hair]

Bummer

The topic for today's morning psych up—love the guest more than you love yourself. Broseph?

Broseph

Yo!

Bummer

If a guest asked you to use your hand to blow their nose, what do you do?

Broseph

Uh, run?

Bummer

Wrong! You say, "Here you go, sir. Do you prefer my left or my right?" Emma! If a guest asked asked you to bob for apples in the lobby toilet, what do you say?

Emma

"Eww!"

Bummer

Wrong! You say, "Madam, would you like me to Macintosh or Golden Delicious?" [laughs; sees Wipeout trying to get a bee] Oh, I'm sorry. Am I disturbing you? [Wipeout shakes his head] Remember, you are here for one reason and one reason only.

Reef

To ride the most Quantum Epic off the Richter waves?

Bummer

Wrong! To serve the guest and make their stay the best ever anywhere!

Reef

Six in one, half dozen of the other.

Johnny

[being carried on Reef's surfboard] I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead!

Broseph

[as Johnny goes blank] Dude, dude! [waves his hand in front of Johnny] Dang! Someone get the dude a chillow!

Lo

They're in the bus!

Broseph

Uh oh!

Bummer

[resort video] And why not try a delicious Wipeout Whale seafood stick! Now with seven percent real seafood!

Johnny

No food or drinks on the bus! And seatbelts on, and don't touch anything! And no farting! [hears someone fart]

Lo

Wow padded foot rest, sweet!

Fin

Whoa the seats recline!

Bummer

[on the resort video] Welcome to Surfer's Paradise, dudes!

Reef

Check it out, it's the new resort video! Bummer looks lamer than usual!

Johnny

[hears someone open a bag] Stop eating the cashews! They are for resort guest only!

Broseph

[eating cashews] If they weren't meant to be eaten, why did they put them in easy-to-open packages? Think about it, bro!

Emma

It's okay Johnny, everyone needs a little fun sometimes, even you! [puts her hand on his shoulder]

Johnny

Maybe you're right, I could use a little more fun, yeah! How about we see what these old whale wheels can do!

Emma

Woohoo, yeah!

Fin

They got the suit!

Hey guys! Quality punk!

Bummer

And the guy in the suit? We're clam-nappers! We're all going to burn! We're all going to jail all for clam-napping!

Johnny

Whoa, whoa! Speak for yourself! I didn't nap any clam.

Bummer

What'll it take for you to keep quiet about this. A hat? A T-shirt? A snowglobe? Two snowglobes?

Nah, don't worry about it. I should thank you. You did me a favor.