[seeing Emma in her uniform] Oh my gosh, that is so bad!
[about her uniform] I really have to wear this?
[carrying Fin's uniform] It's an authentic wench costume dating back to the 1800s.
[seeing her uniform] Okay, this is so lame! I'd rather wear the wench thing.
[pulls back the curtain] Consider yourself lucky.
[to Fin] Well, research shows that guests prefer their housekeepers to look neat and respectable. It makes them feel like you won't actually steal their possessions. [Fin gasps]
Broseph[coming from the boy's side] This is really itchy!
[spotting Emma] Arr, little wench, fetch me some cola or I'll make ye walk the plank!
[about Reef's uniform] At least I don't look like a preppy little momma's boy.
[Bummer, Broseph and Emma laugh]
Broseph
She's right, dude; you do.
[seeing Fin in her uniform] Yikes! Now that is bad!
[about Reef's phone] Do it and you lose it! This is so humiliating!
[sarcastic] Yeah yeah yeah, life's unfair, Daddy doesn't love me, blah blah blah. '[throws the name tags over his shoulder] Here are your name tags; you are required to wear them at all times.
ZZack
[to Broseph] Hey, aren't you the dude who drove the Jeep into the pool last night? That was awesome!
Broseph
[to Bummer] I have no idea what that guy is talking about, bro.
Your board is being freshly waxed as we speak. Where's young Broseph?
Yeah, he's not gonna wanna continue living after today for real.
Nice, one less grommet on my waves!
[throws his voice making coughing sounds, alerting Broseph about Ripper] Just Mr. Smith, one of the guests always in the bathroom. Do not recommend going in there right now. So uh what else you have plan for Broseph?
We just came up with the perfect idea for Broseph, the suit. [lifts up a smelly orca costume]
Ugh, that costume reeks! You know last week someone puked in there. I don't think anyone's ever cleaned it out.
Exactly! This is where we separate the men from the groms. I better go check on Reef! [exits]
[walks to the front desk] That's my suit from last week! [exits crying]
Broseph
Nah nah, I'm not wearing that, bro!
I don't have a choice, man; I have to make you wear it!
Broseph
That's cool; maybe I'll tell Emma about your mad crush on her.
Oops, can't find the suit.
Broseph
'[bumping fists with Johnny] My man!
Broseph
Yo Emma!
Broseph
As your first surf coach, I feel like I should tell you this is not cool, bro.
The Office is our secret surf spot!
Yeah, it's not for kooks, tourists or cute guys who could probably surf way better than me! (Everyone stares at him) Uh, strike that last comment from the record!
Guys, he's not a kook! Anyway he's just one guy!
SShep
Killer beach, dudes! Um, everything okay?
Broseph
It's cool!
You're wearing your bikini?
Yeah, I ran out of undies.
Didn't anyone show you the staff laundry hut?
Yes, but I hate doing laundry. I decided to live my whole life in my bikini!
Eww, that's kind of gross!
What? It gets clean in the ocean.
Nice hair, want some scissors?
[after Reef Splashes water on her] Thanks!
Oh, they've come up with this great new invention; it's called a towel.
Where were you?! Obviously not catching up on your beauty sleep!
Broseph
[notices a magazine in Fin's hands] Is that the new Stoked Magazine?
[holding up the magazine] Yes! Blaine Dixie scored the cover.
[takes the magazine] So, what's the big deal?
It's a big deal because girls almost never score the cover of surf magazines.
That's because they suck compared to guys!
[the girls gasp]
[shows the centerfold page he is looking at] Now, that I would put on the cover!
Please tell me you'll never procreate! [motions for Lo and Emma] Come on, girls! [they walk off, noses in the air. Johnny runs to catch up with the girls]
Hey, for the record, I think girls are pretty much better at everything.
Aww! See, that's why you'll have a girlfriend!
So you think I'm boyfriend material?
Definitely! [gasps] You should ask Samantha from the golf course out.
[disappointed] Yeah, yeah, I'll do that!
[laughs] So deep in the friend zone!
FIN! I need your help! [Fin turns off the vacuum] We have to get the totem back from George and return it to the waterfall so the Haiku Goddess chick doesn't keep cursing me!
Okay, even you couldn't make that up, come on!
Broseph
Nice!
[Reef, Broseph and Fin are in the Penthouse]
So this is where the princess lives!
Broseph
Whoa!
Now remember, don't touch anything... [to Reef] especially you, bad luck boy!
[Broseph touches a button on the remote and brings down a flat screen TV]
Broseph
[seeing the TV] Sweet!
It's a 92 inch flat panel HD Plasma Screen [goes to hug the TV] I didn't know they existed! [he hugs the TV and it falls]
Um, one question, what are we going to do about Bummer? He never leaves! This hotel is like, his life!
Broseph
Dude needs a vacation—or a girlfriend.
Or maybe just a date. Lo, how's your sweet talkin' skills?
I don't know— [walks over to Reef and starts flirting with him to demonstrate] but your hair is lookin' so good today, handsome!
Broseph
She's good.
I think I have a mission for you.
[sniffs the air] Ugh! [Johnny gags] Ugh! Dude, what is that reek?
[sniffing the air] From the potency of the stank, I say either a toilet backed up or it's—
RJReef and Johnny
Broseph! [Reef throws a shoe at Broseph's head]
Broseph
Bikini babe of my dreams, why you head butting me, girl?
Broseph, take a bath, man!
Broseph
[yawns] I take a bath everyday in the ocean, when I surf!
You need to take a real bath, dude! You smell like a walrus butt!
Broseph
No time, bro: the honeys always hog the shower!
Broseph
Dude! [points to a puddle] Water!
[Reef and Broseph drink from the puddle]
[gasps] No guys, don't drink that—you'll get beaver tail fever!
[after drinking from the puddle]
Broseph
So hungry!
And she's holding all our food!
[gasps] Oh no, beaver tail fever!
Broseph
[in a demonic-sounding voice] Give us the tails!
Never! [runs off, screams]
[running on all fours after Emma] Beaver Tails!
Broseph
Beaver Tails! [pops out from a shurb] Beaver Tails!
[still on all fours] Tails! [back at the forest with a demonic-sounding voice] Give us the tails!
[stops at a bear]
Gotcha, hand over the beaver tails!
The topic for today's morning psych up—love the guest more than you love yourself. Broseph?
Broseph
Yo!
If a guest asked you to use your hand to blow their nose, what do you do?
Broseph
Uh, run?
Wrong! You say, "Here you go, sir. Do you prefer my left or my right?" Emma! If a guest asked asked you to bob for apples in the lobby toilet, what do you say?
Wrong! You say, "Madam, would you like me to Macintosh or Golden Delicious?" [laughs; sees Wipeout trying to get a bee] Oh, I'm sorry. Am I disturbing you? [Wipeout shakes his head] Remember, you are here for one reason and one reason only.
To ride the most Quantum Epic off the Richter waves?
Wrong! To serve the guest and make their stay the best ever anywhere!
Six in one, half dozen of the other.
[sighs] I kind of had a boyfriend in Calgary but it didn't work out! He said I was nice! Like a sister nice!
Oh thanks, Johnny! You're so nice like a brother, you know?
My last boyfriend was all touchy feely! An octopus with fingers!
Too bad for you! My guy's awesome!
Sure, Stone Seabreeze! [they all gasp]
Broseph
The famous surfer!
The famous singer-surfer!
Seriously! You and Stone Seabreeze!
Seriously! When have I ever lied to you guys? He's a total sweetie! I meet him last year when he stayed at the resort!
Why had you never told us?
We want to keep on the down low! Stay out of the tabloids!
What's he like? Is he romantic like his songs?
Broseph
Is he a good kisser? [everyone looks at Broseph] What?
Yes, yes and yes! Come on guys! I don't want to brag about Stonie! It kind of cheapens our thing, you know?
Aww, you call him Stonie.
Hey bro, how come Bummer doesn't want us to play frisbee inside? [throws the frisbee to Broseph]
Broseph
Huh, can't remember, bro. [throws frisbee]
[frisbee hits a female guest]
FTFemale Teen
Ow, my nose! [covering her nose] Now I'll never be a teen model.
Come on, it doesn't look so bad. [shows Reef her nose] Eww, how do you feel about telemarketing? [female teen runs away crying] Go long! [throws frisbee to Broseph until it hits Emma]
[after getting hit by the frisbee] Ow!
[concerned] Emma, are you okay?
I'm better than okay, I'm 10 out of 10!
Broseph
Got that right, betty! [makes a gesture]
You have to promise to keep this quiet, I just became strikeless!
Because you're about to run her over!
Anyone going to the beach bash!
Okay! [using the external speakers] You can come too, but you have to stop doing that thing with your thumbs!
[Broseph knocks on the window]
Huh! [sees Broseph] I guess one more can't hurt! [sighs]
Broseph
My man!
Hey since your heading too town! Can we snag a lift?
No, no, no you cannot! I, I can't take this many people on the bus! I shouldn't be taking anyone!
Oh, I get it! It's because we're not strikeless like you! Sorry dudes, guess Mr. Prefect thinks he's better than us!
[gasps] You don't really think that, do you, Johnny?
Cool, then you can drive all of us!
Fine, just hurry up and get in!
Oh, and what do we have here! [dangles a ticket in front of Johnny] A spare ticket for Johnny to come to the bash with us! Are we buds or what?
They're all hitchhiking to the same place we're going! How lucky is that?
Yep, just call me Mr. Lucky!
[being carried on Reef's surfboard] I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead!
Broseph
[as Johnny goes blank] Dude, dude! [waves his hand in front of Johnny] Dang! Someone get the dude a chillow!
Broseph
Uh oh!
[resort video] And why not try a delicious Wipeout Whale seafood stick! Now with seven percent real seafood!
No food or drinks on the bus! And seatbelts on, and don't touch anything! And no farting! [hears someone fart]
Wow padded foot rest, sweet!
[on the resort video] Welcome to Surfer's Paradise, dudes!
Check it out, it's the new resort video! Bummer looks lamer than usual!
[hears someone open a bag] Stop eating the cashews! They are for resort guest only!
Broseph
[eating cashews] If they weren't meant to be eaten, why did they put them in easy-to-open packages? Think about it, bro!
It's okay Johnny, everyone needs a little fun sometimes, even you! [puts her hand on his shoulder]
Maybe you're right, I could use a little more fun, yeah! How about we see what these old whale wheels can do!
[carrying a pile of paper slips] Read 'em and weep, bras. Every phone number of every bikini babe from here to Bali. Now, who do I call first. [Reef's mom laughs] Moms?
Broseph
Uh, bit of a weird choice, dude.
RSReef's mom
Oh hi, honey! These nice young ladies offered to do my hair!
In exchange for stories about [in baby tone] little Leslie!
Oh! Tell us again how you invented your own stain remover for his skid marks. [Reef screams]
Stoked · 44 quotes
