So where are you guys working anyway? I'm working in the dining room!
DR, nice decent tip potential!
Reef[describing his job title] You are lookin' at the head of Water Sports and Surf Instruction.
Reef
Uh, is your name Reef?
Reef
Then it's not your job, [pulls out a letter] I got this in the mail last week!
[looking at the letter] Okay, there has to be some kind of mistake— [hands the letter to Johnny] they said it was practically guaranteed!
[looking at the letter] Looks legit! They do this all the time, move staff around. You'll get used to it.
That's so unfair! So what am I supposed to do?
Let me check! [pulls out his radio] Hey boss, just checking the employee posting for Fin McCloud?
Yeah, hold on! [reading the posting] Fin McCloud! Uh, that's housekeeping!
A maid? No! Oh no! Okay, I don't even clean my own room!
[seeing Emma in her uniform] Oh my gosh, that is so bad!
[about her uniform] I really have to wear this?
[carrying Fin's uniform] It's an authentic wench costume dating back to the 1800s.
[seeing her uniform] Okay, this is so lame! I'd rather wear the wench thing.
[pulls back the curtain] Consider yourself lucky.
[to Fin] Well, research shows that guests prefer their housekeepers to look neat and respectable. It makes them feel like you won't actually steal their possessions. [Fin gasps]
[coming from the boy's side] This is really itchy!
Reef
[spotting Emma] Arr, little wench, fetch me some cola or I'll make ye walk the plank!
[about Reef's uniform] At least I don't look like a preppy little momma's boy.
[Bummer, Broseph and Emma laugh]
She's right, dude; you do.
Reef
[seeing Fin in her uniform] Yikes! Now that is bad!
[about Reef's phone] Do it and you lose it! This is so humiliating!
[sarcastic] Yeah yeah yeah, life's unfair, Daddy doesn't love me, blah blah blah. '[throws the name tags over his shoulder] Here are your name tags; you are required to wear them at all times.
ZZack
[to Broseph] Hey, aren't you the dude who drove the Jeep into the pool last night? That was awesome!
[to Bummer] I have no idea what that guy is talking about, bro.
As your first surf coach, I feel like I should tell you this is not cool, bro.
The Office is our secret surf spot!
Yeah, it's not for kooks, tourists or cute guys who could probably surf way better than me! (Everyone stares at him) Uh, strike that last comment from the record!
Guys, he's not a kook! Anyway he's just one guy!
SShep
Killer beach, dudes! Um, everything okay?
Reef
Yeah!
Reef
Surf instructor reporting for duty! Any sweet macking honeys ready to get hot for teacher?
JJohhny
Reef, this is your surf student, Mr. Chester Grizzle!
CChester
Let's do this thing!
Reef
Him! But that dude's a dude, and he's old, and a dude!
CChester
[hits Reef on the head with his cane] Kids these days—no respect!
Indeed, sir, no respect at all!
Reef
[laughs] Yeah I get it, prankin' the new guy; good one, dudes, but seriously, where the honeys at?
You will show Mr. Grizzle the finest surf instruction available. [hands Chester a staff e-val] Here's a staff evaluation form sir. Now don't you hold back!
CChester
Heh, I'm going to enjoy this!
Reef
Man, this is total ca-ca!
CChester
Attitude, zero out of ten!
Reef
Okay, okay grandpa, let's catch some white wash.
[behind Reef at the movie] Oh! Reef, look! It's Bell's Beach! Hey, didn't you surf there? How did you stay on your board, even when Boardizafa couldn't?
Reef
[curtly, sounding unimpressed as Fin grins at him] You're getting some kind of sick enjoyment out of this, aren't you?
[whispering] You have no idea! [smirks at Reef]
Reef
Wait! You knew Break Point was playing tonight, didn't you? [gasps] You got the Kahuna to run it! I am so getting you back for this!
[mocking] I'm so scaaared! [giggles]
[via megaphone] Attention staff! People, we've got a code red! I've just received word that a very, very, very, very, very important person will staying at the hotel this weekend: none other than the one and only Mr. Stevens! [groms remain silent] Stanley Stevens! Editor of Luxury Vacations Magazine! a.k.a. the world's toughest travel critic! [the groms still have no idea] His review will make or break this! If we get a ten out of ten, it will put this hotel on the map and put me in line for a major promotion! [dances] I got the moves, got the moves yeah! Therefore I order all of you to give Mr. Stevens the absolute best this establishment has to offer—the finest food, the silkiest sheets, the most pristine pool, and a room in the royal suite!
[whispering] That's the best room in the hotel—after Daddy's penthouse!
For the next 48 hours, we are in V-V-V-V-VIP mode! There will be no slacking off! If you're not on duty, you're helping someone who is! Anyone who messes this up for me is looking at a big fat strike! Any questions?
Reef
Can me and Broseph get the weekend off to catch a seriously sick wave?
[using a megaphone] Not a chance, punk! Now people, let's get prepped!
Reef
So, how's the ship treating you?
If this were a real ship, I'd drown myself by now.
Reef
Yeah, I wouldn't want to work here either. [he hits the table, knocking over everything]
Reef, I just set that table!
Reef
Sorry, I'll clean it up.
No, not my bird napkins! Those took me a half hour to fold!
Reef
I can fold these for you, [folds the napkin into a ball] see?
She said a bird, not a turd! [exits]
Reef, do you mind if we hang out after our shifts? I want to finish resetting so I can get a surf in.
Reef
Yeah, no worries. I should go check on Fin anyway. She's probably dying out there without my expertise!
You're wearing your bikini?
Yeah, I ran out of undies.
Didn't anyone show you the staff laundry hut?
Yes, but I hate doing laundry. I decided to live my whole life in my bikini!
Eww, that's kind of gross!
What? It gets clean in the ocean.
Reef
[to Fin] Mornin', Ugly!
Nice hair, want some scissors?
[after Reef Splashes water on her] Thanks!
Oh, they've come up with this great new invention; it's called a towel.
Reef
Where were you?! Obviously not catching up on your beauty sleep!
[notices a magazine in Fin's hands] Is that the new Stoked Magazine?
[holding up the magazine] Yes! Blaine Dixie scored the cover.
Reef
[takes the magazine] So, what's the big deal?
It's a big deal because girls almost never score the cover of surf magazines.
Reef
That's because they suck compared to guys!
[the girls gasp]
Reef
[shows the centerfold page he is looking at] Now, that I would put on the cover!
Please tell me you'll never procreate! [motions for Lo and Emma] Come on, girls! [they walk off, noses in the air. Johnny runs to catch up with the girls]
Hey, for the record, I think girls are pretty much better at everything.
Aww! See, that's why you'll have a girlfriend!
So you think I'm boyfriend material?
Definitely! [gasps] You should ask Samantha from the golf course out.
[disappointed] Yeah, yeah, I'll do that!
Reef
[laughs] So deep in the friend zone!
Listen up, everybody! I got your staff evaluations from yesterday and I have one thing to say! Are you all zombies? Did I accidentally hire the walking dead? [reading e-vals] Four, six, three, seven. Reef, nine out of ten. Very nice. Fin, six.
Reef
Yeeaah, I beat you again!
No way! There was a rock band on my floor; they had a pig roast in the room!
Reef
Nine out of ten! Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah! I'm the king of the staff evaluations!
I got to say it's encouraging how seriously you're taking guest feedback.
Reef
Oh, we're not! I just want to kick her butt! Told you guys rule!
All right, that's enough! You're already late! Out, out, out!
Reef
So, you're still mad at me?
Yeah, until you take back what you said about female surfers!
Reef
Hey, just because you can't catch the same waves as I can doesn't mean you're any less of a surfer—oh, wait; it does! (Laughs)
That's it! Okay, I challenge you to a surf off right now!
Reef
I think I hear a toilet calling your name! Fin, come clean me, Fin!
Scared of getting your butt kicked by a girl?
Reef
Hey, I'm laid-back at lunch time and aggressive at crunch time. Bring it!
You know we'll get a strike!
Reef
Ha! I laugh at strikes!
Reef
Hey, it's the Kahuna, up for a quick session, before my first lesson.
Right on! [spots Reef's necklace] Hey, where did you get that?
Reef
The waterfall! Pretty cool, huh?
No, dude, hugely not cool! You never take anything from the waterfall, the waterfall goddess will curse you for the rest of you life.
Reef
Yeah, right!
No, for real, man! The last cat that took something from the Office lost both legs to a shark, now he has to surf on his belly, which is still cool.
Reef
Sounds like a load of baloney.
Reef
FIN! I need your help! [Fin turns off the vacuum] We have to get the totem back from George and return it to the waterfall so the Haiku Goddess chick doesn't keep cursing me!
Okay, even you couldn't make that up, come on!
[Reef, Broseph and Fin are in the Penthouse]
So this is where the princess lives!
Now remember, don't touch anything... [to Reef] especially you, bad luck boy!
[Broseph touches a button on the remote and brings down a flat screen TV]
Reef
It's a 92 inch flat panel HD Plasma Screen [goes to hug the TV] I didn't know they existed! [he hugs the TV and it falls]
Um, one question, what are we going to do about Bummer? He never leaves! This hotel is like, his life!
Dude needs a vacation—or a girlfriend.
Reef
Or maybe just a date. Lo, how's your sweet talkin' skills?
I don't know— [walks over to Reef and starts flirting with him to demonstrate] but your hair is lookin' so good today, handsome!
Reef
I think I have a mission for you.
Unacceptable people, unacceptable! Look at these staff evaluation forms! Fin, 7.5 out of 10!
Come on that's like a B+!
Yeah, I don't know what special school you went to, but a 7.5 means you do better. Reef, 4! Says here, "Needs to spend less time teaching girls mouth to mouth."
Reef
Okay, but the girl I was teaching was an 8 out of 10. So by my count, that puts me at an— [counts on his fingers] 9, 10, 11—12 out of 10! Math dude! [high fives Wipeout]
Okay, listen up! From now on, anyone who gets less than an 8 on a staff eval get an automatic strike, and you what three strikes mean!
LFLo, Fin, and Reef
We—are—outta—here.
[Emma enters]
[sarcastic] Oh, I'm sorry. Did I schedule the staff meeting during rubber ducky time?
I'm so sorry sir; there was a line up at the staff showers and I was—
STRIKE one, and let that be a lesson to the rest of you slackers.
No! My perfect employee record!
Oh, that's too bad! By the way, you're out of conditioner.
[sarcastic] Thanks for the heads up! [takes off her towel revealing her hair]
Reef
[sniffs the air] Ugh! [Johnny gags] Ugh! Dude, what is that reek?
[sniffing the air] From the potency of the stank, I say either a toilet backed up or it's—
RJReef and Johnny
Broseph! [Reef throws a shoe at Broseph's head]
Bikini babe of my dreams, why you head butting me, girl?
Broseph, take a bath, man!
[yawns] I take a bath everyday in the ocean, when I surf!
You need to take a real bath, dude! You smell like a walrus butt!
No time, bro: the honeys always hog the shower!
Reef
So hungry, so thirsty.
Dude! [points to a puddle] Water!
[Reef and Broseph drink from the puddle]
[gasps] No guys, don't drink that—you'll get beaver tail fever!
[after drinking from the puddle]
Reef
And she's holding all our food!
[gasps] Oh no, beaver tail fever!
[in a demonic-sounding voice] Give us the tails!
Never! [runs off, screams]
Reef
[running on all fours after Emma] Beaver Tails!
Beaver Tails! [pops out from a shurb] Beaver Tails!
Reef
[still on all fours] Tails! [back at the forest with a demonic-sounding voice] Give us the tails!
[stops at a bear]
Reef
Gotcha, hand over the beaver tails!
Stoked · 44 quotes
