So where are you guys working anyway? I'm working in the dining room!
JohnnyDR, nice decent tip potential!
[describing his job title] You are lookin' at the head of Water Sports and Surf Instruction.
Then it's not your job, [pulls out a letter] I got this in the mail last week!
[looking at the letter] Okay, there has to be some kind of mistake— [hands the letter to Johnny] they said it was practically guaranteed!
Johnny
[looking at the letter] Looks legit! They do this all the time, move staff around. You'll get used to it.
That's so unfair! So what am I supposed to do?
Johnny
Let me check! [pulls out his radio] Hey boss, just checking the employee posting for Fin McCloud?
Yeah, hold on! [reading the posting] Fin McCloud! Uh, that's housekeeping!
A maid? No! Oh no! Okay, I don't even clean my own room!
LLance
Did you see me get barreled?
Johnny
I definitely saw you get worked!
LLance
They don't call it the Office for nothing, dude! (All the seniors laugh)
KKelly
Come on, guys; it's almost seven. Time to haze some grom butts!
Right, the grand tradition of grom initiation. So how many we gonna let through this year?
To surf the Office, I vote none!
LLance
You said it, dude!
Johnny
You know, we were groms once, and our seniors let us through.
More groms equals less waves for me, equals an unhappy Ripper.
KKelly
I don't even surf; I just want to give them a hard time! [smacks her fist into the palm of her hand in anticipation]
LLance
[about the new employees] We still get to torture them, right?
Johnny
Oh, definitely—humiliate away.
Johnny
Hey man, what's up?
Your board is being freshly waxed as we speak. Where's young Broseph?
Johnny
Yeah, he's not gonna wanna continue living after today for real.
Nice, one less grommet on my waves!
Johnny
[throws his voice making coughing sounds, alerting Broseph about Ripper] Just Mr. Smith, one of the guests always in the bathroom. Do not recommend going in there right now. So uh what else you have plan for Broseph?
We just came up with the perfect idea for Broseph, the suit. [lifts up a smelly orca costume]
Johnny
Ugh, that costume reeks! You know last week someone puked in there. I don't think anyone's ever cleaned it out.
Exactly! This is where we separate the men from the groms. I better go check on Reef! [exits]
[walks to the front desk] That's my suit from last week! [exits crying]
Nah nah, I'm not wearing that, bro!
Johnny
I don't have a choice, man; I have to make you wear it!
That's cool; maybe I'll tell Emma about your mad crush on her.
Johnny
Oops, can't find the suit.
'[bumping fists with Johnny] My man!
As your first surf coach, I feel like I should tell you this is not cool, bro.
The Office is our secret surf spot!
Johnny
Yeah, it's not for kooks, tourists or cute guys who could probably surf way better than me! (Everyone stares at him) Uh, strike that last comment from the record!
Guys, he's not a kook! Anyway he's just one guy!
SShep
Killer beach, dudes! Um, everything okay?
Johnny
I'm just thrilled!
Oh, it has been an honour, sir! Oh, ho! Now, don't forget your giftbag.
SSeymour
Ah! Oh, well, thank you. Well, this hotel is fantastic and your staff is absolutely top-drawer.
I'll be sure to tell them... ♪ On my way to upper management! ♪
Johnny
Checking out so soon?
SStanley
Not soon enough! I have been ignored and abused by your staff all weekend! This is the worst hotel I've stayed at, and I've been to Siberia!
Johnny
OK, um... how will you be paying?
SStanley
You expect me to PAY?! Fine! Just charge it to my company card!
Johnny
OK, Mr... [reads the name on the card] "Stanley Stevens of Luxury Vacations Magazine"?! Will you... excuse me for one moment?
[Seymour and Bummer laugh]
Oh, that's a good one, Mr. S! [chuckles]
Johnny
Uh, Andrew? [whispering] Andrew!
Not now, Johnny. And your stay is on us, of course.
SSeymour
Oh! Well, that seals it, OK? This truly is the greatest hotel in the universe!
Sir, you are too kind, oh! I cannot wiat to read your review.
SSeymour
Review? What review?
[nudges Seymour's left arm with his shoulder] Oh, Stanley Stevens, you lovable joke-meister, you, heh-heh. Your review? In Luxury Vacations Magazine?
SSeymour
Um, there must be a mistake. I'm SEYMOUR Stevens, stamp collector.
[his left eye twitches before he wheezes] Huh? What?
Johnny
[whispering] We got the wrong Mr. Stevens!
[grabs Johnny's shirt and yanks his close] Where's the REAL Mr. Stevens?
Johnny
He went home early. He was kinda... unhappy with the service.
[releases Johnny and collaspes to his knees; Johnny covers his ears] NO-O-O-O-O!
SSeymour
Uh, do I still get to keep the bag?
You're wearing your bikini?
Yeah, I ran out of undies.
Johnny
Didn't anyone show you the staff laundry hut?
Yes, but I hate doing laundry. I decided to live my whole life in my bikini!
Eww, that's kind of gross!
What? It gets clean in the ocean.
Nice hair, want some scissors?
[after Reef Splashes water on her] Thanks!
Oh, they've come up with this great new invention; it's called a towel.
Where were you?! Obviously not catching up on your beauty sleep!
[notices a magazine in Fin's hands] Is that the new Stoked Magazine?
[holding up the magazine] Yes! Blaine Dixie scored the cover.
[takes the magazine] So, what's the big deal?
It's a big deal because girls almost never score the cover of surf magazines.
That's because they suck compared to guys!
[the girls gasp]
Johnny
Oh no, he didn't!
[shows the centerfold page he is looking at] Now, that I would put on the cover!
Please tell me you'll never procreate! [motions for Lo and Emma] Come on, girls! [they walk off, noses in the air. Johnny runs to catch up with the girls]
Johnny
Hey, for the record, I think girls are pretty much better at everything.
Aww! See, that's why you'll have a girlfriend!
Johnny
So you think I'm boyfriend material?
Definitely! [gasps] You should ask Samantha from the golf course out.
Johnny
[disappointed] Yeah, yeah, I'll do that!
[laughs] So deep in the friend zone!
[sniffs the air] Ugh! [Johnny gags] Ugh! Dude, what is that reek?
Johnny
[sniffing the air] From the potency of the stank, I say either a toilet backed up or it's—
RJReef and Johnny
Broseph! [Reef throws a shoe at Broseph's head]
Bikini babe of my dreams, why you head butting me, girl?
Johnny
Broseph, take a bath, man!
[yawns] I take a bath everyday in the ocean, when I surf!
Johnny
You need to take a real bath, dude! You smell like a walrus butt!
No time, bro: the honeys always hog the shower!
Fin, I said I was sorry! I didn't mean to drop you like that; I swear that I had you! [Fin tries to choke Reef] As soon as you have the use of both arms again, I promise to take you out for an awesome date in town. That was not good!
Johnny
I've never seen a shoulder at that angle before! She can scratch her own back so that's a bonus!
I'm so not getting anywhere with her!
Ya think? Dislocating a girl's shoulder is definitely not the way to impress her! Now what are we going to do?
TTuna
[laughs snidely] It takes two to tandem, bra! You can send that trophy over anytime, later!
We're not disqualifying ourselves! We'll have a replacement by Saturday and they'll be awesome! [to Reef] Okay, we have to find another girl! I'd do it but I'm ineligible, plus I need both my arms to dry my hair.
Johnny
Emma can barely surf on her own and Kelly doesn't surf at all!
For the love of wax, isn't there one single female at this hotel who can surf?
RRosie
I'll do it! I used to be quite the board rider in my day.
Johnny
Well, it was a good dream!
I can't believe I dropped her!
[sighs] I kind of had a boyfriend in Calgary but it didn't work out! He said I was nice! Like a sister nice!
Johnny
I know how that feels!
Oh thanks, Johnny! You're so nice like a brother, you know?
My last boyfriend was all touchy feely! An octopus with fingers!
Too bad for you! My guy's awesome!
Sure, Stone Seabreeze! [they all gasp]
Johnny
The famous singer-surfer!
Seriously! You and Stone Seabreeze!
Seriously! When have I ever lied to you guys? He's a total sweetie! I meet him last year when he stayed at the resort!
Johnny
Why had you never told us?
We want to keep on the down low! Stay out of the tabloids!
What's he like? Is he romantic like his songs?
Is he a good kisser? [everyone looks at Broseph] What?
Yes, yes and yes! Come on guys! I don't want to brag about Stonie! It kind of cheapens our thing, you know?
Aww, you call him Stonie.
Johnny
You have to promise to keep this quiet, I just became strikeless!
Johnny
Lo! Why?
Because you're about to run her over!
Johnny
Ahhh! [slams the breaks]
Anyone going to the beach bash!
Johnny
Okay! [using the external speakers] You can come too, but you have to stop doing that thing with your thumbs!
[Broseph knocks on the window]
Johnny
Huh! [sees Broseph] I guess one more can't hurt! [sighs]
Hey since your heading too town! Can we snag a lift?
Johnny
No, no, no you cannot! I, I can't take this many people on the bus! I shouldn't be taking anyone!
Oh, I get it! It's because we're not strikeless like you! Sorry dudes, guess Mr. Prefect thinks he's better than us!
[gasps] You don't really think that, do you, Johnny?
Johnny
No, no, of course not!
Cool, then you can drive all of us!
Johnny
Fine, just hurry up and get in!
Oh, and what do we have here! [dangles a ticket in front of Johnny] A spare ticket for Johnny to come to the bash with us! Are we buds or what?
They're all hitchhiking to the same place we're going! How lucky is that?
Johnny
Yep, just call me Mr. Lucky!
Johnny
[being carried on Reef's surfboard] I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead!
[as Johnny goes blank] Dude, dude! [waves his hand in front of Johnny] Dang! Someone get the dude a chillow!
[resort video] And why not try a delicious Wipeout Whale seafood stick! Now with seven percent real seafood!
Johnny
No food or drinks on the bus! And seatbelts on, and don't touch anything! And no farting! [hears someone fart]
Wow padded foot rest, sweet!
[on the resort video] Welcome to Surfer's Paradise, dudes!
Check it out, it's the new resort video! Bummer looks lamer than usual!
Johnny
[hears someone open a bag] Stop eating the cashews! They are for resort guest only!
[eating cashews] If they weren't meant to be eaten, why did they put them in easy-to-open packages? Think about it, bro!
It's okay Johnny, everyone needs a little fun sometimes, even you! [puts her hand on his shoulder]
Johnny
Maybe you're right, I could use a little more fun, yeah! How about we see what these old whale wheels can do!
You okay? Or should I call animal control? Come on.
Johnny
Somebody's jealous.
Jealous? Of some dude who's probably gonna hug and kiss Fin before I do. Right, as if.
Johnny
Because if you were, you could always flirt with someone else and make her jealous back.
Yeah! Two can play at that game... uh, I mean, if I were jealous, I could. Which I'm not.
Johnny
Okay, okay. Suit yourself. He's totally jealous.
CCaptain Clam
Hey guys! Quality punk!
And the guy in the suit? We're clam-nappers! We're all going to burn! We're all going to jail all for clam-napping!
Johnny
Whoa, whoa! Speak for yourself! I didn't nap any clam.
What'll it take for you to keep quiet about this. A hat? A T-shirt? A snowglobe? Two snowglobes?
CCaptain Clam
Nah, don't worry about it. I should thank you. You did me a favor.
[reading a magazine] "To get past your crush, find a new frog to kiss. There just might be a prince underneath." Hey Johnny, um, with Bummer all AWOL, I was thinking, do you wanna maybe, like, go on a lunch date? [Johnny freezes in shock] Johnny?
Johnny
[pulls out a card and recites it quickly] "I, Johnny Front Desk Guy, promise you, Emma, the absolute, most awesome you've ever been on in your entire life!"
Great, but what's with the card?
Johnny
Are you kidding? I've been waiting on this since, like, forever! I got a date with Emma!
Wow. He is really into lunch.
Stoked · 44 quotes
