Cameron Mitchell quotes from Stargate SG-1

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Coffee!

Lt. Col. Carter

Oh, thank you!

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Don't get too excited, they packed us decaf by mistake.

Lt. Col. Carter

D'oh.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Loud and clear, Teal'c. What's up?

Teal’c

Our time.

Lt. Col. Carter

I spent my entire life dedicated to science. That's the last ten years, trying to convince people they believed in false gods. I don't feel like science is gonna help me. Right now, I'm just hoping somewhere one of those gods...

Lt. Col. Mitchell

My grandma used to say, "God is like a prairie windstorm. If you look too hard, you get dust in your eyes, but there's still plenty of ways to know it's there."

Lt. Col. Carter

Is that what you believe?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Actually, I generally just nodded until she gave me a macaroon.

Lt. Col. Carter

That's a good sign.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

That's easy for you to say, you with that little flesh wound.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Pretty good, huh?

Lt. Col. Carter

Actually, they are pretty good

Lt. Col. Mitchell

[looking at Carter's face] You hate it.

Lt. Col. Carter

Yup, sorry.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well, to each their own.

Are you saying this Prior’s claims are false?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

We’re saying that book’s got about as much truth in it as The Da Vinci Code.

Vala

[conspiratorially] Hey, that’s what they want you to think.

Lt. Col. Carter

How's it going sir?

Longing for the days when I actually carried a weapon. What do you got?

Lt. Col. Carter

A crazy idea.

I'm down with crazy. I like crazy. Crazy and I are like... that.

Lt. Col. Carter

Cam likes crazy too.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Listen, if what Jackson is saying is true, there is an Ori ship out there with a near-complete weapon on it that could prove useful against the Ori. I think we should go after it.

You're right. That's crazy!

Vala

[assembling the weapon] Okay, I think that's about it.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Hang on. What's this?

Vala

[dismissively] Oh, I'm not sure about that one.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

See! There is always a widget left over.

Vala

I thought you were always one short?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well you'd think both was impossible, but it's not.

Vala

Right... Actually, I'm pretty sure that's the timing crystal that sets the detonation of the weapon five minutes after it's inserted.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Right. Hold on that. [into radio] Carter, status?

Lt. Col. Carter

[into radio] Vala, Cam, we're moments from exiting hyperspace.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Roger that. We're almost done here...Check that, uh, Vala's almost done. I still have my doubts.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

[into intercom] Carter, Sunshine [Daniel] is awake.

Lt. Col. Carter

That's good, is he okay?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well, he's grumpy.

Lt. Col. Carter

Can you ask him how he managed to cloak this ship?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

He says magicians don't reveal their secrets.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

How many times have you been married, anyway?

Vala

Legally? Hmmm, well, it’s hard to keep track. Let’s see. The first one was a part of a band of traveling entertainers. He was a good cook, too. Couldn’t make pie though.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

You know, forget it. Forget I asked.

Dr. Jackson

[checking his watch] So, therefore, next check-in is in just under six hours.

Vala

Good. Muscles, that means that we have time to go to the party.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

No, it does not! It means we stay here out of sight and remain as inconspicuous as possible. With a bit of luck, the people on this planet will never even know we were here.

Sylvana

[pushing him away for a moment] Don't. tell Hesellven, she is like a sister to me.

Never.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Hi. There's nothing to be alarmed about. We um—

Vala

How come they get to go?

Excuse me. Did you really come through the Ring?

Dr. Jackson

Yes, we did.

It's a portal, isn't it, to other worlds?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Yeah, I'd be happy to show you how it works, once we get it up up and running.

You want them to free your friends.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

I'm sorry. What?

Your demands. If you want to pose as the rebels, the first thing they usually do in situations like this is ask for the freeing of their imprisoned compatriots.

Sylvana

Don't talk to them.

No, it's okay.

Dr. Jackson

[Walks toward Cicero] What's your name?

Cicero. I'm a researcher here at the museum, and I believe you.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

You want to get on the radio and explain that to the folks outside?

Oh, I've tried. I've suspected as much for years, I've published dozens of papers, written a book. No one listens. My colleagues think I'm a bit of a joke.

Vala

Oh, Daniel, you've found a kindred spirit.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Is that what I think it is?

Vala

No, it's a Goa'uld naquadah bomb.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

For the record, that's what I thought it was.

Vala

Yes, I'm sure you did. Well, it seems in pretty good shape. If it's real, and if the naquadah core is intact. I assume these cases are connected to the security system?

Yes.

Vala

So, you can't get into the case.

You won't be able to access it without a security-card.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

And you have one of those, no?

Not for these exhibits, no.

Vala

Well, not to worry. You happen to be standing next to one of the best thieves in two galaxies.

[Turns to Mitchell] Ah!

Vala

No, not him.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Jackson.

Dr. Jackson

Mitchell, what's going on?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well, we've got ourselves a bit of a John McClane here.

Dr. Jackson

Wha-what are you talking about?

Teal’c

[walking past Daniel] Die Hard.

You're crazy!

Mitchell

Did you ever meet a sane rebel?