Cameron Mitchell quotes from Stargate SG-1

Dr. Jackson

Hang on.

Martin Lloyd

What?

Dr. Jackson

One, that's Star Trek and two, it's ridiculous.

Martin Lloyd

What's wrong with it?

Lt. Col. Carter

"The singularity is about to explode?"

Martin Lloyd

Yes.

Lt. Col. Carter

Everything about the statement is wrong.

Dr. Jackson

And how exactly is weapons at maximum going to help the situation?

Martin Lloyd

The audience isn't going to know, but they love weapons at maximum.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Never underestimate your audience. They're usually sensitive, intelligent people, who will respond positively to quality entertainment.

Teal'c

I do not understand why everything in this script must inevitably explode.

Yo! Wonderbread! You got that address figured out?

Chill T! I'm like, translating as fast as I can!

I am so sick of being treated as an object to be worshiped! I am a real person with real feelings!

You know, I don't think Mitchell likes me anymore...

I'm pregnant.

Lt. Col. Carter

Uh-uh.

Dr. Jackson

No.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

[incredulous look] Nope.

Teal'c

[sullen silence]

Martin Lloyd

I need a latte...

Lt. Col. Mitchell

I'm pretty sure I have read all the reports recently.

Lt. Col. Carter

Actually you haven't read 30185.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

30185? ... What's that?

Dr. Jackson

We can't tell you.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

What do you mean you can't tell me? I have the highest security clearance known to mankind! What–what is 30185?

Lt. Col. Carter

We were sworn to secrecy.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well, why even mention it to me if you're not going to tell me what it is?

Lt. Col. Carter

Sorry.

Vala

Can you tell me?

Dr. Jackson

Oh yeah, we can tell you.

Lt. Col. Carter

Well, it has to do with the time that the gate sent us back to 1969.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well, that can't have anything to do with me, I wasn't born 'til a year later.

Dr. Jackson

Actually, it was nine months before he was born.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

What?

Lt. Col. Carter

You have to remember, it was the Sixties...

Dr. Jackson

C'mon, you have to have known that Jack's always taken an interest in your life.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Jack? ...O'Neill?

Teal'c

Indeed.

Lt. Col. Carter

Remember when you were chosen for the 302 program even though you didn't think you should get in? How about when you were chosen for SG-1?

Vala

[laughing] Wait. Are you saying that Jack O'Neill is...

Lt. Col. Mitchell

...my daddy?

Dr. Jackson

All starting to make sense now, isn't it?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Awww, I'm being Punk'd, aren't I?

Martin Lloyd

[sarcastically] Yeaaah...that will work...a whole movie made with puppets...

Lt. Col. Mitchell

I was just sayi...

Martin Lloyd

Maybe we can have Puppet O'Neill jump over a puppet shark on a one-third scale motorcycle!

Vala

I don't get it.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Wow.. check this out. I'm no expert, but this looks important.

Teal'c

It appears to be a power generation chamber.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Exactly. Which has me thinking.. might be a good place to drop a little C4.

Dr. Jackson

But we can protect him.

Lt. Colonel Carter

Yeah, by locking him away for the rest of his life.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

What can ya say? There’s a downside to workin’ for super-villains.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

What?

Lt. Colonel Carter

Nothin’. I just think it’s funny how you’re always losing your pants.

Lt. Colonel Mitchell

Y’know, I don't mind gettin’ shot, but I pulled a hammie when I took out that last Trust operative.

Lt. Colonel Carter

At least you didn’t lose your pants.

Vala

Life Support seems to be failing... can you take this [the helm] for a minute?

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Great, now that you fixed that how ’bout looking at the inertial dampeners?

Vala

I didn’t fix anything, I just disconnected that annoying alarm.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Look, I know you have no reason to trust us any more than those guys.

I haven't seen you shoot anyone.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

...That's an excellent point.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

You should come with us.

My place is here. I'll be fine. I'll blame everything on you.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Good plan!

Dr. Jackson

I'm sorry, aren't you the one who knows the dragon's secret name? It's time to earn your keep.

Ba'al

Ah, yes. I may have exaggerated about that, slightly. Anyway, you didn't think that just by calling out its name, you'd suddenly be able to control it?

Dr. Jackson

I don't know. Name magic is common in most mythologies. To know something's secret name is to steal its power.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

So what are we supposed to do, start guessing?

Vala

Darrel, the dragon.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

How about Smokey?

Teal'c

Perhaps Puff?

Dr. Jackson

[annoyed]: Will you just give me a minute?

Merlin

Where am I?

Lt. Col. Carter

Good question.

Merlin

[to Carter] You look familiar. [pauses as he scrutinizes Carter] Guinivere! [hugging Carter] Oh my dear, it's been too long.

Lt. Col. Carter

Uh, good to see you too.

Merlin

[to Mitchell] Percival! [to Jackson] And Galahad! Oh brave knights, fortune indeed does smile upon me to see your faces again.

Ba’al

Looks like Merlin's drawbridge no longer goes all the way across the moat, if you catch my meaning.

Merlin

What's that? Mordred? I might have known it.

Ba’al

We're wasting our time with this old fool! We need to get back to the gate so I can start reprogramming—

Merlin

Be silent!

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Well how do you like that? The old boy still has some old tricks up his sleeve.

Vala

[regarding Daniel] Hey, you have to tell him that he doesn’t have to do this. He’ll listen to you.

Lt. Col. Mitchell

What team have you been on?

Dr. Jackson

I'm going to be fine...

Lt. Col. Mitchell

Look, you don't get fancy mindpowers unless there's been major redecorating going on inside your skull...