Daniel Jackson quotes from Stargate SG-1

Col. O'Neill

[pretending to be a Goa'uld] Jaffa, Hi!

Old man Goa'uld. How are ya?

Col. O'Neill

You heard me, I said "hi!"

Dr. Jackson

Jack?

Col. O'Neill

Hey guys. Makepeace! Nice rescue! Good Job!

Col. O'Neill

Dare I ask about the men inside the compound?

Dr. Jackson

They were turned into eunuchs.

Col. O'Neill

Eunuchs as in…snip-a-dee do-da? Sweet.

Teal'c, I would like you to act as liaison to the Goa'uld. Dr. Jackson—

Teal'c

[interrupting] Gen. Hammond.

Is there a problem?

Teal'c

I mean no disrespect. But I have given my allegiance to you, to the SGC and to the people of this world, freely. I will, however, not see to the petty needs of these Goa'ulds.

Dr. Jackson

[to Hammond] I'll... see to the petty needs of the Goa'uld, sir.

Dr. Jackson

Uh, the second Goa'uld representative we're expecting is Yu.

Col. O'Neill

Me?

Dr. Jackson

"Yu" is the name of the Goa'uld.

Col. O'Neill

Sorry.

Dr. Jackson

What just happened?

Col. O'Neill

Apparently we said hello, insulted each other, and broke for recess.

Dr. Jackson

We believe you, Teal'c, but I just don't think anyone else is going to.

Col. O'Neill

Certainly not those lying, scheming, no-good-for-nothing, slimy, overdressed stylemongers--

Maj. Capt. Carter

Sir! I'd like to try something.

Col. O'Neill

I wasn't finished.

(in a Mad Scientist voice) We will not attack your world, but if you continue to use your stargate, be warned... Anyone who is caught by one of the System Lords will be shown no mercy. They will suffer greatly...

Col. O'Neill

Well that certainly makes life more interesting.

Dr. Jackson

[About Nirrti betraying the other System Lords] Boy, is she gonna get it.

Col. O'Neill

[Plainly] My heart bleeds.

Dr. Jackson

Okay, well, this is all well and good, but none of us are going anywhere unless we get that Asgard generator working again.

Col. O'Neill

Carter, download the program to the removable whatever it is and meet me and yourself in the lab.

Col. O'Neill

All right, I gotta know.

Dr. Jackson

Yes, I'm about to activate it.

Col. O'Neill

No, no, no, not that. What the hell does "kree" mean?

Dr. Jackson

Well, actually it means a lot of things. Loosely translated it means "attention", "listen up", "concentrate"…

Col. O'Neill

"Yoo-hoo?"

Dr. Jackson

Yes, in a manner of speaking.

Aris Boch

Dr. Jackson, if you don't mind treating my wound.

Dr. Jackson

I'm an archaeologist.

Aris Boch

I know, but you're also a doctor.

Dr. Jackson

…of archeology.

Dr. Jackson

Barockna!

Col. O'Neill

Gesundheit.

Aris Boch

Dr. Jackson is right. There is something you can do.

Col. O'Neill

Let's hear it.

Aris Boch

Well, you help me capture a Goa'uld, and I'll let you go.

Col. O'Neill

He's worth that much?

Aris Boch

Twice as much as all of you put together.

Col. O'Neill

Twice?

Dr. Jackson

Twice.

Aris Boch

What, you're gonna argue?

Aris Boch

Oh, uh Dr. Jackson, I was lying to you before. The price on your head is much more than a day's ration. Actually, the Goa'uld want to see you dead as much as anyone for figuring out the stargate.

Dr. Jackson

Thank you, that... doesn't make me feel better.

Teal'c

This path is well travelled.

Dr. Jackson

This means the Stargate is still in use by someone.

Col. O'Neill

[Lifting his pinky to his mouth, remiscient of Dr. Evil] Or something...

Dr. Jackson

It was a procedure often done in the Middle Ages. They…well, they'd drill a hole in the person's head. By drilling a hole the evil spirits are released, thus saving the person from eternal damnation.

Col. O'Neill

Thus…saving the person?

Dr. Jackson

Well, they didn't call them the Dark Ages because it was dark.