Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Jacob!

Jacob

Jack, we've got a problem. We need to talk.

Hi! Hello. How are ya? Long time, no see. What's doing? What's up? Hey, buddy!

Jacob

I'm sorry, Jack. It's good to see you again. Congratulations on your promotion.

Thanks.

Jacob

You deserve it.

Yes. Well... What's up?

Jacob

The Replicators. They've launched an all out attack on the Goa'uld. If the Goa'uld can't find a way to stop them, the Replicators will easily overrun our galaxy, in a matter of weeks.

Why didn't you say so?

[after a pause, hurrying after Jacob] I'm sorry. You said we have a problem, not a big galactic emergency.

[holding up a Tok'ra receiver used to track down Goa'uld fleet] You know, we could have used something like this a long time ago.

Jacob

The High Council never thought they could trust you with it.

What changed their mind?

Jacob

Nothing. They don't know I took it.

Ah.

Jacob

My relationship with the council is still a little strained.

It's not going to get any better if you keep stealing stuff.

No complaints! I'll take anything I can get: Weapons, receivers, silverware...

Walter

Sir we are receiving a message from Thor. He said he is ready to transport...

Jack

You were saying?

Walter

Never mind.

I've got a better idea, instead of helping you, why don't we sit around and watch you get your ass kicked? [grinning] That way you'll be dead, and we'll be glad.

Ba'al

You cannot be serious.

Yes, I can. I just choose not to, some of the time.

Ba'al

With your insolence you're dooming not just your world but all of humanity.

I think big.

Sgt. Harriman

I'm sure he'll be here any second now. [awkward pause] So umm…

I am so sorry. I was just finishing up a lovely brunch.

Ba'al

Impudence.

No, tuna.

Oh, please don't tell me.

Ba'al

Anubis.

I asked you not to tell me.

Well, we have no idea how this Ancient device works or what the effects will be, but since Anubis has no real corporeal form it's likely he would survive it.

Jacob

He'll have no one left to rule.

For now. Time may not even be an issue for someone like him. He could essentially start over, re-populate the galaxy to his own specifications.

A little ambitious.

Use two of those things.

Col. Reynolds

Sir?

[using quotation fingers] It's a "blast" door!

Siler?

Thank you, sir.

I expect to be put in your will.

Already in it, sir.

Okay, that's… weird.

Lt. Col. Carter

Oh, I heard from Thor.

How's he doing?

Lt. Col. Carter

Great. He sends us all his congratulations and says that he'll drop by for a visit as soon as his consciousness has been downloaded from the ship's computer into a new body.

That just never gets old, does it?

All we know for sure is that he's missing.

Lt. Col. Carter

Sooner or later --

Forget it! I'm not fallin' for it this time.

Lt. Col. Carter

"Falling for it"?

Yeah! How many times have you thought he was gone, and then he shows up, in one form or another? I'm sorry, but we're not having a memorial service for someone who is not dead. [to the room] You hear that? I'm not buyin' it!

What? He's just waitin' for us to say a bunch of nice things about him. Next thing you know, he'll come waltzin' through that door, [gestures at the closed door] like, right now.

Waltzing… now.

So, we're all in agreement. One way or another, it's gotta go. Correct?

Teal'c

Indeed.

Thank you

Bra'tac

If you are suggesting we destroy this device against the wishes of the High Council, I must point out that would not be a good first step in relations between the Tau'ri and the newly formed Free Jaffa Nation.

[to Jacob] Why don't you do it? They already hate the Tok'ra.

Lt. Col. Carter

This is great.

I told you.

Lt. Col. Carter

I can't believe we didn't do this years ago.

Well, lets not dwell.

Lt. Col. Carter

...There are no fish in this pond, are there?

Nope.

Dr. Jackson

Jack?

Daniel.

Dr. Jackson

What's goin' on?

[as he receives a clipboard from Siler] You been shoppin' online lately?

Dr. Jackson

What are you talkin' about?

[as he hands clipboard to Daniel] Well, you've got a little delivery here.

Dr. Jackson

[looks at clipboard] It's from Catherine's estate.

Yeah – kinda looks like she sent the whole thing.

Dr. Jackson

[as he enters his office] Holy ... buckets! Looks like her entire collection!

[pats Daniel on the shoulder] I prefer stamps.

Now, in addition, we discovered several grains of troilite and a mesostasis phase which contained micrometer crystals.

Hmm.

Now it's undergoing further testing, but we hope to have the results on your desk first thing tomorrow morning.

[sarcastic] Don't you keep me waiting!

[missing the sarcasm] No, sir! Now here's where things get really interesting, because you will notice in this fissure—

Dr. Jackson

Jack! We need—we need to talk. Oh, sorry for interrupting.

[desperately grabbing Jackson's arm] No, it's okay! If it's important, you must interrupt. You must!