Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Dr. Jackson

So, how's the new job?

Oy! One crisis after another. This morning the mess got a shipment of Yukon Gold potatoes instead of the usual Russets.

Dr. Jackson

[sarcastic] No!

Oh, yes! The Golds don't make for good mash. Consistency's all wrong.

Lt. Col. Carter

I hear the new Russian Colonel came to see you, made a pitch to join SG-1.

Yeah.

Dr. Jackson

What'd you say?

Told 'em to make french fries instead.

Lt. Col. Carter

Did you notice anything peculiar about him, sir?

I thought it odd he was shooting up the Gate room.

Dr. Jackson

Who shot me?!

You were shooting up the Gate room...

You're not supposed to be walking around.

Dr. Jackson

It's my arm.

You were shot.

Dr. Jackson

Yeah. You shot me.

Not my point.

WALTER!

Sgt. Harriman

Sorry, sir. General O'Neill, Mark Gilmore. He's your new administrative aide.

General.

Did I order one of this--

Sgt. Harriman

[answers quickly before the question is finished] No, sir.

Do I really need--

Sgt. Harriman

Yes, sir.

Lt. Col. Carter

General.

Colonel! We've all met.

Dr. Jackson

Yes, actually, we know each other's life stories.

That snippiness?

Dr. Jackson

Is that a word?

Dr. Lee

Well, the good news is, it hasn't eaten anybody yet.

[sarcastically] Well, thank you, Seymour.

Ba'al

You have one day

Is that like one Earth day, or...?

Ba'al

You dare mock me?

Ba'al, come on! You should know. Of course I dare mock you.

Ba'al

You have one more day. [Ba'al's hologram disappears]

Is it really wise to provoke him?

It's what I do.

When you couldn't figure out what the Ancient device was for, you tampered with the power source so nobody else could.

Camulus

I did nothing of the kind.

Cammy...

Camulus

...Worth a try.

Regular contact, no exceptions. The second things start gettin' a little squirrelly—

Dr. Jackson

[walking away] Thank you.

Daniel! Squirrelly!

Dr. Lee

Well, I mean, we can input the parameters for different scenarios, but the vast majority of the simulation array comes from the mind of the user. The programming is actually built by interfacing memories from the individual’s consciousness with the chair’s matrix.

Carter, all I heard was "matrix" and I found those films quite confusing.

Lt. Col. Carter

Sir, you may have done it again.

Yes. How did I do it this time?

How was it? Was it any fun?

Teal'c

Indeed. You died well in battle, O'Neill.

Obviously, there's something defective with this thing.

What was my question again?

Dr. Jackson

Um, "how's it going?"

[absently] Seemed so innocuous at the time.