Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Samantha Carter

So this is the place you kept threatening to take me. It's good to see you, sir.

Jack O'Neill

I'm retired, Carter. Lose the "sir".

Maj. Carter

It turns out we made a mistake. A big one.

Col. O'Neill

Which one? We made a few.

Maj. Carter

Our alliance with the Aschen.

Col. O'Neill

Oh, that. Not working out, is it? Gosh, I wish I'd seen that coming. Oh, wait…I did see that coming.

Col. O'Neill

Well let me tell you something, Carter you want to erase your mistakes, that's your business. My conscience is clear. I warned everybody. I threw up the red flag and everyone, including you, shut me down.

Maj. Carter

I'm asking you to put that behind us...

Col. O'Neill

You're not happy with the way things turned out, I'm sorry to hear that... Personally, I like things the way they are. No more saving the world, just a nice pond with no pesky fish in it. And the single most pressing issue in my life is whether or not to get a dog...(beat) There're a lot of pros and cons to consider...

Welcome to Earth.

Shifu

A spark lights a flame, but the candle will only burn as long as the wick.

Col. O'Neill

If I may, sir. I think what he means is the wick is the centre of the candle, and ostensibly a great leader, like yourself, is essential to the... whole ball of wax. Basically, what it means is that it's always better to have a big, long wick. Right?

Daniel Jackson

Don't look at me.

Col. O'Neill

It's right, though? Right?

Maj. Carter

Sir, we've received word from the Tok'ra.

Col. O'Neill

[annoyed] Did we really have to call them?

Dr. Jackson

Something on your mind?

Col. O'Neill

Your behavior, as a matter of fact.

Dr. Jackson

What about it?

Col. O'Neill

Well, for starters, who gave you the authority to give orders around here?

Dr. Jackson

Actually, the Pentagon.

Maj. Carter

I have talked to everyone I know. No one's answering my calls, responding to my e-mails, even my letters.

Col. O'Neill

Because they think you're nuts.

Maj. Carter

What are we looking for?

Col. O'Neill

The 'off' switch.

Dr. Jackson

What is wrong with this thing? This thing isn't working.

Col. O'Neill

Did you check the batteries?

Dr. Jackson

From what I've been able to translate so far with Loren's help, the Goa'uld used to use this place as some sort of, opium den. The only difference is their symbiotes must have kept the host's mind chemically balanced once they left.

Teal'c

Then it is most likely I will be able to leave this planet.

Col. O'Neill

Oh how nice for you.

Col. O'Neill

How long were we standing here?

Dr. Jackson

I'm not sure. Long enough to figure out how to translate the writings on this thing, so...

Col. O'Neill

That long?

Dr. Jackson

Yeah, well, perception of time is one of the first things to go when you're... high.

Maj. Carter

Be a good excuse for you.

Col. O'Neill

Huh?

Maj. Carter

To do nothing for a while.

Col. O'Neill

What?

Maj. Carter

Forget it.

Col. O'Neill

That would be forget it SIR.

Maj. Carter

Oh please, you think I'm keeping that up if we're stuck here forever?

Col. O'Neill

Listen Major.

Maj. Carter

No way.

Col. O'Neill

That's no way COLONEL.

Maj. Carter

I'm supposed to accept that. That's the way it's gonna be?

Col. O'Neill

That's the way it is.

Maj. Carter

What difference does it make. It's not up to you.

Col. O'Neill

Carter! You're in withdrawal.

Maj. Carter

Oh I'm in withdrawal?

Col. O'Neill

Yes. So am I.

Teal'c

Are you ready, O'Neill?

Col. O'Neill

No. Give me a warning.

Teal'c

I am going to shoot you.

Col. O'Neill

I was thinking more along the lines of "on three." One—

Col. O'Neill

[in pain] Two!...God, I said on three. God.

Col. O'Neill

I'd like to talk to you about this mission upon which we're about to embark. It seems... a bit ridiculous, doesn't it?

Col. O'Neill

So what brings you to our little secret base, sir?

That would be the ridiculous mission you just mentioned.

Col. O'Neill

The General Ryan?

I've read a lot about you Colonel.

Col. O'Neill

[tentatively] Yes, Sir?

Thus far, we like your work.

Col. O'Neill

Thank you Sir! I like yours. Your Air Force. The Air Force. I love the Air Force...

Anything else, Colonel?

Col. O'Neill

No, sir. Well, actually, I'd like to know how Daniel and Carter got out of this...very important mission.