Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Teal'c

This does not seem wise, O'Neill!

Col. O'Neill

I said it was easy, not wise.

It's not my thing.

Col. O'Neill

What isn't?

People. I mean, give me a million-year-old fossil and I'll tell you what it had for breakfast, but I'm not too good at people. They're too recent.

Teal'c

Trust in me, O'Neill.

Col. O'Neill

What if I'm not O'Neill?

Teal'c

Then I was not talking to you.

Dr. Jackson

Kaa kedka! [he cowers somewhat; the Unas stops short, surprised that Jackson speaks his language]

Maj. Carter

What did you just say?

Dr. Jackson

I think I just asked him not to kill me.

Col. O'Neill

And they're buying that?

Dr. Jackson

[as the Unas alpha begins to growl] No, I don't think so.

Col. O'Neill

Took you long enough!

Teal'c

You are welcome O'Neill.

Col. O'Neill

Hey, what have you got?

Maj. Carter

The analysis of the atmosphere in the wake of the ship shows a high incidence of Sulphur Dioxide.

Col. O'Neill

Chemical warfare?

Maj. Carter

I don’t think so sir. Take a look at this.

Col. O'Neill

Oh yeah! Little fuzzy orange things!

Maj. Carter

They're Microbes, sir...

Maj. Carter

The question is, will they listen?

Col. O'Neill

No, the real question is, will they have ears?

Martin Lloyd

A top secret government program involving instantaneous travel to other solar systems by means of a device known as a Stargate!

Col. O'Neill

Sounds like a good idea for a TV show…if you're into that sort of thing.

Maj. Carter

Does anyone know what this meeting's about?

Dr. Jackson

No but I hope it's important. I was right in the middle of translating that cuneiform tablet we found on P30-255.

Maj. Carter

I still have to finish recalibrating MALP 3KA's sensors for long term reconnaissance on P5X-327.

Teal'c

I was unable to complete my Kel no'reem.

Col. O'Neill

[after a pause] I was just about to...do...something important.

Martin Lloyd

Colonel, let's not play games. If it isn't true then why did you come here?

Col. O'Neill

The truth! There is a top-secret government program called project Stargate.

Martin Lloyd

I knew it!

Col. O'Neill

But it has nothing to do with space travel.

Martin Lloyd

What does it have to do with?

Col. O'Neill

[conspiratorially] Magnets!

Martin Lloyd

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Col. O'Neill

[dramatically] No…I've already said too much!

Martin Lloyd

So, you still don't believe me? I'm an Alien!

Col. O'Neill

You look pretty human to me.

Martin Lloyd

I can't explain it Colonel, I just have a gut feeling, like we have something in common.

Col. O'Neill

Well, that's very flattering, but I'm not an alien.

Col. O'Neill

How do ya lose a spaceship?

Martin Lloyd

Well, my memory isn't so good. Sometimes, I get a little confused. I think it might be the medication.

Col. O'Neill

Yeah, well, there ya go.

Martin Lloyd

Don't ya wanna know how I found you?

Col. O'Neill

Uh… OK!

Martin Lloyd

In your car, I noticed a map of the Sleep-Rite Motel Chain. I checked every one in town.

Col. O'Neill

There's two!

Martin Lloyd

I'm surprised a man in your position wouldn't take more precautions to maintain your cover.

Col. O'Neill

Marty I'm not undercover!

Martin Lloyd

You think I'm making this all up. Look at this.

Col. O'Neill

Yes… It all makes sense now.