Jack O'Neill quotes from Stargate SG-1

Teal'c

I told you before O'Neill, I will not run!

Col. O'Neill

Teal'c, you're coming with us, even if I have to knock you out, and drag you out myself. Got it?

Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs.

Col. O'Neill

Since when?

Since the election of this administration!

Why did you call me out here?

Col. O'Neill

Cuz Maybourne's not.

Col. Maybourne

I have a presidential order to take the aliens with me. Stop them. Use force if necessary.

(to Daniel) Your race has learned nothing. But you have. The Tollan are most welcome to join the Nox. Please come.

Col. Maybourne

Stop!

Come.

Col. Maybourne

Fire! Fire!

Col. O'Neill

God, I love those people.

Col. O'Neill

Then we'd better start looking for a way. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to die on some god-forsaken block of ice a million light years from home. Is that clear?

Capt. Carter

Yes Sir!

Col. O'Neill

Good. Now help me up.

Capt. Carter

Ah, I don't think you should move.

Col. O'Neill

Probably not, but my butt's freezing to the ground. Come on. [Carter helps him up] Ah. [They look around] Ah, a little paint, a coupla windows, maybe a fireplace in the corner, it'll be just like home.

Capt. Carter

[O'Neill's clasping his chest] What's wrong with your chest?

Col. O'Neill

I think I cracked a rib too.

Capt. Carter

Why didn't you say something?

Col. O'Neill

I was afraid you'd try to put a splint on it.

Capt. Carter

I didn't know you could cook.

Col. O'Neill

I can't, but my melted ice is to die for.

Capt. Carter

Colonel?

Col. O'Neill

It's my sidearm, I swear. [Sam starts to laugh] No giggling... please.

Somebody stole my life. That's what happened.

Col. O'Neill

You talking about my life?

Hey! I've got every right to it that you do!

Col. O'Neill

Yeah well...there is, um, a little issue of security. You know everything I know about Earth. Codes, defenses...

We'll bury the gate, don't worry. And don't even think about sending a bomb to make sure.

Col. O'Neill

I wasn't!

Yes you were. I know you.

Col. O'Neill

All right. You have my word... colonel.

Call me Jack.

Colonel O'Neill?

Ah, for cryin' out loud...

Col. O'Neill

Come on Daniel, let's get you fixed up.

Dr. Jackson

No! There's no time! We're all in very big trouble! They're coming! They're coming...

Dr. Jackson

Now I know this is hard for you guys to believe, but I swear to you the whole time you thought I had disappeared on P3R-233, I was experiencing an alternate reality.

Col. O'Neill

[sarcastically] And you were there, and you were there, and there's no place like home.

Capt. Carter

Daniel, it's not that we don't believe you…

Dr. Jackson

So you do?

Col. O'Neill

No. It's just that we don't believe you.

Capt. Carter

Alright, when you were in this alternate reality, were there differences?"

Dr. Jackson

Yes. Ah, Teal'c was leading the attack on Earth, I wasn't even part of the program, you and Jack were engaged to be married.

Col. O'Neill

Excuse me?

Capt. Carter

What?

Col. O'Neill

All right, wait a minute. Let—let me get something straight here. Engaged?

Capt. Carter

It is theoretically possible.

Col. O'Neill

It's against regulations!

Capt. Carter

I'm talking physics, sir.