John Edward quotes from South Park

But, I'm a psychic.

Stan

No, dude. You're a douche.

I'm not a douche. What if I really believed dead people talk to me?

Stan

Then you're a stupid douche.

I think I've had enough of your bullying me. Get out of my house or I'll run upstairs, lock myself in my panic room and call the police.

Stan

I'm 9 years old.

I'm not talking to your friend and I'm not a douche! [runs upstairs] You better get out of my house or I'm going to call the police!

Stan

You are so a douche! I'm nominating you for the Biggest Douche in the Universe award, you douche!

You better not call me a liar, a fake, or a douche, or else I'll sue you for slander!

Stan

I am saying this to you, John Edward. You are a liar. You are a fake. And you are the biggest douche ever.

Everything I tell people is positive and gives them hope! How does that make me a douche?

Stan

Because the big questions in life are tough! "Why are we here?" "Where are we from?" "Where are we going?" But as long as people believe in asshole douchey liars like you, we're never going to find the answers to those questions. You aren't just lying, you're slowing down the progress of all mankind, you douche!

Now I'm hearing a P-word, maybe a Per.

My Harry died last year.

Oh, it's coming from here, I'm getting all kinds of voices today, woo! Now Harry, he's telling me, oh, well he's telling me you two used to do things... [woman nods] And that those things involved stuff?

They did involve stuff, yes!

Ah, yes!