Marcus quotes from South Park

Marcus

Students, faculty, and staff, today we are facing an epidemic of catastrophic proportions. I know I am not alone in mourning the loss of one of our greatest entertainers, Chuck E. Cheese. Had we known the personal hell he was going through, perhaps we could've helped. But too many were more than eager to supply Chuck E. with the opioids that caused his untimely death. Chuck E. was not the first entertainer to die from this epidemic. Let us not forget Dinkie Dook the Clown, dead of a Roxanol overdose at Tommy Schneider's bar mitzvah last March. Shimmer and Shine, who both collapsed from massive amounts of oxycodone at Nelly Anderson's birthday party. Spider-Man, cut down in his prime by Demerol, and just recently, Swiper the Fox, dead of multiple opioids found in his crochet pillow. How many more entertainers must we lose before we take action?! It is time to declare war on opioids in our society!

[on microphone] Okay, okay, can everyone hear me? Hello? Thanks, everyone, for helping us celebrate Marcus' birthday. As a special birthday surprise for you, Marcus, we got you your favorite entertainer. Everyone, please welcome Chuck E. Cheese.

Hey. Check.

Marcus

Yes. Yehehehehes.

[rather clearly appearing so strung out he can barely stand] I ah thanks... for'm celeb... Marcus's birthday....

What's wrong with him?

Can't you tell? He's high on painkillers!

[tries to remember what he's supposed to play] Hold on. Shit. Okay, let's.... Let's do this! [slams a riff on his guitar] ♫ Never meant to cause you any sor-♫ [projectile vomits with enough force to spew out of the holes in his costume head, before he falls off the stage, dead, as Marcus can only scream in horror]

All right, kids, uh, why don't we head back to the party and cut the cake?

Marcus

I don't want cake! Who's gonna eat cake at a time like this?! (crying)

Another drug overdose?

Most likely. Percolate and Oxycontin found wrapped in his cheesecloth.

Prescription drugs, but with no prescription

You guys know where all these illegal meds are coming from?

Most likely from the prisons. Whenever there's a drug epidemic you can usually trace it back to people who've been... thrown away by society and forgotten about.

Marcus

[answers the phone] Yes?

We're at Mimi Thompson's party. Peppa Pig just collapsed on stage!

Marcus

Oh, my God! Don't let anyone near Peppa Pig until I arrive! [arrives at the scenery] Move aside! Let me through! Aw, Peppa. Peppa, can you hear me? My name is Marcus Preston. Can you understand me? Where did you get the drugs, Peppa? Was it from Stan Marsh?

Yo, man, what you talkin' about? Get me a fuckin' ambulance!

Marcus

Shh, Peppa, focus. Soon, you'll be in heaven jumping in all the muddy puddles you can imagine. But first, you must tell me, where do the Hummels go, Peppa?

All right, let us through. Get away, kids.

Marcus

Peppa, now! Why Hummels?! You've got to squeal!

Old people. Old people... love... Hummels.

Marcus

It's okay, she's with Chuck E. Cheese now.

Marcus

Hello, Mr. Marsh!

Stan

Marcus.

Marcus

I told you I'd bring you down.

Stan

Marcus, it's not what you think. I'm trying to make things better here.

Marcus

Oh, I bet you are! You, your grandpa, ALL the people here, are going to jail! I'm calling the police!

Stan

You can put an end to this place, but you won't be stopping the problem. These people are victims too, Marcus. Victims of a way bigger game being played by way bigger people!

Marcus

Oh, you're a fine one for speeches! When it comes to saving your own ass!

Stan

It's not for me, Marcus. Look, I know you loved Chuck E. Cheese. I know you'd do anything to bring down the people who took him from you. That's why you have to go further, Marcus. Take it to the people who profited from Chuck E.'s addiction.

Marcus

[crying] He was just a mouse… who wanted to make people happy.

Stan

I know. I know.