LiamIs Lip okay?
Ah, he'll be all right. It's not his first time getting questioned. He can handle an interrogation.
Liam
You can't just use your cop "get outta jail free" card? When I get in, I'm gonna try to grease the wheels of justice.
Do we have any triple-A batteries?
That's a big hole. Coulda just said he wanted to renovate.
Your brother's a fuckin' drama queen, man. Hey, scarf that shit down. I wanna go check on Terry. We have a lotta pick-ups today.
I don't know if we have time. We would if you stopped yappin' and started eatin'.
Liam
You guys remember I have a thing after school, right?
What thing? Don't ya want your dad there, cheerin' you on?
Liam
Mm... not really.
Well, what is it, anyway?
Liam
A contest to pick a new name for my school. The winner gets a free iPad.
Why does your school need a new name?
Liam
'Cause it's named after Dennis Hastert.
Liam
Former speaker of the House of Representative. Native Chicagoan. And a child molester. He's canceled.
Canceled? You can't cancel history. It's already happened. Political correctness is gonna kill this country.
Uh, beside the point. We can't be applying today's sexual standards to... molesters of yesteryear.
Molesting used to be okay?
Dennis Hastert brought a lotta federal dollars to Illinois. I don't think I can just stand by while the PC police erase his legacy.
This is the hill you wanna die on, Frank? Defending a pedo?
Defending tradition, defending our shared history? Yeah. I'll die on this hill. This is a hill we all should die on together.
Come on. Hey, let's go. I wanna make sure they're takin' care of fuckin' Terry over there.
What the fuck?! Who fixed the drywall?
Someone fixed the drywall. [Scoffs] Not it.
Liam
So that means we're not selling the house, right?
Did I repair the damage that some dumbfuck did to my kitchen? Yeah.
My problem? You're the one who's mentally unstable.
What, 'cause I want to sell the house?
Yes! It's driving all of us crazy. I mean, Liam, am I right?
Liam
For real. Are we selling the house or not?
Liam
This is why I haven't pooped in three days.
Yeah, and I had sex with a gay guy. And now I probably have AIDS. So thanks a lot, Lip.
How is it my fault that you had sex with a gay guy?
...
We are not selling the house.
We are selling the house, all right?! Everybody got that?! No more conversations, no more bullshit, we're selling the fuckin' house! Let's go.
Still probably don't have AIDS. Everybody's on PrEP.
Well, I'm sure I have something.
Well, syphilis, maybe. Gonorrhea. Lots of that going around.
Ah, relax. That's like saying you walked on the beach and you have sand between your toes. Should probably hit a clinic, though.
Liam
Can I ask you something?
Liam
Did you steal that painting?
Liam
There's security cameras, alarms, guards. How did you do it? According to the news, they don't know who took it or how or when.
Ha! Iko, baby. [Chuckles and looks in mirror of shop] Dad?
Liam
No, that's you.
Oh, God. When did I get so old? Where are we going?
Liam
Give me your arm. I'm writing Lip's number down in case we get separated. I need your help with this kid Wen Chung, see if I can get him to fail his math test on Monday.
Liam
The STEM charter middle school I want to go to automatically accepts the first kids in each class. Everyone else has to compete for the few remaining spots. I'm number two.
Liam
Thinkin' I'll play the Black card. Then the poor card. Then maybe even the dead-mom card.
You could tell him you're gay, too.
Liam
Ooh. That's a good idea. The gay card's always a winner.
Whatever it takes. But you can't let China steal your future.
Liam
This is still America, right?
Are you asking? Greatest country on Earth.
Liam
Right.
No little Chinese communist bastard can ever take that away from you, no matter how many COVID flus they send our way, try to kill us.
Ew! Ass fuck! [Kicks Frank's bed waking him] You shit yourself, Frank! What the fuck?!
Liam
[Meets Frank in hallway] Frank.
I just shat the bed and pissed myself.
Liam
Ew!
I'm lost. Spent. Used up.
Liam
You're just being dramatic.
I'm hopelessly wandering in a world I don't recognize.
Liam
It's just a bad morning for you. Happens to the best of them. What are you doing today?
Liam
Me neither. Let's have some fun.
Liam
Come on. It's like you used to always tell me. Either you run the day, or the day runs you.
Liam
[Sighs] Just get in the shower. We're gonna do some Frank things.
Liam
Yeah. Drinking, scamming... You know, Frank things.
[Ian pulse checks an unresponsive Frank on the couch] Is he dead?
Grampy went tinkle in his pants.
Ugh, damn it. Not on the new couch.
[Walks up] Hey, what’s goin’ on?
How much heroin did he do?
Yet another disadvantage to decades of copious narcotics use.
Should we, like, call the paramedics or something?
No, he’s done this before a bunch of times.
Liam
He may be trying to kill himself. He’s been depressed. The dementia’s getting bad.
Hand me that syringe. [Ian hands her one and she pricks Frank's hand]
Or he’s already brain-dead. That happens with overdoses.
I guess it’s up to us to finish him off. Quick so*t to the head, dump his body in the lake. I don’t think anybody’s gonna miss him. What? We’d just be helpin’ Mr. Fuckup finish the job.
HHeidi
You could pillow him. That’s what my dad did to my grandpa so we could sell his double-wide. Couldn’t afford his oxygen refills anymore.
Debbie’s got a new friend.
HHeidi
Hey, you check his pockets, see if he got any money on him?
Shameless · 903 quotes
