Oh, and FYI, I happen to like the voiceovers on Grey's Anatomy. Except for when they are really vague and generic.
[voiceover] And so in the end I knew what Elliot said about the way things were had forever changed the way we all thought about them.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[About Heather] I'd let her give me a bath. I don't care if my mom was watching.
Okay, I made you breakfast, the kitchen's as clean as a whistle, I'm gonna drop Jack off at daycare on the way to work, is there anything else I can do for you?
I need you to go to the video store and get me anything with Viggo Somethingsen. I need white chocolate, strawberry seltzer, peppercorn brie and a polaroid of the tomato plant that I planted last spring, because I'm worried it may have snails. Oh, and if you see that neighbor Lena from down the hall I want you to roll your eyes and say the word "slut" under your breath, but loud enough so she can hear, and don't forget to be home by 6:30 because you gotta give Jack his bath before you make my dinner!
But, when will I have time to kill myself?
Well, that's not my problem!
That was a coincidence.
What?
That knife! It just happened to go in the exact right spot. You do not get a "win" for dumb luck!
Look. If that's the way you choose to see the world, then so be it. But don't you dare try to take this away from me. I've been coming in here every day for 24 years, watching children die and seeing good people suffer. And if I quit believing that there was a bigger plan behind all this? Well, I just wouldn't be able to show up tomorrow. So just stop it!
I'm sorry.
It's okay. You'd be surprised, how many bad things happen around here for a reason.
I wish I could believe that.
I am not telling anyone that my daughter has been born.
But you just told Jordan that you're gonna...
Yes, and that's what we call a lie, or, when you're married, communication.
[to Laverne] Wow. I'm still not ready to do this. It's gonna be so weird not having you by my side everyday. Making fun of the doctors. Going on and on about Jesus; man, I hope he's real or you're gonna be pissed. Remember my first day? When that patient came in and started bleeding out on me. I was so shocked I could barely move. But you stood by my side. And you guided me through it. And then you did the most amazing thing of all: you made me laugh. [chokes up] For the last 15 years you've been my role model, but most of all you've been my friend. And I don't know what else to say, but [crying] I'm really, really gonna miss you. Good-bye.
Dr. Cox!
You might want to knock, he's in an imaginary glass bubble.
[Lonnie knocks]
[pantomimes opening a window] What?
[looking down at Dr. Cox] I need help with a patient.
Twenty minutes.
[begins to walk away, turns around] Hey, how long does it take for an old woman to slowly bleed to death?
How do you know sign language?
JJanitor
Well, when I was in high school I was a volunteer janitor at the Hoboken Zoo. And one night I was out plucking peacock feathers to sell for pens when I noticed Gary the gorilla making the sign for food. I gave him my danish. He gave the sign for "thank you". Those were the only two signs that Gary knew. Except for boobs. He liked 'em big and hairy.
Join the club, playa.
JJanitor
Get away.
[shrugs] Okay. [leaves]
JJanitor
So, eventually Gary, I'm sorry to say, died of lung cancer. For that I blame myself, because I used to share my smokes with him. But he also piqued my interest in signing, and in his memory I took my first signing class.
Is any of that true?
JJanitor
Someone would have to read it back to me.
If Turk's mind is set on something, it can't be changed! I can't even imagine how I'd try.
[J.D. begins to enter a fantasy; however, the show's viewpoint remains in the real world]
[voiceover] Oh, great. There he goes off into his fantasy world. Now I'm stuck here waiting until he snaps out of it with some weird comment.
We'd have to find a whole lot of gnomes!
That's helpful.
What are you thinking, Ted?
[voiceover] I could jam this [knife] through the soft spot on his temple, then slit my wrists with it before anyone got in to stop me... [to Kelso] The usual, sir.
Well, you'd never do it; you don't have the guts.
[Carla and the nurses walk in]
If it's okay with you, we'll take that raise now.
Okay, but in this little fantasy of yours, can I not have prostate problems any more? I can't sleep more than 40 minutes without needing to take a whiz...
Unfortunately for you, someone left this invoice for the hospital needles on my desk. And they're really undercharging you! So, either you shell out the extra 20 grand a month for our raises, or we call the needle company and it'll cost you twice that.
[angrily] Ted, are you responsible for this?
[expressionless] Please, sir. I don't have the guts. [voiceover, deliriously happy] Oh yeah! Suck it bitch! I will murder you!
MMelody
Of course, we could make out.
[J.D. looks at her, surprised]
MMelody
Yeah, I know it's a little bit trampy but, what the hell, so am I.
Does heart trouble run in your family?
My uncle was shot in the heart.
Hey, guys. I hear there's a Steel Magnolia in room 309 that needs a little pruning.
Todd, she's 68 and has syphilis.
The Todd accepts all applicants, regardless of age or disability.
[Keith has just proposed to Elliot]
[voiceover] As I looked at all the relationships around me... Some that had gone on forever... some that were reigniting... and some that had just begun... I realized something: It should have been me.
[J.D. has just found out Kim did not miscarry their child]
Were you ever planning on telling me?
Yes, but I didn't know what to say.
How about: "J.D., I think there might be something living inside my uterus."
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