Sam Puckett quotes from Sam & Cat

Sam

Puckett.

Well, guess what, Puckett?

Sam

What?

You got swag and you got spunk. You got that swaggy spunk!

Sam

  [watching Salmon Cat on the screen]  Ugh.  This is TTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRREEEEEEEE.

Cat

  [watching Salmon Cat on the screen]  Shh!  I like it!

Sam

  [sick of the show]  Okay.  I can't watch any more of this trash.

Cat

Well, what movie did you see?

Sam

"Blood Monkeys: Chimpley Strikes Back."

Cat

[gasps] That's rated R!

Sam

So?

[angrily] That movie messed me up, man!

Cat

Well, I am really smart.

Sam

[spits out her drink and laughs] Say that again!

Cat

I said, "I am really smart".

Sam

[spits out her drink and laughs again]

Now, why did I have to come here?

Sam

'Cause I need to mess with my roommate's head.

Okay...so I'm supposed to be you. [points at Sam]

Sam

No! You're gonna be evil, insane, wild, and dangerous.

So...you.

Sam

Me...times a hundred.

Wait, you mean the "twinfection" thing?

Sam

Uh-huh.

Oh, Sam, you know no one's dumb enough to fall for that.

Sam

[laughs] Let me tell you a little about my roommate. [smiles]

Sam

I tricked Cat, I tricked Cat, I'm so cool 'cause I tricked Cat! [Myron and Byron jump up and start dancing] I tricked Cat with my twin sister!

Cat

What are-

Sam

Her name is Melanie and she's dancing too!

Cat

What are they doing here?

Sam

I don't know!

Sam

Hey, Cat?

Cat

Hey.

Sam

How did Ellie know that our money was in the pineapple?

Cat

[nervously changes the subject] Umm....oh, Spanish Talk Radio! I wonder what they're saying, I'll turn it up. Oh.

Sam

[turns off the radio]

Cat

I know I shouldn't have told Ellie about the pineapple, but it seemed like a good move at the time.

Sam

Dang it, Cat!

  Nurse, what is your name?

Sam

  Sally Meatballs. [Jumps out window]

  I'm suspicious.

Cat

  Officer. Officer. Could you turn on the radio?

  Yeah, sure. Hey, and maybe later, we'll go get some pizza and go to the mall and meet some boys.

Cat

  I think he's being sarcastic.

Sam

  [sarcastic] No!

Cat

  Sam?

Sam

  What?

Cat

  Could you please pull over so I could put on my seat belt?

Sam

  No!

Sam

  Get the keys from the cop?

Cat

  Okay. Which one?

Sam

  The one I'm sitting on!

Hmm, do you have an appointment?

Cat

Yeah, I made one online.

Cat Valentine and Samantha Pookay?

Sam

It's Puckett.

My screen says Pookay.

Cat

I'm pretty sure it's Pookay.

Sam

Shouldn't I know?

Cat

Yeah, you should!

Dice

I'm in major trouble here.

Sam

No, you're not! 'Cause I'm gonna jump the tuna.

Dice

[grateful] Yes.

Cat

You promised me you wouldn't.

Sam

Oh, what do you care? You can't like me very much if you're gonna flirt with my ex-boyfriend right in front of my face.

Cat

W-well you flirted with Robbie right in front of my face.

Sam

Oh, you mean like this? Mmm… that was some tasty Robbie.

Cat

Y'know what? Jump your stupid motorcycle over the tuna fish.

Freddie

Whoa, whoa, whoa. That sounds dangerous.

Cat

It is… and I don't care what happens to you.

Cat

I thought you guys were fighting.

Sam

Why would we be fighting?

Cat

Well, you're both anti-social misfits, filled with anger and rage.

Wait. Is that why you haven't invited me over ever since you moved in?

Sam

And why you never wanted me to meet her?

Cat

Yeah.

What'd you think would happen?

Cat

Murder.

Do you wanna murder me?

Sam

No, I'm good.

Sam

Ah, all right. I'll buy everyone a present for Yay Day.

Cat

Me too?

Sam

Swear no snooping?

Cat

Yes. Cross my bra.