Sam Puckett quotes from Sam & Cat

Sam

  Do we have a hammer?

Cat

  No.

Sam

  [begins banging head into the door]

Cat

  Sam, don't do that!  Use this.

Sam

  I asked you if we had one of those!

Cat

  You asked me if we had a hammer.

Sam

  Well, what do you call that?

Cat

  A nail banger!

What are you two, a couple of dummies? Blue Dog Soda has been banned in California!

Cat

Banned?!

Sam

Whaaaaaat?!

Cat

Why?

'Cause there's too much sugar in it and thanks to me, the State Bureau of Interference has passed a law: It is now illegal to sell or to drink Blue Dog Soda.

Sam

That's insane!

Cat

That's our favorite beverage.

Too bad! Did you know that some people drink 10-12 bottles of this junk per day?

Cat

Well, we don't!

Sam

Yeah, but we drink, like, 1 or 2 a week!

Yeah, well, some people drink too much of it.

Sam

So? Just 'cause some people drink too much of it, now nobody can have any?

That's right! Because the public is too stupid to be trusted with things that they enjoy!

Wǒ bù xǐhuān nǐ shuōhuà de fāngshì! Wánquán bù hélǐ! ("I don't like the way you talk! It's completely unreasonable!")

Shut up!

I'll take it myself.

Hey, watch out!

Sam

[shrieks]

So, you girls babysit?

Cat

Yeah.

Sam

Why, you gonna ban us from babysitting now, too?

Nah. I have a kid, and I don't like him. So, maybe I'll dump him on you two for a while.

Sam

Pretty soon, we're gonna have all the Blue Dog Soda we want.

Cat

How?

Goomer

Harh.

Sam

I'm makin' it. I went online and did a ton of research, and pretty soon, I'm gonna have the exact formula.

Sam

We're making Blue Dog Soda as a protest. This is about doing what's right!

Dice

What do you mean?

Cat

Well, it's wrong that there are people out there who want to butt into everybody's business and tell us what we can and can't have!

Sam

Exactly.

Dice

Okay. So, then, what's the plan here?

Sam

We make enough Blue Dog Soda for ourselves and to sell to anyone who wants some.

Sam

[opens the door] It was Cat.

Cat

SAM!!!

Look, are you two babysitters or not?

Sam

Listen, buddy, unless you got a warrant, you can't just come in here and b—babysitters?

Yeah. Remember the flier? It said you two babysit.

Cat

We do.

Good. [to Mitch] Mitch, get in here! [to Sam and Cat] This is my boy, Mitch. And I thought that maybe you two could babysit him for a few hours.

Sam

Oh, so you came here just 'cause you want us to babysit your kid?

Yeah. And he's not much trouble. He just likes—what d'you like?

Television, football, cheese.

That sort of stuff.

Why can't I just stay with you?

Well, because Daddy has to go find some bad people and put them in jail.

Cat

What bad people?

Somebody has been making illegal Blue Dog Soda and selling it.

Sam

No, those "jerks."

Cat

Yeah, "jerks."

We don't know who it is, yet, but some genius copied the formula.

We're gonna find 'em, we're gonna bust 'em, and we're gonna shut 'em down.

Sam

Okay.

Cat

You do that.

How come?

'Cause sugar is bad.

Sam

Okay, so, you, uh, gonna shut down the people who make grape juice? 'Cause grape juice has a lot more sugar in it than soda has.

Uh, n-no it doesn't.

Sam

Yeah, it does.

Cat

Grape juice has lots more sugar than soda.

Sam

So, you gonna ban grape juice?

L-look, I am not interested in facts! So, anyway, I'll be back to pick up the kid later.

I love you, Daddy.

Don't embarrass me.

You Blue Dog Soda punks are in serious trouble!

Sam

Why?

Why?!

Sam

What's your problem?

Cat

Yeah, what's wrong with making a tasty soda that everybody loves?

Dice

Which we wouldn't have had to do if you hadn't banned Blue Dog Soda in the first place!

Goomer

Has anybody seen the butt-scratcher?

Cat

What's your problem with Blue Dog?

My problem is that some people drink too much of it and that's not healthy.

Sam

So? Some people eat too many sandwiches; you gonna ban sandwiches?

Cat

Oh, and roller coasters! What if a kid decided to ride roller coasters all day long everyday? He'd flunk out of school!

Dice

You gonna ban roller coasters?

Sam

And what about sleeping? I mean, if a person sleeps way too long, they're gonna wake up in a pile of their own poop.

Cat

You gonna ban sleeping?

Goomer

And pooping?

Dice

And what about hugs?

Sam

Right!

Dice

If you hug someone real tight for too long, you could kill 'em.

Goomer

That is true.

Sam

So, maybe you should ban hugging.

Dice

Why don't you just ban everything?

Cat

Yeah! Because too much of anything could be bad for you, but it's not fair to punish everybody.

Sam

Just 'cause some people can't control themselves.

Goomer

Don't you think people oughta be free to choose?

Cat

This is America.

Dice

The 7th-smartest country in the world.

Sam

And we don't need people like you telling everybody what we can and can't do.

Dad, what's wrong?

They're right! I'm so stupid!

Sam

To Blue Dog!

Cat

And to freedom! [the quartet celebrates their victory with bottles of Blue Dog Soda]

Sam

Did you get a B?

[sadly] No. [happily] I got an A!

Cat

We trickered you into thinking she failed!

Sam

Ah, so I guess you want money now.

[laughs] Yes. [picks up Pear Pad] Your total with tax comes to $156.20

Cat

What?!

Is there an issue?

Cat

$150!?

Sam

For a doll?!

For a Fresno Girl doll.

Sam

My mom's had butt surgery that didn't cost that much!

You guys, if it's too much money, you don't have to buy Gabriella for me. I'm used to being disappointed.

Goomer

[riding Cat's bike that's hanging from the ceiling] Look at me! I'm going nowhere!

Sam

Yeah, that pretty much sums up your life.

Sam

(to Dice) Dice, go clean up our kitchen.

Dice

No!

Sam

Then why are you here?

Cat

Hey! Who wants to try my hot crapple pie?

Sam

Let's answer together.

Dice

Let's sing the answer.

[sings] Nobody.

Flying robits?!

Sam

Robits?

Cat

That's what she calls robots.

Sam

Why would she call robots robits?

Dice

'Cause she's old.

[sprays Dice with a hose. She smiles] I may be old, but who's wet?