Stu quotes from Rugrats

Stu

ANGELICAAAA!!!!!!

Stu

Good morning, Champ.

Happy Birthday, Tommy.

Didi

You're a whole year old today.

Stu

And boy, have we got some great presents for you. [Tommy giggles as Didi picks him up. Didi then kisses him on his forehead. Tommy giggles as Didi lays him down on his changing table. She pulls up his shirt, and untapes Tommy's dirty diaper. Tommy coos as Didi changes his diaper] Wait til' he sees my present, Didi. Did I tell you about the Hoverama prototype?

Didi

Uh-huh, you did, Stu.

Stu

Picture this, Didi. The body's thirty-six inches long and about four feet diameter and... [before he can finish, Didi lifts Tommy's legs] Yikes!

Didi

Oh, just put it in the pail, Stu, and hand me a fresh diaper!

Didi

Oh, my, you have a terrible fever, honey!

Stu

What's wrong with Tommy?

Didi

It's a fever, Stu. He's burning up! I wonder how he came down with it so fast?

Angelica

It wasn't me.

Stu

I'll go call Dr. Schachter.

Didi

Poor little thing!

Angelica

Maybe Phil and Lil gave it to him, I know I didn't, did I?

Grandpa

Awe, you guys call that doc every time the little fellow's got a hiccup. Now in my day...

Drew

[Appearing as the star on Tommy's mobile] Pop, why don't you get the thermometer.

Grandpa

Thermometer? Why the boy's just got a chill! All you've gotta do is turn him upside down...

Drew

[cutting him off] Never mind. I'll get it.

Grandpa

Now just get some apple sauce and an old sock big enough for his head.

Stu

[annoyed] Pop.

Didi

Let him finish.

Grandpa

I was just saying, you turn him upside down and then feed him the apple sauce.

Stu

I remember that one, it was apple sauce everywhere.

Didi

Maybe we should try it.

Stu

We're not doing the apple sauce! It didn't work, then it doesn't work now. Anyway, the doctor said not to worry to just give him his baby drops and call in the morning.

Angelica

Maybe Chuckie came over and opened his window.

Drew

[now with the thermometer] Found it.

Grandpa

You kids just didn't have the stomach for the apple sauce cure.

Drew

Not the apple sauce cure.

Grandpa

Why we had to walk...

Drew

[bored] How many miles, Pop?

Grandpa

Fifteen miles to school for your information in the snow, with no shoes!

Stu

Come on, Champ, here we go.

Didi

It says here in Lipschitz to put a radio under his or her pillow.

Stu

Our radio's bigger than his pillow.

Angelica

I don't see what the big fuss is all about, he's just faking it.

Didi

Or it says we could sing him or her a lullaby! Do we know any?

Stu

We could make one up.

Didi

You think?

Grandpa

Most homers... Second Tuesday... April.

[over phone] Hello?

Grandpa

Hello?

[over phone] Hello?

Grandpa

Hello. Is it Bucky Majors?

Grandpa

Yippee! We won, Tommy, we won!

Stu

What's all the commotion about, Pop?

Grandpa

Grab your gloves boys! The Pickles are going to the ballgame!

Stu

It talks, it walks, and it wets. Worse of all it even gets real diaper rash!

Didi

So?

Stu

Come on, champ. Now, where to first, gang?

Angelica

I want to go on a ride, Uncle Stu.

Didi

Which ride, sweetheart?

Angelica

That one! That one!

Angelica

The Nause-O-Whirl!

Didi

Oh, I don't know, Stu. That looks way too scary for a little girl. Honey, don't you think it would be more fun to go on a ride like that one?

Angelica

I want to go on the Nause-O-Whirl! I want to go on the Nause-O-Whirl!

Grandpa

Let her go. Everybody's got to get scared stiff at some point in their lives. Might as well be when they're three years old.

Stu

This food was worth the whole trip.

Didi

I'll say, you never know where you'll find good seafood.

Tommy

You know, Angelica, this Clam Canyon is great but I think I had more fun at the Graham Canyon.

Angelica

[last words] It's GRAND Canyon. [to Cynthia] Cynthia, it's impossible to teach babies anything.

Drew

Mmm, what do you say to a little bet? Make things more interesting. Say, five bucks a hole?

Stu

[loudly] Shame on you, Drew! Betting is a bad, bad thing! [quietly] Make it ten!

Angelica

[crying] I want my ice cream!

Stu

We didn't really pay enough attention to the kids today.

Drew

You're right, Stu. We got a couple of free games. Maybe we could let the kids play. It won't take long.

[sobbing and groveling] Oh, please, no! Anything but that! I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING!

Stu

Could we find something the kids will like?

Wanna play in my doll, Stuie. [He brings his doll and broke. Lil start public crying and then Stu]

Chuckie

Looks like trouble.

Chuckie

What's wrong, Stuie?

Stu

Toy broke.

Tommy

I miss my daddy!

Didi

Time to say, bye-bye, sweetie. [Tommy starts bawling] Oh, what's that matter sweetie.

Angelica

Of course, it's me, you babies! There's going to be trouble! That does it!

Tommy

But, Angelica, I don't have to...

Angelica

[she slapped his mouth] Quiet, Tommy. My daddy says that your show is the biggest gravy-train in town.

I beg your parden?

Gosh. After Happy Bear almost got caught by the Taxidermist, I couldn't sleep for days.

Mr. Finster, have you Talked to a psychiatrist about this?

He didn't understand.

[yelling] What's wrong with you people?! Don't you have any real lives outside of this mindless cartoon!?!

Betty

[dumbfounded] Well, really? We just thought you liked to hear from a few of your fans.

Well, I don't!

[confused] How can the creator of Happy Bear be so cruel?

[furious] Randy!

Wait a minute, Paul. I can explain everything. [After Randy notices his neighbors at his house unexpectedly]

Angelica

Now if this doesn't work, I quit!

Oh, I'm sorry, Paul, let me get that for you.

Drew

Hey!

Randy, I do not know how you did it but these guys really crack me up! You're a Comedy Genius!

Chuckie

Eww! Now what are they doing?

Tommy

I don't know, but it looks like they're having fun.

Fun?! Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [starts to cry, the camera zooms into her mouth and swerves behind her uvula showing the shot from the inside as Paul wandered up]

Aww, what's the matter, Susie?

Now, we're gonna have to move because my daddy's gonna get a new house!

Move?! Randy, you jokester. I'd never allow it. With all these wild characters in the neighborhood. It's a writer's gold mine! In fact, how would you kids and your parents like to come down and see the Dummi Bears Studio tour?

Angelica

Aww, do we have to... [Drew muffles Angelica]

Drew

We'd love to, Paul.

Paul, I'm so glad you came. We'll have to have you back again.

Yeah, well, I'll see you at the office, huh?

Stu

Wow. He looked right at me. That man has changed by life! Man, we didn't need words.

Look kid. It's just an act. Under this freak show, I'm a regular guy. Just like your dad.

Didi

Maybe we better go.

Angelica

Why do I have to go? I wasn't crying.

Sorry, folks, no refunds.

Didi

I'm glad we left. I'd forgotten how unsanitary circuses are.

Stu

Come on, Deed. Circuses are an American institution. They're part of growing up. Kids love the circus.

Chuckie

I hate the circus.

Tommy

Chuckie, it's all over now.

Chuckie

Hey, thanks for bailing me all back there, Tommy. I felt really stupid crying all by myself.

Tommy

Don't mention it.

Angelica

It's not fair. We didn't get to see any of the good stuff all because those babies started crying.

Drew

Angel, you got to see a lot of good stuff. Remember that big scary lion.

Angelica

That dumb old lion didn't even have any teeth.

Drew

And you got cotton candy and popcorn. And Daddy even bought you that nice stuff turtle he was screaming for.

Angelica

Stupid turtle. It doesn't even do anything.

Drew

What do you expect for $16.95.

Angelica

The whole circus was dumb.

Drew

Not now, cupcake, I suppose if you have the circus, you can do everything your way.

Angelica

If I ran the circus. Hmm.

Didi

Stu, what are you doing?

Stu

Making chocolate pudding.

Didi

It's 4:00 in the morning! Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?

Stu

[tired deadpan] Because I've lost control of my life.

Angelica

[watching TV in a queen bed] Ah ha ha ha ha!

Stu

Here's your pudding, Angelica.

Angelica

Oh, that's okay, Uncle Stu. I'm not hungry anymore.

Angelica

Ooh, it's so pretty.

Tommy

Can I see?

Angelica

Amazing.

Tommy

Please?

Angelica

Incredible.

Tommy

That's not fair! I wanna see the kaleidoscope.

Angelica

[to Tommy] Oh, you wanna see.

Tommy

Uh-huh.

Angelica

You really wanna see?

Tommy

Uh-huh.

Angelica

You really, really, really wanna see?

Tommy

Uh-huh!

Angelica

Oh. [handing Tommy the kaleidoscope] Okay. [as Tommy was about to reach for it, she then pulls it away] Oops, I forgot...it's not for babies!

Stu

[angrily argues with Drew] So, what you're saying is my inventions are junk!

Drew

Don't put words in my mouth. You're always putting words in my mouth.

Stu

[grabs Drew by the shirt] You never have one encouraging thing to say about any of my inventions!

Stu

My inventions are great! (angrily taking the kaleidoscope away from Angelica) For example, take this piece of junk you bought.

Angelica

Hey!

Stu

She could have bought a Stu Pickles Super Sense-o-Max kaleidoscope for the same price!

Drew

[furiously turns his back on Stu and angrily crosses his arms] Well, maybe she didn't want a Stu Pickles Super Sense-o-Fuzz-a-Whatever-it-is!

Stu

He started it.

Drew

Did not!

Stu

Did too!

Drew

Did not!

[furiously covers Drew and Stu's mouths] ZIP IT, THE BOTH OF YA! (The argument does end, and Angelica takes the kaleidoscope back from Stu.) Always fightin' ever since you were babies!

Angelica

You mean Daddy and Uncle Stu used to fight when they were babies?

Fight?! Heh... [uncovers Drew and Stu's mouths] They made their civil war look like a dang squirrel hunt.

Stu

What do you mean, Pop?

Drew

[crosses his arms] We never fought.

Are you kiddin' me? Them two were always going at it. Why, I remember one time when Stu was about, well, Tommy's age, not even old enough to talk. Yes, sir. I remember it just like it was yesterday.

Stu

I just wish there was something I could do!

Didi

Oh! [the doorbell rings] Who on earth could that be?

Mr. Pickles?

Stu

That's me.

My name is Winston St. George. [as he talks to Stu, he removes his monocole and wipes it with a piece of cloth] Two weeks ago, I was walking down the street when I spied a rare Siberian Tiger Hound worth thousands. I was tempted to keep him to breed, but then I saw your ad.

Stu

Ugh! Spike!

Spike, eh? Well, I've been calling him Nightscroft's Squire Muldoon.