[Cut back to the TV, where the fishing show breaks for a chicken commercial]
CChareen
[on TV] Hi, I'm Chareen for Squeaky Chicken Restaurants. [cut back to Grandpa, who gets up from his chair to, shall we say, "take care of personal business"] Want to know what we got in store for you? Our new Chicken Half-Pounder!
GrandpaWell, nature beckons.
CChareen
[voice only, on TV] The other guys only give you a third of a pound in their chicken sandwich, and, yeech, that's without Squeaky's special sauce. So come on in now and try our new Chicken Half-Pounder! It's more chickenny! And for a limited time only...
[As the commercial continues above, Tommy puts the spent toilet paper and the plunger aside. Grandpa, meanwhile, offstage, gets a surprise of his life upstairs in the bathroom]
Oh, my, you have a terrible fever, honey!
[Just then, Stu enters the room, at which point we pan back to Tommy's view of his family. As Stu enters, his normal human figure transforms into the cloud figure on Tommy's mobile and starts floating around the room. The room then transforms into outer space, with Tommy on top of the half-moon, as he's still in his mother's arms at this point. Tommy moans]
It's a fever, Stu. He's burning up! I wonder how he came down with it so fast?
I'll go call Dr. Schachter.
Maybe Phil and Lil gave it to him, I know I didn't, did I?
[Grandpa Lou is now in the room, he appears to Tommy as the airplane on his mobile]
Grandpa
Awe, you guys call that doc every time the little fellow's got a hiccup. Now in my day...
[Appearing as the star on Tommy's mobile] Pop, why don't you get the thermometer.
Grandpa
Thermometer? Why the boy's just got a chill! All you've gotta do is turn him upside down...
[cutting him off] Never mind. I'll get it.
Grandpa
Now just get some apple sauce and an old sock big enough for his head.
Grandpa
I was just saying, you turn him upside down and then feed him the apple sauce.
I remember that one, it was apple sauce everywhere.
We're not doing the apple sauce! It didn't work, then it doesn't work now. Anyway, the doctor said not to worry to just give him his baby drops and call in the morning.
Maybe Chuckie came over and opened his window.
[now with the thermometer] Found it.
Grandpa
You kids just didn't have the stomach for the apple sauce cure.
Not the apple sauce cure.
Grandpa
Why we had to walk...
[bored] How many miles, Pop?
Grandpa
Fifteen miles to school for your information in the snow, with no shoes!
Come on, Champ, here we go.
[Stu is now holding Tommy, making Tommy appear on the cloud in his hallucination as he takes his temperature. As soon as his temperature is taken, we cut back to a shot of everybody as humans, Didi is now looking through one of her Lipchitz books]
It says here in Lipschitz to put a radio under his or her pillow.
Our radio's bigger than his pillow.
I don't see what the big fuss is all about, he's just faking it.
Or it says we could sing him or her a lullaby! Do we know any?
Grandpa
Most homers... Second Tuesday... April.
WWoman
[over phone] Hello?
Grandpa
Hello?
WWoman
[over phone] Hello?
Grandpa
Hello. Is it Bucky Majors?
[The woman speaks but it's muffled. Grandpa jumps up in down in excitement.]
Grandpa
Yippee! We won, Tommy, we won!
What's all the commotion about, Pop?
Grandpa
Grab your gloves boys! The Pickles are going to the ballgame!
Come on, champ. Now, where to first, gang?
I want to go on a ride, Uncle Stu.
[Angelica sees a ride called the Nause-O-Whirl.]
Oh, I don't know, Stu. That looks way too scary for a little girl. Honey, don't you think it would be more fun to go on a ride like that one?
[Didi tries to convince Angelica to go on a ride called Snail Adventure (where the kids look thoroughly bored).]
I want to go on the Nause-O-Whirl! I want to go on the Nause-O-Whirl!
Grandpa
Let her go. Everybody's got to get scared stiff at some point in their lives. Might as well be when they're three years old.
[Drew and Stu walk to the front of the boat]
CCaptain
Are those your boys?
Grandpa
Nope. Never had kids. [walks to kids at back of deck, who are near the bait well] All strapped in sprouts? Hah, that's good. You know, it can sometimes be dangerous out here on the high seas. [throws Angelica's doll and toy boat into the bate trap and demonstrates with her] Once I was washed overboard in a storm and was stranded on an island for fifteen days with nothing to eat but salt and sand. Luckily I was rescued by the navy seals. Brave, brave men, those navy seals. Have fun kids and stay out of the bait well. [walks away]
Grandpa
[Grandpa wakes up in shock.] Huh? Wha? What?!
You said you'd watch the kids, remember?
Grandpa
Oh, of course I remember.
Why don't you call Zippy's Snappy Delivery Deli and just order some lunch for you and the kids? The number's on the speed dial. Just tell them to put it on the Pickles' account.
Grandpa
Oh, all right.
"Angelica, Mommy has to run to a meeting. Give me a kiss!"
[Angelica blows a kiss at Charlotte. Charlotte blows a kiss back at her, then walks away. Didi walks up to Tommy.]
"Bye-bye, Sweetums! Be a good boy."
[Tommy giggles as Didi pats his head. As Didi walks away, Stu waves at Tommy.]
[Stu walks away. Didi walks past Grandpa and waves at him.]
"See you in a while, Pop!" [Didi follows Stu, then stops, and turns to face Grandpa.] Oh, and we're trying to take care of their teeth, so, don't order them any junk food, or... or I'll take your teeth away."
[Tommy stares in shock and gasps when he hears this.]
[Stu is downstairs pouring ginger ale. He spills it when he hears Grandpa scream]
Grandpa
YEOW!
Huh? [Grandpa is coughing loudly as he enters] What's wrong? Are you okay? What's wrong?
Grandpa
It feels like a lobster's been shaking hands with my tonsils.
[The uvula looks mangled from the pliers]
Your throat looks awful. That must be one mean bug you've got in there, Pop.
Rugrats · 173 quotes
