Benson Dunwoody quotes from Regular Show

View quote →

Benson

No. Pam dumped me. I've been eating all these wings, but they're not making me feel any better.

View quote →

Benson

Oh nooooooooo! That's why they're not working! They're just making me think about Pam!

View quote →

Benson

Fries?

View quote →

Benson

Go vacuum the house!

View quote →

Scenes with Benson Dunwoody 160

(Everybody gets up; the park is ruined)

Did you win?

(coughs)

I think you win.

(sighs) It doesn't matter. I wasn't able to hold on to the chair anyways.

Look!

(half of the chair is still left)

MRMordecai and Rigby

Aww, cool!

Benson

No, you don't. You're not getting that chair. But here's what you DO get. You get to flip that cart back over, you're throwing that chair away, and then you're cleaning up this whole MESS!! Pops, you're coming with me. And you two idiots, if this isn't cleaned up when I get back, YOU'RE FIRED!!!

[Benson walks into the house with Pops and Skips]

Rock-paper-scissors for who gets to drive the cart?

View quote →

Benson

What is all this junk?

Don't get mad at me guys, but I kind of sent a bunch of stuff to the moon while you guys were in the house.

(Flashback)

A bunch of baby ducks, send 'em to the moon. Soda machine that doesn't work, send it to the moon.

(End of flashback)

You drillbit! What else did you send?!

(monster growling)

Look there's Skips! There he is!

Oh great, it had to be a monster.

Benson

What is that?!

View quote →

Ha-ha-ha! We did it! Yeah! Hey, that's mine!

Benson

Nope. You sent him to the moon, so the least you can do is give him your keyboard. Right, Skips?

Right. (Smashes the piano.)

MRMordecai and Rigby

Aww!

Benson

And let's have it.

What?

Benson

(Turning red) THE $40 YOU TWO CONNED OUT OF ME WITH THAT STUPID KEYBOARD CRAP! I know you still got it. Now give it back. (Rigby sighs then they give Benson the $20) NOW CLEAN UP THIS MESS OR YOU'RE FIRED! Ugh, can you believe this?

No. (Door Shuts)

View quote →

Dude, how came we're always stuck with the lame jobs? Settin' up the chairs??

LAAAAA~ME!!!

Benson

I can't trust you guys with something actually important. You're always slacking off!

You callin' us slackers?

Did he!? Did you!?

He's callin' us slackers. Look dude, we can totally set up all those chairs without slacking off.

Benson

Good. Do it then.

We will.

Yeah. And then next time you'll get someone ELSE.. to set up the chairs?

[Benson looks at Mordecai, who shrugs]

Benson

Fine.

MRMordecai & Rigby

OOOOHHHHH!!!! Not settin' up the chairs next time! Not settin' up the chairs next time! UUHH!

Benson

...Just set up the chairs...

View quote →

Benson

YOU!

Woah! Hey Benson. Before you freak out, we totally set up those chairs.

[pan left to see cheering kids, Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost seated in a moat of fire]

Muscle Man

WOOO!!! This birthday party's hot!

So we're cool, right?

Benson

YOU IDIOTS!! That's the last time I entrust you with something important, LIKE THE CHAIRS!!!

[beat.]

MRMordecai & Rigby

OOOOHHHHH!!!! Not settin' up the chairs next time! Not settin' up the chairs next time!

Benson

But you ARE going to clean up this mess, and you can start by sweeping up the special entertainment.

Yeah, no problem!

We got it.

Don't worry about us!

...We're gonna take a break first, right?

Yeah.

View quote →

There's that chocolate cake at the snack bar!

Yeah...but Benson will only let you have it for free if it's your birthday.

Who's to say it's not my birthday?

...Who's to say it's not my birthday?

MRMordecai and Rigby

FREE CAKE! FREE CAKE!!

Benson

It's neither of your birthdays.

Aw, man! He's killing us with that.

MRMordecai and Rigby

No cake....no cake....

{appears from inside the bushes} But it is Skips' birthday!

MRMordecai and Rigby

FREE CAKE! FREE CAKE!!

Benson

But he's really private about it.

MRMordecai and Rigby

No cake....no cake....

Benson

Come to think of it, I don't think we've ever had a party for Skips.

View quote →

[Benson comes into the room, looking angry]

Benson

What are you doing with my sandwich?!

What?

Don't worry. I'll take care of this with my specialty. This isn't your sandwich. This is our sandwich.

Benson

This is your sandwich, huh? Then how come it says "Benson" on the BAG?!

Huh? It's supposed to say "Rigby," but they misspelled my name wrong.

Benson

[angrily screams at Mordecai and Rigby] STOP LYING!

Dude, I thought you said you bought this!

Benson

No, he didn't buy it! Now, get off your lazy butts and go get me another GRILLED CHEESE DELUXE!!! [ He slams the door furiously]

[groans] Aaaagh! You ruined our day off!

Ah, don’t worry, dude. The line won’t be that long.

[Cut to Cheezer's, where there is a long line.]

View quote →

[Jones and Barry throw Mordecai and Rigby out of their van]

JJones

(angrily threatens Mordecai and Rigby) If you ever lie about being astronauts again, YOU’RE DEAD!!!

We saved the city, astro!-- (The astronauts throw the Cheezer's bag at Rigby and they drive away in their van.)

Benson

Where have you been? I’ve been waiting all day! (Mordecai gives Benson his burnt Grilled Cheese Deluxe) What the--What happened to my sandwich?!

[rambling] There were spacemen...at Cheezers...and the two...we went down it...everyone wore sweatpants...even us...and then the room with the bad stuff...but...we saved the city with your sandwich.

Benson

[sighs] Why do you always have to lie to my face?

We ran it over by accident.

Benson

See? Was it so hard to tell the truth?

View quote →

You guys know what to do, right?

MRMordecai and Rigby

Yeah.

(to the unicorns) Hey, Rigby, weren't we supposed to race some unicorns and not a bunch of losers?!

UUnicorns

(Shouting all at once) BROS!! BROS!! BROS!!

Horseless carriages...

UUnicorns

(Chanting "Bros")

Commence!

(The unicorns race off into the distance while chanting "Bros")

This is how you get rid of unicorns.

(Skips presses a button that forms a ramp on the ground, shooting the unicorns up into the sky, still chanting "Bros")

But what if they come back?

Benson

They ain't coming back. (presses button)

(The unicorns and their car explode, leaving behind stars and sparkles)

MRMordecai and Rigby

Cooooooool!

Benson

That's the only way to get rid of unicorns.

(Scene cuts to daytime, with a close-up of a hand turning a valve and Water is shown flying from a hose. Benson is hosing down Mordecai and Rigby, who are screaming after getting soaked)

Benson

(furiously) I can't believe you idiots let those unicorns in here! You two morons had better get this mess cleaned up, or you'll wish it was YOU DRIVING THAT CAR!

The unicorn one? (Benson sprays Rigby with the hose and Rigby falls over screaming) COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!!!!

Benson

(to Mordecai) And YOU!

(Mordecai screams, shaking in fear)

Benson

Quit spraying that cologne! It's not gonna get you any ladies! Idiots... [walks away]

Wanna go, bro?

Strong Johns?