You can't be serious, Benson.
You're really gonna give up, now?
I've been telling you guys for the past two hours, you're not gonna change my mind. As soon as I finish this space panini, I'm outta here. [eats panini] There, I'm done.
MordecaiIf you really want to go, I guess we can't stop you, but, you should at least watch this before you leave. We all put this video together. We think it might change your mind before staying.
Don't you remember that really cool editing bay we saw on the tour? There were so many VCR's!
[sighs] I know what this is. It's a tape full of sappy memories that it's supposed to convince me to stay, show me where I belong. Well, it won't work!
[a disheveled Benson inserts his dusty VHS tape in a player, it plays to see Mordecai holding the camera with Earth in the background]
Mordecai
Hey, Benson. Um, we get why you want to go back to Earth, but I'm not sure we were really upfront about why we wanted you to stay. [Benson starts crying]
It just wouldn't be the same without you. [cut footage to Rigby]
I won't be able to keep up with work without you breathing down my neck. [cut to Muscle Man]
And who am I gonna have wing-eating contests with, huh? [Fives pops up behind him]
I've always appreciated your no-nonsense attitude and dedication to your work. It's really inspiring. [Benson wipes his crying face; Eileen holds the camera]
Hey, Benson. I don't know you very well, but I do know you mean a lot to these guys, and I'd like a chance to get to know you better too. You do have the best chance of keeping Rigby from blowing something up.
It's true! I already broke the first camera we tried to record this with. [cut to Pops]
We all really look up to you, but also, you are our friend. And we'll miss you a lot, and...
[Pops starts crying loudly, Benson cries out in his sadness. Rigby places camera with the crew and Eileen]
All right, you get it. We'll miss you, so... don't go, all right?
Mordecai
Yeah, Benson. We can't do this without you.
[The title card appears that says "Space needs you, Benson!" and then the screen squiggles]
[scared] I made a huge mistake. [yells] I SHOULD'VE STAYED IN SPACE!!!
No way. You two have to learn the value of a space credit.
Mordecai
What is the value of a space credit?
Uh, look, I don't know. Just don't waste your money on junk! [walks away angrily]
Mordecai
Maybe these hover boots aren't worth it.
[given up] We had a good run, man.
Mordecai
We're gonna get outta here, okay? [sits down] So just focus on thinking about good things, like hot wings... Strong Johns... Cheezers.
Cheezers... I wish they had a Cheezers on the Space Tree.
Mordecai
Yeah. We got most of the stuff we had back on Earth, so it's still pretty cool.
Yeah, but what are we gonna do when we leave the Space Tree to go on our mission?
Mordecai
[long beat] I don't know. What are we gonna do? Who knows what it's gonna be like out there? It might totally suck.
Yeah, and good luck getting Rawls to tell you anything about it.
Mordecai
And dude, we don't even know when we're going back to Earth! Or if we're going back. [lies down with Rigby]
Mordecai
Y'know, even if we get out of this elevator, we're still trapped inside a big metal box floating through space. Any allusions we once had of being masters of our fate have been forfeited to a man who'd rather preoccupies with pushups than prepare us for whatever horrors await us out here in the cold infinite abyss.
Dude, Mordecai! It's cool, man.
Mordecai
No, Rigby. It's not. Y'know, Fist Pump's a dumb band, but we may have just missed our last chance to see another rock concert. [beat] I miss Earth.
A few months ago, you folks were scrawny, weak, confused, drifting aimlessly in space. Utterly useless. Until the Space Tree graciously took you in. Was it a mistake? Only time will tell. And now those worthless, scrawny cadets stand before me as moderately serviceable Space Tree Rangers. And today, you'll graduate the Spark Initiative and soon be on your way to terraform your first planet. I've already sent the coordinates into your dome's navigational computer, along with your personal fighter ships. Today is graduation day. There will be a ceremony tonight with light refreshments, compliments of the Space Tree. Hope to see you there.
[All the space cadets cheer]
MRMordecai & Rigby
WHOOOOOOA! Graduation!
Wow, one minute I'm graduating high school, and now I'm graduating space? Take that, Dad!
Mordecai
Hm-hm! I don't think "light refreshments" are gonna cut it.
[Back at the Space Tree, Mordecai and Rigby explain to Colonel Rawls about seeing Anti-Pops at the Comet Stop]
Mordecai
And he looked just like Pops! But evil!
Yeah, like an opposite Pops!
Mordecai
Jinx.
[gasps in horror] He Who Will Erase Us. [turns on a microphone] Attention, Space Tree! This is your captain speaking! There's been a change of plans! You're all graduated, effective immediately! Congrats! Your first mission as Rangers starts now! Leave the Space Tree and get to your rendezvous points as soon as possible! Godspeed and good luck!
STSpace Tree Personnel
Sir! An unknown ship just docked with the Space Tree!
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
[leaps in front of the Park gang] Howdy, folks! [Mordecai, Rigby, and Benson scream in surprise] Welcome to UMÄK's intergalactic flagship. Your stores for modern furniture that's not only inexpensive, it's durable, too!
MRMordecai & Rigby
[laughing] Wooden butt.
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
And make sure you check out our cafe and have one of our famous meatball subs! Iiit's meat!
What's the question mark for?
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
Never mind that, here's a map. [gives Eileen a map before she opens it]
There. Beds. Sector 1-15-Z. Is that far?
UBUMÄK Bird Greeter
Yes! Now you better get movin'!
What the heck is this thing?
Mordecai
I don't know.
[Rigby goes inside the teleporter and disappears]
Mordecai
Rigby! Are you okay? Rigby! Oh no! Oh no! Oh Rigby.
Mordecai
Don't do that! Wait, how did you get all the way over here?
I don't know. I was over here and it was this flash and light, then I was over there to that pod.
Mordecai
Dude, do you know what this is?
Mordecai
Dude, I don't think we're supposed to go through together.
What are you talking about?
Mordecai
I don't know. What if we got messed up or something?
Whatever, man, we're fine.
Mordecai
Still, I just don't think it's a good- [screams]
Mordecai
Dude, your butt!
[with Mordecai's tail feathers] Aw, what? I got your butt?
Mordecai
[with Rigby's tail; annoyed] Oh, great. Now I'm the one-cheek wonder. I don't want your messed up butt.
Don't make fun of my butt!
Mordecai
Man, how do you walk with this thing? It's all lopsided.
What is going on in here? Look at this mess! I knew I couldn't trust you guys with inventory.
Mordecai
No, Benson. We're almost done!
No, you are done. And… what is this?
Mordecai
What is what? I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, Benson. It's a free country.
Whatever. Just go outside and rake the leaves.
Mordecai
Aw, come on.
Just give us five minutes!
No, now! (turns red) Move it! [locks the door] Of all the idiotic things I do around here.
Mordecai
[looks at Rigby, now as tall as his brother] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dude, now it's even worse!
I don't know, man. I'm kind of into it. I'm finally as tall as my brother. Eat it, Don, wherever you are!
Rigby! [Rigby wakes up with a startled gasp] We're rocketing through space at warp speed, and you're asleep at the controls?!
It's on autopilot. That means I don't have to push any buttons. And believe me, I tried to push a lot of different buttons.
Eileen, how close are we to the rendezvous point?
We should be coming out of warp right about... [presses a button causing the dome to exit warp drive] now.
Mordecai
It's just empty space.
Maybe Buttons McGee over here sent us to the wrong coordinates.
Wow, Skips, that's a really insightful name for Rigby.
Thanks. I've been reading some books.
Mordecai
Wait. What's that? [twists a knob to zoom in]
FCFemale Computer Voice
Alpha Dome found. Piloted by Mary Stone, John…
It's the first dome sent into space.
Mordecai
Then why were you asking?
I wasn't asking. I was just surprised.
It sounded like you were asking.
[the spaghettified Muscle Man, Rigby, Mordecai and meatball Pops are wrung around a fork held by a suited man]
Good evening. I'm astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.
PMPops/Muscle Man/Rigby/Mordecai
Why can't you save us?! / Help us, bro! / What are you, just save us! / Save us!
NDNeil deGrasse Tyson
Oh, you can't be saved now. You see, when you enter the black hole's event horizon, your destiny was sealed... by science, and then finished up by me, Neil deGrasse Tyson.
PMPops/Muscle Man/Rigby/Mordecai
Nooo!!
NDNeil deGrasse Tyson
Sorry, guys, it's nothing personal. This is just how the universe works. Spaghettification is real. [eats the spaghetti, burps] And delicious! Happy Halloween!
Regular Show · 562 quotes
