Hey, are you doing anything tomorrow? My family is having a barbecue. Wanna come?
Family function?! Pass. I can't stand my own family barbecues, Why would I want to go to someone else's?
Mordecai[elbows Rigby] She's not talking to you!
Um. So, how 'bout it? Hehe.
Mordecai
Sure. Sounds like fun.
Awesome! I'm really excited for you to meet everybody, especially my dad. I think you'll really like him. He pilots the traffic Helicopter for the local news.
Mordecai
Whoa! Your dad is Chopper Six?!
That dude rules! [imitates Chopper Six] This is Chopper Six now flying over a ton of traffic. Bet all of you losers wish you were in this Chopper! WHOO! And then he flies over some burning truck in a fifty car pile up! So cool.
He is really cool, but don't let your guard down. Margaret's dad can be a pretty aggressive guy. It's common in such a male dominant profession. He even refuses to shake hands with any guy Margaret brings home.
Oh, come on! He's not that tough. He's super sweet when you get to know him.
Mordecai
Yeah. I'm sure we'll get along fine.
Well, we gotta get back to work. I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay? [she and Eileen leave]
Mordecai
Great. See ya. I have to shake that guy's hand.
Mordecai
Dude, it's a huge deal! I'm finally out of the friend zone, and now she's taking me to meet her parents.
So what? You wanna date Margaret, not her dad.
Mordecai
You don't get it, dude. If Margaret and I are gonna date, I need her dad to like me. [determined] I have to get that handshake.
I tried to turn it off, but every time I did, the baby would start crying again. They played all 8 seasons; 257 episodes back to back. When Starla and her sister found me the next day, I was crying in a ball on the floor.
Mordecai
It sounds like that show messed you up pretty bad.
That must be what's causing your nightmares.
Mordecai
What's going on?! Why are we locked up?!
(Kessler then throws a bag of Amadeus Dollars to Mordecai)
You tell me. You and your buddies' prints are all over these counterfeit Amadeus Dollars.
Mordecai
Counterfeit?!
Don't be cute with me. We've been on the case for months. Your funny money scam is GOING DOWN! (bangs her fists on table) DOWN TO PRISON TOWN, YOU HEAR ME?! PRISON!!!
Mordecai
The last few weeks I have spent with you have been the best weeks of my life. I feel like we are growing closer every day, and nobody makes me happier than you do. Margaret, (holds both of Margaret's hands with love. Margaret has a sad expression on her face) will you be my girlfriend?
Mordecai, there's something I need to tell you. For the first time ever, I feel like I can be in a relationship that can actually go somewhere...but there's this. (shows him a torn open envelope with a letter inside it, that shows it's from Milten University; Mordecai has a shocked expression on his face; then starts tearing up) I got into my dream school. I really like you Mordecai, and what we have is special, but I may never get this opportunity again. (starts crying) I'm sorry, but... I can't be your girlfriend. (gets up and runs away)
Mordecai
Dude, Margaret's important to me. I can't just forget her.
Okay, okay. You don't have to forget her, but you have to get over her for real. Staying like this is messed up, and is messing you up. I want my friend back.
Mordecai
Well, if you were a real friend, you'd understand.
I am your friend. You would realize that, if you weren't such a sad sack chump!
Mordecai
[enraged] That's it!
(Enraged that Rigby called him a sad sack chump, Mordecai angrily stops the car and violently shoves Rigby out of the car and furiously drives away)
Ah, man! (Rigby sighs and starts running after him)
[Jack asks V.I.C.K.I. to shut down the arm cannon, then he shoots Mordecai and Rigby, then Benson pushes Mordecai and Rigby to save their lives, and V.I.C.K.I. destroys his car]
JJack
Whoo! Bummer about your car, man! At least that explosion was pretty awesome. Totally satisfied my violent urges, you know what I'm saying? Hey, can I get the other 250 bucks?
JJack
Brain check. Got it, Brah. [Police get Jack, then he acrobat backwards into the bushes]
Mordecai
Thanks for saving us, Benson!
Damage to the house, damage to my car — my bus fare for the NEXT MONTH!!! YOU'RE PAYING FOR ALL OF IT!!!!
[Mordecai and Rigby groan, as Benson leaves in fury]
He didn't say to clean up this mess, but--
Mordecai
[sighs] Yeah, let's get started.
Oh Mordecai, check this out.
[they both lift up the sparkling unscathed windshield, with Muscle Man and Fives passing by]
Told you my guy was good.
Mordecai
Oh, hey, Benson. Hey, Skips.
You want to explain why my phone is LEAKING?!?!
Mordecai
Oh — sorry, Benson!
Yeah, we ment to give it back, but then a bunch of... different stuff... happened.
Different stuff?! You mean like the garbage that's all over this room?!
MRMordecai & Rigby
Uhh...
This place is a BIOHAZARD!! I want both of you to clean it up NOW!!!
Mordecai
Both of us?! Rigby's the one who's the slob! Look it his chimichanga! [slush]
Well, Mordecai even worse! Look at his junk at the corner! [no junk near Mordecai's bed]
Mordecai
Dude, that's my bed!
[Now red] I don't care who's responsible! But you're gonna have to clean this room if you wanna keep living here, for FREE!!!
Mordecai
"Rigby's to-do list"? "Stay cool. Don't ever change. Have a great summer"? [Rigby snatches the paper back]
Rigby: Okay, fine. [crumbles the paper again] Garbage Hoops then. Who ever misses the trash can first has to clean the room.
Mordecai
I'm not doing this.
Come on, Mordecai what's the big deal? It's just a little game. You're afraid of a little game?
Mordecai
This is your mess, Rigby. Just clean it up!
But it's our room. What's yours is mine, what's mine is-- [Mordecai grunts and snatches the paper back, flips the trash can over and slides it over to the other side of the room. He then throws the paper in a good aim to the trash can.]
Mordecai
Hm, hm! Your turn.
Okay, sure. [Rigby gets another crumbled paper and then warms up for the throw by also grunting.]
Mordecai
RIGBY!
Alright, alright! [He then closes his eyes, pants a little then throws the paper as good as he could, but then he ends up making him miss to get a hit at the center of his bedroom.]
[By not liking the idea of him almost leaving, Mordecai tackles Rigby]
Mordecai
DUDE! Garbage hoops was your idea. You lost, and now you have to clean the room. I'm leaving. [Rigby starts to glare while Mordecai leaves slamming the door shut, startling Rigby.]
[Enraged screaming] MORDECAI AND RIGBY!!!
Now before you say anything, we DID do what you said.
Mordecai
Yeah, we cleaned up Rigby's— I mean... OUR mess. So you can't fire us.
SO WHO CAN I FIRE FOR ALL THE DAMAGE YOU TWO DID TO THE PARK?!?!
[Short pause, then after a few seconds, Mordecai and Rigby point at each other, trying to blame each other for the damage.]
Mordecai
Maybe if you just reminded us one more... (Benson throws his hat in Mordecai's face.) Uh!
I shouldn't have to remind you at all! You two never listen to me and I'm sick of it!
Mad? I got mad the last time you ignored me. This time I'm...I'm...deeply offended! And now, I have six pounds of cheese and not one tortilla! What kind of quesadilla can you make with that, huh?! WHAT KIND?!
You can't make a quesadilla without tortillas; that's just cheese.
Thank you, Skips. So now, because of Mordecai and Rigby, here we all are, tired, hungry, nothing to eat. And if you two don't get those tortillas right now, YOU'RE FIRED!
Regular Show · 562 quotes
