Mordecai quotes from Regular Show

Mordecai

We probably shouldn't invite them to the movies anymore.

Margaret

Good idea.

Benson

Well well well well. Looks like it's time for a little payback. Let's see how they like it when somebody steal their OWN sandwich. [grabs the Death Sandwich and took a bite of Death Sandwich.]

Mordecai

Whoa. Benson, are you okay?

Rigby

It really is a Death Sandwich!

Benson

[choking] Death Sandwich?! Why would you buy something that kills people?!

Rigby

Why would you eat somebody's sandwich?!

Mordecai

Come on guys, this is serious. We gotta get Benson a cure for the Death Sandwich before it's too late.

Benson

You guys have all your assignments for today. Oh, and don't forget that tonight is Game Night.

Mordecai

Aw, yeah! Game Night!.

Rigby

What are we playing?

Benson

Yeah, Skips. What are we playing?

Skips

Tonight, we will be playing Drawsome.

Muscle Man

Alright. I love me some Drawsome. Who else is showing up to this Drawsome event?

Skips

I got a giant baby, Gary, and my cousin Quips.

Ugh!

Skips

What?

Mordecai

Your cousin Quips is annoying.

Rigby

Yeah, man. He's always telling lame jokes.

Skips

What are you guys talking about?

Mordecai

Come on. Every other word out of that guy's mouth is some annoying joke.

Rigby

Yeah. Some joke that isn't funny.

Skips

Come on, guys! His jokes aren't that bad.

And then he said, "Yes, I do!" (laughs) Alright, seriously, last one, 'cause I got to go. What? Hey, wait! I didn't even get to finish my punchline! Aw, well. He's probably already heard my routine. Heeey, who's ready for some funny?

Ugh!

Skips

You guys all remember my cousin Quips.

Hey, Quips.

Hey, Benson. Nice to see ya. Speaking of "see ya", what did one ocean say to the other ocean? "Sea ya later!" (laughs)

Benson

I don't get it.

Oh, well, an ocean is a body of water and the sea is also—

Benson

I don't care.

A little more care will give you a little more hair. Zingo!

Benson

Ugh!

Pops

Hello, Quips.

Pops, looking good. In fact, you look amazing. Just a compliment. Don't get a big head. Oops! Too late! Zammo! And, of course, Muscle Man, you love the jokes. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bay-gulls! (laughs) I got a whole bait about bodies of water. What? You say you want another one?

Muscle Man

We didn't say anything.

What did the lake say to the puddle?

Skips

Come on, Quips. Let's get you unpacked. You probably want to lie down after your trip.

Guess it's time to take this comedy show on the road. And by comedy show, I mean me! Zingo!

Mordecai

Dude, he's even worse than last time.

Rigby

Yeah, Skips. Tell your cousin that if he can't stop telling jokes, then he's gotta get out of here.

Skips

I can't just do that. I invited him here. No one told you to get rid of your brother Don when he visited.

Rigby

That's because everyone loved him! I tried to get rid of him!

Skips

Ugh! Alright, fine. I'll tell him soon.

Wow, guys. Those coughs sound pretty serious. You guys should see a doctor. Oh, that reminds me. Why did the clown go to the doctor? He was feeling a little funny!

Benson

Who is that?

Mordecai

He's our new friend. Dancing caveman.

Benson

Caveman? No, no. No way. I'm not having a caveman at the park. We aren't insured for it.

Mordecai

What?! That's not fair!

Rigby

Yeah, we can't just get rid of him!

Benson

A caveman cannot fit into this modern world.

Benson

See?!

Mordecai

But he's one of us now!

Benson

Really? What's his name?

Uh…

Benson

Get rid of him!

Rigby

But he'll die out there alone! Come on, Benson.

Please?

Ben… son?

Benson

…Fine. You have a week to get him civilized.

Nice!

Mordecai

Thanks, Benson.

Benson

But if he isn't up to park standards in a week, I'm calling the pound!! [leaves]

Mordecai

We're gonna need some help.

Benson!

Benson

I saw everything. I had Greg all wrong! He gave it all up for true love. In a way, he was more civilized than all of us! Mordecai, Rigby, clean up this mess. Do it. (about to cry) Do it or you're fired!

Hoagie Sandwich! Hoagie Sandwich!

Mordecai

Squeeze out the Mustard, do it real quick!

Rigby

A dab of Mayo, too much'd be sick!

Pops

Healthy veggies'll make this valid!

Rigby

And don't forget the main ingredients so we don't confuse it with a salad!

Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat!

Pops

Those ruffians!! (Gets up and runs to the geese) Now see here, geese!! Your behavior is most uncouth! Now, I'm afraid- (Geese start pushing him around) Ahhhh! (runs away, sobbing)

Rigby

Hey, quit it! (The geese stare at the sandwich and Rigby realizes it.) PROTECT THE SANDWICH!

Rigby

(Sobbing) WHYYY?

Mordecai

Benson, something's gotta be done about those geese! Pops is locked in his room crying!

Benson

Yeah, we've been getting complaints. They're highly territorial war-like birds. Luckily, I got a couple guys who'll be takin' care of the problem.

Dude, awesome!

Rigby

Who is it?

Benson

Couple of guys named Mordecai and Rigby.

What?!!

Mordecai

Maybe you don't understand, Benson, these geese — they're terrifying.

Rigby

Terrifying!

Benson

I don't wanna hear it. DO IT OR YOU'RE FIRED!!

Rigby

Man, you always say that. You're all talk, Benson.

Benson

HGNNN RAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

WAHHH!!!

Mordecai

Hey, Benson. How's it going?

Rigby

What's up, man?

Benson

What did I tell you about using the park phone?!

Mordecai

Ugh! I feel something kind of damp.

Rigby

Yeah, I feel it, too. What do you think it is?

Mordecai

I don't know. Feels kind of like a wet blanket.

Benson

Very funny. Now hang it up and put the TV back in the living room!

Mordecai

Aw, come on, Benson!

Rigby

We really think we can do this.

Benson

I don't care. If I catch you trying this again, YOU'RE FIRED!

Benson

All right, Mr. Maellard gets back from vacation today, so I need you guys to clean the limousine.

Rigby

Why don't we just wait till it rains? That's how I clean myself.

Benson

[beat] I want it looking as good as new when he comes back this afternoon. That means washed, waxed and detailed, got it?

Rigby

Yeah, yeah, we got it.

Mordecai

So where are the keys?

Benson

Oh, you mean these keys?

Mordecai

Yeah.

Benson

Oh, no. I'll be holding on to these.

Rigby

Aw, what? How're we gonna listen to the radio then?

Benson

Your job isn't listening to the radio, it's to clean the car. Do it before Mr. Maellard gets Back or you're fired! (leaves)

Rigby

Great, no radio. This is gonna be so BOORRIIIIING!!!

Mordecai

Uh... (Margaret turns) Nothing. Sorry. See you.

Margaret

(sighs)

Margaret

See you soon.

Mordecai

Uh...bye. :(leaves, starts dancing, then sees Benson's car being towed)

Margaret

Wait, are you sure you want to give me a ride and not because you bet someone you could or-

Mordecai

What? (scoffs) Come on, when have I- (points at Rigby, when he's trying to speak) Be quiet!

Hello, this is K.I.L.I.T Radio.

Muscle Man

Yeah, I'd like DJ Donny G to play my...

To talk to a K.I.L.I.T representative, press 0. (Muscle Man presses 0) Are you calling in regard to a song you heard?

Muscle Man

No, I wanna talk to somebody! (presses 0 several times) ZERO! ZERO! ZERO!

I'm transferring you to our bilingual system.

Muscle Man

NO! (Presses 0 Again) ZERO! ZERO! ZERO!

Hola. llamas la Radio K.I.L.I.T.

Muscle Man

(moves table & chair and groans) I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!!!! (hits phone madly on the table, screaming in anger, Then Mordecai & Rigby come to Muscle Man)

Mordecai

Dude, Muscle Man, calm down!

Muscle Man

UUUUGHH!!! I'm a failiure of a boyfriend! I can't even do something special for my girl!

Mordecai

Why don't we just go down to the radio station and find somebody to talk to?

Rigby

Yeah, maybe someone there can help you.

Muscle Man

You're right, bros. I need to take this to the source.

Hmm. So, he drank a slushy, you said.

Mordecai

Yeah.

Did you make him drink it?

Rigby

Uh, maybe? [Dr. Henry glares sternly at him] Yeah, we did.

May I see the cup?

Cool Cubed, Big Swig size, huh? This is quite a pickle. Well, I got some good news and bad news. (What do you wanna hear first?) (Rigby: Maybe the good news.) The good news is the core of Thomas's brain isn't completely frozen yet which means there's still a chance to thaw it out.

Mordecai

OK. What's the bad news?

The bad news is the Cool Cubed slushy is still very active. It's working its way into the brain core as we speak. If it gets there (and freezes it), Thomas's brain will stay frozen FOREVER!!!!

Mordecai

What do we do?!

It's simple. I just shrink into little tiny people, then you go inside Thomas and stop the Cool Cubed slushy before it reaches the core. It's a dangerous procedure, but it's the only way to save him. Any volunteers?

Rigby

Well, you and Pops have fun. [Mordecai annoyingly punches him]

Mordecai

No, dude, we got Thomas into this mess, so we're gonna go into Thomas and get that mess outta him! I think.

Muscle Man

Everybody here?

Rigby

Everybody except Fives.

Mordecai

Yeah, we should wait.

Muscle Man

No time. Now you dudes should know this is gonna be dangerous. Ya wanna bail, I'll understand. [Thomas raises his hand] Yeah, Thomas?

Are we getting overtime for this?

Benson

NO!

Mordecai

Dude, it's not about overtime.

Margaret

Mordecai, where are we? (Mordecai walks up to her.)

Mordecai

Right where I wanna be.

Mordecai, Margaret, I now pronounce you out of the friend zone!