Mordecai quotes from Regular Show

Mordecai

Way to rope us into your mess.

Skips

I don't know you.

Muscle Man

If my future at Wing Kingdom is at stake because of you, [jabs his finger into Rigby's chest; threateningly] that $36,000 will be the least of your problems.

Benson

What happened?

Mordecai

The golden wishbone. We wished to come back home safe and sound, and it worked!

Rigby

Well, almost. It didn't grant the part where our families would be here. [he and Mordecai both hang their heads down, sadly]

[running out of the house] Guys, guys! Remember when I said everyone wasn't coming? I was wrong! [Mordecai and Rigby's parents emerge from the house] I checked the departing flights instead of the arrivals.

[annoyed] Thomas!

Hey, Mordo!

Hi, son.

Is that grown man over there my Rigby?

Come here, Rigby.

Rigby

Mom! Pop!

Mordecai

It's so good to see you, guys. Except--

Rigby

There's no food because we destroyed it all.

[chuckles] Well, that's what families are for. [opens the door, revealing a new Thanksgiving feast that's been prepared by all the families]

[surprised] Woah!

[holding out a turkey] Who's ready for some turkey?

Benson

[tapping a glass of water with a spoon trying to get everyone's attention] Ahem!

Oh? [shouting out to everyone] HEY, EVERYBODY! PIPE DOWN! [to his son; kindly] Go ahead, son.

Benson

I just wanna thank everyone for coming. Thanksgiving can be a hectic time for many. But to see everyone here makes it all worth it in the end. Mordecai and Rigby, would you please stand up? [Mordecai and Rigby do so] I know you guys aren't perfect, pretty much all the time. But I want you to know that I'm proud of you. You saved Thanksgiving! And for that, I raise my glass. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mordecai

[plugs microphone] ♪Yeah. Set up the chairs and wipe off the tables Plug in the mic, but don't trip on the cables Blow up the balloons and blow out the candles at stunt-themed parties you don't wanna wear sandals! Check your invitation, Park's the location When the clock strikes ten it's time for celebration Timmy's birthday party, yo! It's the big one, oh! Timmy, Timmy Ti-Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Ti-Timmy Timmy, Timmy, Ti-Ti-Ti Timmy! Woooooooaaaaaaah!♪

Rigby

Man, Timmy's so awesome.

Hi Five Ghost

I can't believe he's already turning ten.

Muscle Man

Seriously. We watched that kid grow up, bro.

Happy birthday, Timmy!

[licks his cake, then he smothers his face in it]

[stands on the plank] Guys, guys! Check it out! I'm gonna walk the plank like a real pirate! [jumps off the plank into the ball pit] Arrgh!

[laugh]

Benson

And the winner of the astronaut ice cream-eating contest is....Timmy!

[cheering]

You guys always make my birthdays the best!

Rigby

[puts on the party hat] Man, Timmy's parties just keep getting better every year.

Mordecai

[carries the presents] Yeah. We gotta make sure this stuntman party is the best one yet.

Benson

[on mobile phone] What do you mean a real stuntman job? But it's a stuntman-themed party! What are we supposed to tell our client?! [ticked off] Well, you can say goodbye to your complimentary fountain sodas, and YOU'LL NEVER STUNT IN THIS PARK AGAIN, MR. HAZARD! [furiously hangs up and angrily throws his phone]

Mordecai

Is everything okay, Benson?

Benson

[angrily turns to Mordecai and screams at him] No, everything is not okay! The stuntman cancelled, and Timmy's party is ruined!

Mordecai

Are you serious?!

Rigby

But Timmy's counting on us!

Benson

I know. But where am I supposed to find a stuntman this late in the game?

Muscle Man

Well, I might know a guy who...actually no. I don't know any stuntmen. Aah! You're losing it, Mitch!

Benson

[angrily grabs Muscle Man by the shirt] That's it! We have to cancel Timmy's party!

Rigby

[stops Benson from throttling Muscle Man] No, wait!

Mordecai

Yeah. Maybe one of us can do the stunt.

Benson

[grabs Mordecai and Rigby's shirts] No, it has to be a licensed stuntman. Our insurance doesn't cover amateurs.

Rigby

Well, how hard is it to get a license?

Benson

[crosses his arms] Hard. The success rate at Stuntman College is only 25%, and you guys aren't exactly stuntman material.

Mordecai

But if it's 25%, then one of us should be able to do it, right?

Benson

[turns red] You think you'll beat the odds like that in one day?

Muscle Man

If that's what it'll take to make Timmy happy, then we'll do it!

Mordecai

We're done with all the party prep. I'll enroll us right now.

Benson

Okay, but one of you better come back with a stuntman license, or else Timmy's birthday or probably his life are gonna be ruined.

Benson

Mordecai, Rigby, another issue of Fart Weekly magazine came today, which I distinctly remembered telling you not to get sent here! They're flooding the mailbox!

Rigby

Relax, man! It's natural.

Mordecai

Rigby's right. It's not healthy to hold it in.

Benson

Ugh! Just cancel it already!

Muscle Man

Yo, is my tax return in there?

Benson

No. But Fives, this came for you. Now all of you stop eating donuts and get back to work!

Okay, when you're in the air, you wanna stay focus. There's only a limited time frame. (Rigby takes out a burrito) Woah, son, what are you doing?

Rigby

Eating a burrito!

No! No snacks on my fan! (He and Rigby are struggling for the burrito)

Mordecai

Rigby!

Get OUT of my school! AND STAY OUT OF MY SKY!!!! (slams the glass door, causing it to crack slightly)

Benson

Alright listen up, we've gotten some complaints about the huge sinkhole in the park.

Mordecai

Sinkhole? You mean the Crash Pit?

Muscle Man

You're talking smack about the Crash Pit, bro?

Benson

Yes. It's a potential liability and we're not properly insured for it. It has to be filled immediately

Aw, what?

Rigby

Aw, no way!

Muscle Man

Come on Benson, you can't fill up the Crash Pit.

Rigby

Can't we just put up more warning signs or something?

Benson

No! A thing called a "Crash Pit" shouldn't be even at the park in the first place.

Rigby

What if we call it a "small hole"?

Benson

JUST FILL IT UP BY THE END OF THE DAY OR YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!

Mordecai

Aw, man. Dead end.

Rigby

Well, we tried. Let's go back.

Mordecai

No, Rigby. We can't leave without the camera.

Rigby

Dude, forget this. The camera's gone and we're running out of time. Benson's probably gonna fill up the hole before we even get back! Then we'll be trapped!

Muscle Man

Easy, bro! The dark is messing with your head. Now just calm down.

Rigby

Don't touch me! I can't breathe! Dark spaces! Need air!

DAAWIHHHHAHAIAHAHAAAAAHH!!!!!

Muscle Man

(laughing) That sound never gets old.

Rigby

That wasn't me.

DAAWIHHHHAHAIAHAHAAAAAHH!!!!!

Mordecai

Wait. It IS you, but... on the camera.

Benson

Well, look who decided to show up. An hour late.

Rigby

They don't know. I guess you guys haven't heard of a little something called Daylight Savings.

Mordecai

Haha, yeah. Technically, you guys showed up an hour early.

Benson

(Benson mocks Rigby's laughter) Technically, Daylight Savings isn't until tonight.

Rigby

Really? Huh.

Mordecai

Oops.

Rigby

Whatever, dude; it's just an hour.

Benson

Oh, is it? Well, I guess you won't care that it's an hour you aren't getting paid for.

Aw, what?

Mordecai

C'mon Benson, what's the big deal?

Benson

Being on time is the big deal. This is a business we're trying to run. If everyone showed up late like you two, this whole park would fall apart.

Mordecai

It was an honest mistake, Benson. It's not like you've never been late to work.

Benson

Actually, I haven't. Because, unlike you two, I take my job seriously. And since you're having so much trouble keeping track of time, you can be in charge of setting the clocks back for the real Daylight Savings Time.

Mordecai

Ugh, fine. Come on Rigby, let's get this over with.

Benson

Hold it, not yet. You're gonna do it when the rest of the world does it: at two in the morning.

Mordecai

What? That doesn't even make any sense. What does it matter if everyone's on the same time?

Rigby

Yeah, what difference does it make?

Benson

Are you seriously making me defend the right time? You either set the park clocks back at two in the morning like everyone else, or you're fired!

Benson

(temper rising) I came to check up on you guys. I'm the only one taking this seriously and you BACKSTAB ME LIKE THIS?!!?!!

Mordecai

Uhh...

Benson

WELL, I QUIT!!!!!! (he furiously throws the drumsticks on the ground)

Mordecai

Good riddance!! And don't come back!

Eileen

Hey, guys. Refills? Refills?

Mordecai

Eileen, that's the third time you topped us off.

Rigby

Yeah, what gives?

Eileen

Well, there's kind of this favor I wanted to ask you guys. Look, I gotta make a music video for my introductory filmmaking class, which I only took because I'm required to graduate. But I don't know the first thing about this kind of stuff. You guys are so creative. Can you help me?

Rigby

Can we be in it?

Eileen

Sure!

Rigby

Aw, yeah, we can help!

Rigby

Ugh! Who made this garbage?

Mordecai

Dude, we did!

Rigby

Oh, yeah. I knew we should've used more zebra.

Eileen

This is terrible! I can't turn this in!

C.J.

I thought you guys knew everything about music videos.

Rigby

Yeah! Watching them, not making them!

Mordecai

Eileen, I hate to say this, but you probably gonna fail.

Eileen

I-I've never failed a class in my life!

Rigby

Eh, it gets easier after the first few times.

Mordecai

Sorry, Eileen.

Rigby

Yeah, sorry we messed this up for you.

C.J.

Well, there's still an hour left. We can re-edit it?

Eileen

Re-editing this isn't gonna make it work. Ugh! Think, Eileen. Think! [Flashback to what Mr. Murphy told her, back to present] There's only one way I can make this work-- Eileen's way!

Mordecai

When am I supposed to get my chip on?!

Mordecai

Pops, what's wrong?

Pops

I'm just having a bad day with nature, I suppose.

Rigby

Dude, that was like really close this time!

Mordecai

Yeah, I think I'm getting the hang of the tension in -- oh hey, Benson.

Benson

[grows completely enraged] AAAHHHHHH!!! Did you put pizza all over this house? Don't deny it. [aggressively grabs Mordecai by the Jacket and shirt] I saw you! I saw you put pizza all over this house! [grabs Rigby by the shirt] And you, you're just as guilty! Don't think I didn't see you do the whole thing! Guess what, you -- WHAT?! [angrily lets go of Mordecai and Rigby's shirts] You're cleaning it too, don't worry! GHAHH! [angrily punches pouch] YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!

Benson

[furiously screaming in the garage] This is a pressure washer! You know how to use it? You better, otherwise I'm gonna fire you.

Benson

You’re cleaning every last inch of this house or you’re fired./ DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR? [storms off furiously]

Mordecai

[sigh] Alright, let's get this over with.

Benson

That's not good enough! You have to repaint the whole thing or the paint won't match!

Mordecai

What?

Rigby

What? But the whole thing's like the of a house!

Benson

Yeah, that's the idea. You have till the end of the weekend.

Mordecai

Typical Benson.

Mordecai

Oh man... your car!

Benson

Car?! What car?! I don't SEE any car! Maybe it's invisible! KINDA LIKE THE CHECKS I'LL BE PAYING YOU WITH FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS!!! [walks to invisibly camouflaged house] AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOUSE?!

Mordecai

Yeah, about that...