Sandi Toksvig quotes from QI

Sandi Toksvig

They have the driest poo and most concentrated urine of any ungulant.

Holly Walsh

Well, clearly they've never spent a night in Wetherspoons.

Sandi Toksvig

What is a zookeepers worst nightmare?

Nish Kumar

Planet of the Apes.

Holly Walsh

Was it out of the blue redundancies?

Holly Walsh

Little baby girls can have periods in their first months cause they take in your estrogen.

Sandi Toksvig

I did not know that.

Holly Walsh

Is that the first time you ever had that experience?

Sandi Toksvig

What?

Holly Walsh

Not knowing something.

Sandi Toksvig

Right. We start with “How many oceans are there on Earth?”

[Points to screen showing six images of the sea] Six, I can count them.

First time on this show...

Sandi Toksvig

Right into that trap.

David Mitchell

Why isn't there actually a fish that lives in trees or on the land, cause, there's, you know, there are penguins which live in the sea and mammals that live in the sea. Why hasn't a fish had the gumption to start living like a rabbit?

Sandi Toksvig

I think it's lack of ambition.

David Mitchell

Bats! Bats are mammals, they can fly...it just doesn't make sense. The fish aren't trying.

Sandi Toksvig

No. I think what you need to do is to start diving and give those fish a good talking to.

David Mitchell

I wouldn't need to dive if there were fish running on [drowned out by laughter]

Sandi Toksvig

The mangrove killifish lives on land.

David Mitchell

Well done!

Sandi Toksvig

I once had waitress in Los Angeles as I…

Alan Davies

[suggestively] Did you, now?

Sandi Toksvig

And Alan's buzzer goes...

Nish Kumar

Even on a show as high-brow as this, that is still funny.

Sandi Toksvig

How do you measure the unpleasantness of a smell?

Nish Kumar

I mean I don't know, but I once did a fart that was so bad my da- I didn't own up to it – and my dad went and got the yellow pages out and he was looking for the number of a plumber because he thought a sewage pipe had leaked.

Sandi Toksvig

Whose social media is little more than an odious pile of crap?

Nish Kumar

Is that a trick question? Cause isn't everyone's…

Sandi Toksvig

We have some actual truffles here [hands out plates with bits of truffles]

Ross Noble

[surreptitiously empties his plate into his shirt pocket]

Nish Kumar

I cannot wait to see the Swedish version of Sherlock where he goes: “ [sniff, sniff] It's smellementary, my dear Watson.” [To the applauding audience] Hey, come on! Yes!

Sandi Toksvig

Has he got any sticker? No, then I'd ask for them back.

Alan Davies

A safe? A suitcase? Your heart?

Alan Davies

And also you can measure the girth of your penis. [Hands gadget to Romesh ] You can measure the length of yours with that.

Sandi Toksvig

HOW DID WE GET THERE SO QUICKLY!?

Sandi Toksvig

Well, what is the full name of the one where the murder took place, then?

Matt Lucas

We were thinking of the one where it took place! We don't have to say the name of this train. We just, all of us, demand the points!

Do you have a smart vagina?

Sandi Toksvig

Erm, it's terribly tidy. [beat] I have a woman in, twice a week. [High-fives Lisa Tarbuck]

Sara Pascoe

Seriously, there are all these people doing downward dogs...

Sandi Toksvig

I'm going to stop you right there.