Nish Kumar quotes from QI

Nish Kumar

I think I lived in London too long. Because I'm looking at that, thinking: Looks alright. 600 a month, yes, please.

Holly Walsh

It's like with people on YouTube squeezing spots. I mean, what is wrong with people?

Nish Kumar

What is wrong with your YouTube searches?

Phill Jupitus

[…] I went to McLean in Texas where they have the barbed wire museum.

Nish Kumar

How do you get in?!

Sandi Toksvig

What is the best job for a beetle?

Cariad Lloyd

Drummer, cause you'd still be alive.

Sandi Toksvig

I am giving you an extra point, even though it's horribly wrong.

Holly Walsh

Is it careers advisor?

Sandi Toksvig

Did you have one of those?

Holly Walsh

Yeah, they told me to be a horticulturist.

Cariad Lloyd

You had a nice careers advisor. Mine was like “ Sainsbury's that way, good luck”.

Nish Kumar

Mine told me “Prison”.

Sandi Toksvig

Working or serving?

Sandi Toksvig

What is a zookeepers worst nightmare?

Nish Kumar

Planet of the Apes.

Holly Walsh

Was it out of the blue redundancies?

Sandi Toksvig

And Alan's buzzer goes...

Nish Kumar

Even on a show as high-brow as this, that is still funny.

Sandi Toksvig

How do you measure the unpleasantness of a smell?

Nish Kumar

I mean I don't know, but I once did a fart that was so bad my da- I didn't own up to it – and my dad went and got the yellow pages out and he was looking for the number of a plumber because he thought a sewage pipe had leaked.

Sandi Toksvig

Whose social media is little more than an odious pile of crap?

Nish Kumar

Is that a trick question? Cause isn't everyone's…

Nish Kumar

I cannot wait to see the Swedish version of Sherlock where he goes: “ [sniff, sniff] It's smellementary, my dear Watson.” [To the applauding audience] Hey, come on! Yes!

Sandi Toksvig

Has he got any sticker? No, then I'd ask for them back.