Juliet O'Hara quotes from Psych

Shawn

Can I just say what I came here to say? I have a motorcycle.

Juliet

Yes, you do.

Shawn

And you know what? It is the purest form of freedom that I have ever experienced. You zip through traffic, park anywhere, you certainly don't have to help anyone move. Easily the best purchase I have ever made and I have never regretted it, not for one minute.

Juliet

I get it, you love your motorcycle. Is there a point to this?

Shawn

Yes there's point. Point is, since I've met you (pause) I've been thinking about getting a car.

Juliet

You're not thinking something practical, or sensible....

Shawn

No, I'm not throwing in the towel altogether. (Shawn and Juliet in sweeping romantic kiss)

Juliet

You know what? Maybe now's not the time; I have a flight in an hour.

Shawn

Wait a minute, I have a room! A really nice one. Paid for by a convicted criminal.

Juliet

Why do you tell me these things?

Shawn

Full disclosure!

Juliet

[teaching the PIT maneuver] Mr. Spencer, a word.

Gus

I think you might be in trouble with the teacher.

Shawn

I sure hope so.

Juliet

Where's the bear, Shawn?

Shawn

What could possibly make you think I know where the bear is?

Juliet

One, because someone called in a tip about a tiny blue car pulling a huge trailer down Mariposa. Two, because I'm dating you and I know when you're lying. And three, there were like three hundred packets of tartar sauce on the front step.

Shawn

I appreciate your concern. I'm going to start watching my cholesterol.

Juliet

Shawn, just so you know, if you go to prison I will not wait for you!

Shawn

Of course you won't. I'll escape; we both know that.

Juliet

Where's the bear, Shawn?

Shawn

What would possibly make you believe I have any idea where this bear is?

Juliet

Well, um, first off, someone called in a tip about a tiny blue car driving an enormous trailer down Mariposa. Secondly, I am dating you and I know when you're lying. And third, there are like three hundred packets of tartar sauce on the doorstep.

Shawn

I appreciate your concern. I'm gonna start watching my cholesterol.

Shawn

Meat Is Murder by The Smiths; 1984, Van Halen; both missing.

Juliet

Are you sure?

Shawn

Of course I'm sure; they're clearly in order.

Juliet

Tears for Fears, Depeche Mode, Thompson Twins. What order were you using?

Shawn

Sweetness.

Juliet

Men Without Hats is sweeter than Echo & the Bunnymen?

More importantly, where are Devo and Talking Heads in all of this?

Shawn

I'm trying to tell you that I would protect you.

Juliet

And I would protect you right back.

Shawn

I can't help being a gorgeous fiend. It's just the card I drew.

Juliet

What. In the hell. Are you wearing?

Juliet

I used to be a detective now I'm a babysitter.

Shawn

Which makes you Elisabeth Shue and Gus is Keith Coogan

Gus

You're Coogan.

Shawn

You're Coogan.

Gus

Your mom is Coogan.

Shawn

Look around. You're the fish out of the water here.

Juliet

Because they're all pretending to be dead, Shawn.

Shawn

Or perhaps it is us, who pretend to be alive.

Lassiter

I have slowly, methodically, been building up a tolerance to chloroform over the last fifteen years.

Shawn

Dear God, why?

Lassiter

For a night like this, Spencer.

Gus

I don't believe it. It must have been some other kind of chemical.

Juliet

Oh, great. Now we have to carry two guys out of here!

Juliet

You have to admit, he's done a better job than we have of slowing down the Caminos, and he's just one guy!

Shawn

I'm just one guy! And I've solved more crimes than I can count. Because I have solved a lot of crimes, not just because I can't count very high.

Juliet

Yes, but you have a supernatural psychic gift. The Mantis is solving crimes using his natural instincts and sharply honed abilities.

Gus

She's right Shawn. I mean, if you were a regular guy solving these crimes, that'd really be impressive. But everyone knows that you're psychic. I mean, it's really an unfair advantage.

Shawn

Besides, the Doc said I could take these [mittens] off an hour ago.

Juliet

Then why are you still wearing them?

Shawn

The inner lining is so soft. I think it's Alpaca. Maybe baby muskrat. You gotta check this out.

Gus

I don't want to, Shawn.

Shawn

You're gonna be sorry.

Gus

Fine. Wow, they are supple. Try it, Lassie.

Lassiter

Enough with the stupid mittens! They are quite soft...

Shawn

Guys, I am getting some very strong psychic vibrations that we need to at least consider the possibility that Bernie is legitimately insane.

Lassiter

What?

Shawn

[shakes his head]

Juliet

Are you sensing something else?

Shawn

No, no, just some water stuck in my ear from this morning's free swim.