Juliet O'Hara quotes from Psych

Shawn

Spoiler alert! I'm making you a wallet.

Juliet

Oh, my God. This is worse than my nightmare. You like it here.

Shawn

Your father's coming to your birthday! I arranged the whole thing!

Gus

We.

Shawn

We arranged the whole thing!

Juliet

You did what?!

Gus

HE arranged the whole thing.

Shawn

I know I'm in the doghouse.

Juliet

Oh, you're not in the doghouse.

Shawn

I'm not?

Juliet

No, you're going to have to work really hard to make it in to the doghouse.

Shawn

OK, so I'm in the yard, which is still an enclosed area. [sees Juliet's expression] Unless I'm in the pound. Jules, am I in the pound?! Where's Gus? Is Gus with me?

Gus

Why do I have to be in the pound?

Shawn

So we can get adopted together like two inseparable weenie dogs.

Juliet

I can't believe you hired my father!

Gus

For the record, I did not hire your father.

Juliet

Oh, you're in this, Gus. You're in deep. You're an accomplice. In fact, if this were a crime, you would be in cuffs right now.

Juliet

Where are you off to, Frank?

Ah, nowhere! Just... Thought maybe you could handle things from here.

Juliet

You know, it's funny. After Mom kicked you out and changed all the locks on the doors, I always wondered how you would sneak into my room, and leave little gifts on my nightstand. And eventually, I just figured out that you are really good at taking apart a window and putting it back together. In an out. Like a ghost.

I don't know what you mean, Jules.

Juliet

God, you are such a coward.

There's no need for that.

Juliet

Actually, there's a long overdue need for it. Your life has been so starved of honesty, that the second you feel it creeping around the corner, you are out the nearest door.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

Juliet

It's not a feeling, Frank. It's the truth. [Frank turns to walk away.] I'm not done. [Frank stops and turns back toward Juliet.] Look, I don't know if you've realized this, but I'm not a kid anymore. And I am not going to sit around and waste my time, and my tears, on missed recitals and birthdays, but what really breaks my heart... Is that you won't be there for all the moments to come.

We don't know that, Juliet.

Juliet

Yes, I do. Because that's my choice. And I don't want you there.

You don't mean that.

Juliet

Sadly, I mean every word. Because I feel cheated. I feel robbed. So congratulations, Frank. Your longest con of all was on your own daughter.

Shawn

Why do we need new friends? I have Gus. You have...whoever your friends are.

Juliet

Shawn, you're embarrassing me.

Juliet

You're acting like a child, Shawn.

Shawn

I AM NOT ACTING!

Juliet

Is there anything I can get you?

Lassiter

[pause] I wouldn't say no to a Sloppy Joe.

Juliet

You kiss her, you die.

Shawn

Duly noted.

Juliet

I don't take it personally that Shawn took on Thane's case. Even though I'm fairly certain that he is guilty.

Shawn

And I don't take it personally that Juliet feels that way. Even though she simply couldn't be "wronger".

Lassiter

[smiles] You two are so breaking up over this. And Spencer, remember, all convicts say they're innocent or they're framed or stop choking me. But at the end of the day, Thane Woodson is guilty of something.

Shawn

Not according to the Innocence Project.

Lassiter

Which is why they're high on my list of enemies. Right behind Internal Affairs, UNICAF and Lance Bass. [Juliet and Shawn look at him] Don't ask.

Lassiter

So when things fall apart with Spencer and you, Marlowe and I met the perfect person.

Juliet

That means that person is in prison... and is a woman.

Lassiter

Which one of those is the problem?

Shawn

You made out with a serial killer.

Juliet

You made out with Lassiter.

Shawn

OK, I guess that makes us even.

Shawn

Falling in love with you was never part of the plan, OK? This whole thing started because my ass was on the line. Self-preservation Jules, you gotta understand that; I didn't have a choice. And then, we sort of found a groove. And by the time you showed up, it was so much fun. We put away like over a hundred criminals. Most of them were murderers. I'm good at what I do. And what I do is good. Isn't it?

Juliet

What are you talking about? Are you telling me this is all a lie?

Shawn

Please don't make me answer that.

Gus

She's an identity thief!

Juliet

With a key to my house.

Shawn

Our house! In the middle of our street!

Juliet

Please tell me things haven't gotten further out of control.

Shawn

They have not.

Juliet

Are you being honest?

Shawn

Nope.