Gus quotes from Psych

Shawn

First the stick, then the carrot.

Gus

You don't even know what that means.

Shawn

Leave me alone.

We made notes for you. Bullet points you might wanna try to hit. Don't show any fear.

Don't split any infinitives.

Don't dangle your participles.

Gus

At least not in public.

Lassiter

Just so we're clear, [he holds his hand high]Cops are here. [he holds up his other hand, much further down] Bounty hunters are here. [he moves the first hand directly on top of the second] And psychics are here.

Gus

Dude, we beat out bounty hunters!

Lassiter

By a knuckle.

Shawn

Where are orthodontists on this list?

Shawn

The Christmas spirits told me to give this to you.

Buzz

Oh my goodness, a Daisy Red Ryder! I had one of these when I was a kid. It was the reason I wanted to become a policeman.

Shawn

Well, Merry Christmas, from me and Gus.

Buzz

Thanks, guys.

Gus

He's gonna shoot his eye out.

Shawn

Yes he is.

Gus

That was amazing. How did you know that?

Shawn

Uh, the room where I take naps shares a vent with the room where they do the psychological evals. Lassie!

Lassiter

I-I hate snow globes.

Shawn

Well, that's strange. My psychic senses told me specifically that snow globes didn't give you nightmares about being trapped in a clear ball with snow that burns your skin off. Merry Christmas from me and Gus! [turns to Juliet] Mr. Mittens says it felt just like going to sleep and he doesn't hold it against you at all. Kitty heaven? It's just like East Beach.

Juliet

That is the best news ever.

Gus

Merry Christmas, from both Shawn and--

Shawn

Whoa, whoa, this is a very special gift that's clearly just from me. Don't appropriate. Not at Christmastime.

Lassiter

Alright! Who keeps telling people I want snow globes for Christmas?!

Gus

You can't get Indian blood from working in a casino, Shawn.

Shawn

Maybe you can't.

How the hell did you two get in here? You're coming with me.

Gus

I don't think so!

Shawn

[flashing badge] BAM! Say it with me: Vis-i-tors baaaadge!

Gus

Do something. I dare you!

I'll be watching you.

Shawn

We'll be gettin' watched!

Shawn

Dude! That rock is sprayed with arterial red!

Gus

Taste it.

Shawn

Dude, what is up with that? Every time I cut myself you were like "taste it, lick it, it'll make it feel better."

Gus

It will. Taste it.

Shawn

IT'S NOT MY BLOOD!

Shawn

Well, at least that gives us the "how". Now we just gotta figure out the "why", which reminds me, Gus, will you please get us those tickets for The Who?

Gus

Where?

Henry

What the hell are you guys doing here.

Gus

This is the part where you get blindsided with Plan B. It's kinda fun when it's not happening to me!

Gus

He was a Hollywood guy. Used to write on Blossom. Decided Spanish soap operas were a better reflection of the human condition.

Shawn

Obviously, he didn't write the Blossom where she adopted a chimp and hit the road in an eighteen-wheeler.

She beat me up.

Gus

I hardly think there's a woman capable of that!

Shawn

Bea Arthur?

Gus

I stand corrected.

Gus

[about Shawn's acting in the telenovela] Okay, don't take this the wrong way, but... I think it lacks some passion.

Shawn

Passion...?

Gus

Yes.

Shawn

Do you have any idea how many pages we shot today? Eighty-three! And I'm getting by with the Spanish I learned from Charo on Love Boat.

Gus

Brazilian airport codes. How do you know that?

Shawn

I lived in an airport for a month, Gus.

Gus

That was Tom Hanks in The Terminal!

Shawn

Same difference.

Shawn

My God! Did you see who that was?

Gus

It's hard to see anything with someone's knee in your eye!

Shawn

It's your own knee!

Gus

Do not get up there and start winging it! That's not how we operate.

Shawn

Dude, where have you been for the last two years?