Gus quotes from Psych

Ok, here goes. This is so scary. I was lying in bed watching "One Tree Hill," my favorite show. Chad Michael Murray is so hot. And I had this cute little kitty alarm clock, it meows and blinks its eyes every half hour. So, all of a sudden, they just start blinking over and over and over, and then, it just stopped! And then, it let out this half meow: Mmmmraaa--! And then its tail fell off, and then... it exploded!

Shawn

Wow. Uhhh, slow build. Uhh, half meow? Unexpected. Didn't see the end coming at all. How 'bout you, Gus?

Gus

Uh, what? No, I can't say that I did. (Gus is flirting with the other members of the sorioty.)

Gus

Dude, we actually started an urban legend!

Shawn

That's dope! [they bump fists]

Lassiter

You missed something. We found prints.

Shawn

Was he in a little red corvette?

Gus

Under a cherry moon?

Lassiter

FINGER-prints!

Shawn

I'm Shawn Spenstar and this is my partner, Gus "TT" Showbiz.

Gus

The extra T is for extra talent.

Juliet

Well, I did go to cheerleader camp for two weeks. I got kicked out.

Gus

Kicked out?

Juliet

Yeah, it's a long story. Suffice to say I don't like liars who steal nail polish and then pass out when you slap them a little bit on the back of the head.

Shawn

You're mad.

Gus

I'm not mad; I'm happy, I'm thrilled. I love looking like an idiot.

Shawn

That explains your shoes.

Shawn

Don't panic. Those bites are consistent with a T-Rex bite.

Gus

You know that?

Shawn

Yes, I know that. [shows picture of himself in the mouth of a T-Rex skeleton] I was canned from the Wyoming National Museum for that shot. The bruises didn't go away for a year, but it was totally worth it. It was my best screensaver ever!

Shawn

I can play six degrees of dinosaur with you right now... You've never been in a movie with Kevin Bacon or a dilophosaurus, have you?

Gus

How about you play six degrees of kiss my ass?

Shawn

First of all, that sounds like a totally disturbing game.

Gus

What are we looking for anyway?

Shawn

Anything that points to criminal activity. You know... a white cloth sack with a green dollar sign. A red barrel labeled "TNT." An anvil. Anything.

Gus

[picking up a rim] Check this out!

Shawn

What, you have something? The point of those examples was to imply it wouldn't be so obvious.

Stop trying to figure it out!

Shawn

(Continuing jumping up and down) I can't help it!

Gus

I wrote the location down.

Shawn

This says "In the middle of a field". Why did you have to write that down?

Gus

The address is on the back.

Gus

Are you crazy?!

Shawn

I wouldn't say crazy... maybe an eccentric who looks good in jeans.

Juliet

Shawn, how do you know this?

Shawn

The same way that I know that as a child Lassie wanted nothing more than a pony.

Lassiter

Oh, come on. Who didn't?

Gus

Anyone who wasn't an 8 year-old girl.

Gus

That's what killed... That's what killed HIS NOSE!!!

What?

Gus

Shawn, your horoscopes suck. Yours are all way too specific.

Shawn

Maybe I wrote them with specific people in mind.

Shawn

[sees Lassiter and gasps] It's a miracle!

Gus

Thank God you're all right!

Shawn

We heard a cop named Lassie died. Jules, tell me you got the flowers.

Lassiter

Lassie III was a retired police dog.

Gus

From the obit, it's amazing what you two had in common--strong, dedicated, loyal.

Shawn

Bouts with ringworm, expressive eyes, goes like this after he poops. [theatrically wipes his feet on the ground]