Gus quotes from Psych

Gus

I have to get back to work.

Shawn

Gus? The plot is thickening!

Gus

Shawn, I've already missed two days this week.

Shawn

Oh, fine, fine, fine. I respect your wishes. Jerk chicken.

Gus

You know that's right.

Shawn

There he is.

Gus

What time is it?

Shawn

Day time.

Gus

What happened?

Shawn

Uh... I might have dropped six allergy pills in your Frosty while you were peeing.

Shawn

This place is trashed.

Gus

Maybe Johnny Depp stopped by.

Shawn

I'm sorry, did that joke just arrive in a time machine from 1992?

Shawn

Dude. Some guy in a wolf costume with a light saber just said hi to you.

Gus

[evasive] I don't know that guy.

Shawn

He looked right at you.

Gus

He was mistaken.

Shawn

He said, 'Hi, Gus.' And then, another dude with a cape and a codpiece gave you a half-nod.

Gus

Let me get this straight. You pulled me out of work to investigate a case, which is not a case, in which we probably won't get paid?

Shawn

Who are you kidding? I pulled you out of a Starbucks where you were pretending to finish your route you actually finished yesterday, so we could do a small favor for Juliet, that will grant us much larger favors in the future! Preferably ones that can't be mentioned in the presence of nuns or men of God.

Gus

What are you doing? We don't know anything about delivering warthog babies.

Shawn

Ah, babies are babies. You just pull it out at the right time. The real question is, are you allergic to placenta?

Gus

Oh God, my eyes!

Shawn

Captain Conners, how are you sir?

[He has memory problems] Look at you fellas, all grown up. How long's it been?

Shawn

About a day.

Gus

Less, actually.

Shawn

Simba, I am your father.

Gus

I don't think Mufasa has ever said that

Shawn

Mufasa, Vader, I'm Not Rappaport, it's all James Earl Jones.

Shawn

You OK?

Lassiter

Alright, I'll bite. What's the joke?

Shawn

Just want to make sure you got home alright last night.

Lassiter

From what?

Shawn

From the bar.

Lassiter

What bar?

Juliet

You were at a bar?

Lassiter

No, I wasn't at a bar! I don't drink.

Juliet

You don't drink?

Lassiter

Well, a bit of wine at weddings. An occasional snifter of brandy. Maybe a good single-malt scotch.

Gus

Sounds like drinking to me.

Lassiter

Spencer, why don't you stop making up stories, OK, that are obviously bogus?

Shawn

OK, so you were not at Tom Blair's Pub last night?

Lassiter

I don't even know who Tom Blair is.

Shawn

Mmmhmm. And how'd you get that sweet, uh, bruise on your forehead?

Lassiter

I had an altercation.

Shawn

Yes. With a table.

Gus

And while you were out drinking last night and taking on free cases, I was up half the night dreaming about whether gelcaps are more effective than the tablets.

Shawn

First of all, tablets. Always tablets, that's a given. Secondly, I've been having this re-occurring dream where I'm flying over Auckland on the back of a swan made primarily of cocoa. His name is Clem. But, your dream is pretty interesting, too.

Gus

Don't you watch the news?

Shawn

I can't watch Channel 8 anymore. Lloyd Lansing wears a toupee. It's like every newscast begins with a lie.

Gus

Look! They call her the "School Marm Murderer."

Shawn

OK, first of all, there's a question-mark at the end of that. They call her the "School Marm MURDERER?" Even the news people aren't convinced. And today at the courthouse, in the middle of the conversation, I saw her bend over, and picked up a piece of trash!

Gus

Oh I see, so she picked up somebody's Kit-Kat wrap-up means she didn't kill anybody? That makes sense.

Gus

Wait a second! This is my Airwolf windbreaker! I've been looking for this for like five years now! Why did you take this? I never even saw you wear it.

Shawn

Of course I didn't wear it. I took it so you wouldn't. Don't put it on. Gus, nobody had an Airwolf jacket except Jan-Michael Vincent!

Shawn

We find the mystery lover, we find her.

Gus

Dude. Why don't I ever get to say things like that?

Gus

I need face time with my boss; I already missed the pamper pole trust exercise.

Shawn

I'm uncomfortable with you even saying the words "pamper pole."

Shawn

Right, I'd never seen a girl lie about entering the witness protection program.

Gus

She wasn't lying, Shawn.

Shawn

Gus, I saw her at Starbucks.

Gus

You can't be sure of that.

Shawn

She was wearing a name tag, she had a plaque on the wall. Employee of the Month. Her hobbies were hiding, and lying about hiding.