Shawn Spencer quotes from Psych

Shawn

Good talk, Dad. I gotta run. Actually, there is one more thing. Do you think I could borrow your underpants? Just for ten minutes.

Henry

...What?

Shawn

Oh, come on! These are iconic film references I'm making, here!

Shawn

Life insurance policy?

Gus

It doesn't make any sense.

Shawn

Tell me about it. ...Dude, seriously, tell me about it. I have no idea what this means.

Gus

You never could understand legalese.

Shawn

Oh really? Remind me who it was who set up our Psych 401(k)s?

Gus

Oh, you mean our 601(k)s? Because India doesn't have 401(k)s.

Shawn

It's a growth economy, Gus. We've already made, like, 500 rupee.

Gus

That's thirteen dollars.

Shawn

They call this a motorcycle show? There's like four motorcycles here. They don't even have the bike from Blue Thunder.

Gus

That was a helicopter.

Shawn

...[Dutch] jumped Springfield Gorge.

Gus

That was Homer Simpson.

Henry

We didn't do anything wrong; we didn't break any laws. Oh no! Oh no! What- What did you do Shawn?

Shawn

Nothing. It's just that laws keep changing. It's getting very challenging to keep up with them all. For example, did you know that it is now illegal to give a possum a perm?

Shawn

Don't I get a phone call or something?

Lassiter

No.

Shawn

Fine. How about a text message? I'll be quick, I just need to respond "OMG LOL." Here's a question: how do you make a face that's winking with the tongue coming out one side?

Vick

Let me be frank.

Shawn

As long as I can be Dean and Gus can be Sammy.

Gus

Why do I always have to be Sammy?

Shawn

Fine, he's Sammy. That makes you Joey Bishop. Is that what you really want? You want to be Joey Bishop?

Juliet

SHAWN!

Shawn

Jules, how often does someone set you up with "Let me be Frank"?

Juliet

Shawn, don't forget that you are in a lot of trouble here and I am probably the only person in this room who cares to see you get out of it. Now it's 2:30 in the morning; we've been here for hours. Enough with the jokes; stop delaying and tell us what we want to hear!

Shawn

[turns to Gus stunned] Oh my God, that was so hot.

Vick

Now, Mr. Spencer.

[together] Yes?

Vick

Oh, I meant the older... Sorry, not old... less...

Shawn

Handsome? Less hair? Less friends on Facebook?

Henry

Less nose...

Shawn

I got roped into doing a silly interview with The Independent. They've been calling me, begging, for weeks, and I finally relented.

You called me.

Shawn

And you called me back, which means we're both right.

Shawn

The important thing is that you got your cover story.

Actually, it's page 64.

Shawn

It really depends on how you fold it, doesn't it?

It goes without saying, Mr. Spencer, that your father is in no way to participate in this investigation. He's no longer on the force, and his meddling could compromise the case in court. Do I make myself clear?

Shawn

Yes you do, Chief. What isn't clear is why people always say "goes without saying," yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn't that bother you?

No! And frankly, I could care less.

Gus

Now that's the one that bothers me. Why do people say "I could care less" when they really mean "I couldn't care less"?

Well, why don't you tell me how to properly say this? If you share any official information about this case with your father, or let him anywhere near any new evidence, then the two of you will have to find another police department to work for, and I will personally see to it that each of you is charged with obstruction of justice.

Gus

You split an infinitive.

Shawn

Good catch, Gus!

You two realize I carry a gun, right?

Gus

That was perfectly elocuted.

You're sure your father doesn't want to come inside?

Shawn

Oh, no, no, no. He's clinically insane. And a biter.

Henry

I'm a tax-paying, voting citizen, therefore I have a right to speak to any elected official, such as the DA, I please.

Shawn

You don't have to be a... tax-paying voting citizen, do you?

Lassiter

Spencer, I'd appreciate in the future if you'd just play with your life.

Shawn

Oh, come on, Lassie. If Derek hadn't caved, I would have just deactivated [the bomb] myself. It's very easy, you just clip the red wire and the green wire at the same time.

Juliet

Uh, Shawn, there is no green wire.

Shawn

Really? Well in that case, we all would have died.

Gus

I can't get over it. After all this time the chief never said she had a sister.

Shawn

Strange.

Lassiter

And such an alluring sister at that.

Shawn

Creepy.