Phineas and Ferb · Season 1
Ahh! Hey, do you know that it's rude to take a peek to try to spy on you?!
Sorry.
What are you guys doing?!
Well you know how we do something new everyday?
[sarcastically] No!
Oh, well, we build a big project or do something-
I'm aware of the concept Phineas, I was just being sarcastic.
Really? Hey, that was pretty good. I totally fell for it. Hey Ferb, I totally fell for it.
Anyway...
I'm trying to think of things that Mom likes.
Oh, so many things, really. Music, hobbies, you kids. Ooh! You know, what she really likes, is my famous Rhubarb Crème Brulee. I used to make it for her all the time when we were dating. Oh, it made her so happy. [Candace gets up and leaves] You know, I should get out my toque and blowtorch and make one for her today. What a good idea Candace. Thank-you. [The sound of the door opens and closes] Candace? Well, all right then.
No you should not, I created the world's largest wedgie machine.
Uh, you tried to eliminate the atmosphere, one time.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Enter. Agent P, we have a situation.
Is this about that grape joke? Who told on me? Was it the duck?!
That's not why I called you in. Get a look at this! This is Newton the Gnu. He was assigned to Dr. Diminutive, but it appears that some bonehead blew his cover on the blogosphere. We still haven't found out who it was. In the meantime, We need you to bring him in. Get on it, Agent P! Oh, and, uh, take Doofenshmirtz with you.
A ride-along? Sweet! I can wear my new fedora!
Get out of here! [Doofenshmirtz and Perry leave, then Carl is seen with a mail cart] Carl, get in here! When you're done delivering the mail, I want you to wash and wax my car. You know, a little wax on, wax off? It'll teach you karate.
No, it won't.
[notices Vanessa feeling very depressed after breaking up with her boyfriend Johnny on the phone] So, what's wrong, Vanessa? You seem upset.
Nothing. It's just..... Johnny, he's such a boy. I'm sick of it! No ambition, no depth....
You always go for the wrong type of guys, these bad boy types.
[smiles] Dad, perhaps you haven't noticed, but you're evil. [hugs him]
Hey, there's good evil and there's bad evil. Am I right, Rodrigo?
Exactly. [makes a crazy face at Vanessa, who then smiles at him]
I just can't believe it's gone!
Aw, don't be blue. All we've gotta do is wait a couple of hours—
Ew, disgusting!
What? My brother will be here with my backup. What were you think- [realizes] Oh, that is disgusting!
Oh nice try but the mustache thing was still weirder.
[meeting his inner self] Hey, you look a little familiar.
I should. I'm the inner you.
Inner me? Are you the one who's been making the good -inators?!
I was tryin' to HELP YOU, YOU FAGGOT!?
Uh-oh.
Oops.
That's it, just a little more. Not so hard, you'll over-tighten it! Like your brain! Now, let's get a glimpse at what this baby can do. [Cake-inator fires]
Well least things could get anyworse.
Ugh, dude, what the >BLEEP< happened?! Dude, is this cake?! [Hug-inator fires]
The cake is hugging us!
Don't worry, it's not so bad! We can eat our way out! [Confetti-inator fires] Ugh! I can't eat it now, it's covered in paper!
Why not?! [An angrily Doofenshmirtz and his inner self seeing Perry flying away after he destroys the three -inators]
We interrupted your regularly scheduled program to go live with our correspondent Gordon Gufsofanemu.
[sighs] Listen, Stacy. UFO. Me day. No blow up in face! FACE!
[on phone] Well, now that you've put it crazy...
Back at my stories. Taking a me day.
Hello lads!
Hi Dad!
What the (BLEEP) are you boys doing?!
I was just telling Buford about phone booths.
And I'm not buying it!
Oh no Buford, they were real. They were tiny rooms where you could talk on the phone in private.
Yeah! And you'd have to put coins in them to make calls.
You guys are blowing my mind!
Speaking of coins... What's this here? Behind your ear? [Reaches behind Phineas's ear] It's a quarter!
How the (BLEEP) did you do that?!
A magician never reveals his secrets. [Walks away]
Your dad's really great at tricks!
Not really, I just keep a bunch of quarters behind my ear 'cause he enjoys it so much. [Pulls a handful of quarters from behind his ear]
And please join me in welcoming the winners of the Danville Young Film Makers contest, Phineas and Ferb!
Aw, crud.
Come in. Sit down, Agent P. We have a serious problem. It seems that someone, and I'm not saying who, someone has spilled on the couch in the lobby.
Sir, I-
A very expensive couch when we bought it in 1985.
Sir, all I did was turn the cushion over, the stain was already...
If the responsible party is present...
Sir, it was Agent M. He spilled a latte in 1990.
Ugh. We were hoping to get him here a couple of years out of that couch...
Any who?
Any who, our surveillance operatives have been getting some mixed signals from Doofenshmirtz. He was observed at the Danville Library, checking out books on Eastern Australia and hydrostatic cell fusion. We haven't come up with any ideas about what he's up to.
Maybe he's trying to recreate Pangaea, sir.
Like I said, we haven't come up with anything yet.
[inspecting the State-of-the-Matter Transfer Device her brothers invented] What is this thing? Some sort of souped-up techno-geek camera? I wonder what it... [accidentally zaps herself and turns into liquid; angrily] Phineas and Ferb! [A bird comes down and bathes on her] No! Get off! Ew! [gargles; the bird flies off, leaving her in four puddles]
Well, that's funny. I could've sworn she said backyard. Oh, well. If anyone needs me, I'll be washing a ton. [chuckles]
Let's see, we've got horseradish, durians, and turmeric.
I've got a mountain yam.
I cannot wait to taste liquified sea salt. [steps on a Candace puddle]
Hey! Watch where you're steering those sneakers, bub!
[Baljeet shrieks]
Candace? You're a smoothie?!
Phineas, you've got to fix this!
That is so cool! What does it feel like?
It feels like you're in big trouble!
Ferb, we're gonna need some sponges and a bucket.
[filling the bucket with Candace-liquid] Okay, these are the last drops of her.
Hurry up and change me before that bird comes back!
Sure thing, Candace. We reversed the polarity, and it should do the trick. Now, try not to ripple. [zaps the bucket]
[in the shape of the bucket] This does not feel like the reverse of being a bucket of water.
Hmm, so it would seem.
I don't know, I kinda like her like that. She looks like "Cand-berry sauce."
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Phineas and Ferb pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
