Candace quotes from Phineas and Ferb

Candace

[threateningly] Phineas and Ferb, I am busting your biscuits!

Phineas

I say bow chika bow wow- [points to Candace] Candace! [the spotlight hits Candace]

Candace

[silent for a few seconds] Wait a minute! [turns to Phineas] What are you doing?!

Phineas

I'm cuing you?

Candace

How did you get a hit single?

Candace

That's it! I'm gonna tell mom.

Phineas

Okay, tell her what?

Candace

Doh! I'm just going to tell! [leaves the stage]

Candace

[to Phineas and Ferb] What are you doing to Mom's car?!

Phineas

We tricked it out!

Candace

Phineas! Phineas! PHINEAS!

Hey! I can't hear the cars!

Phineas

Okay, Candace. This is a very important scene. It is nothing less than the emotional backbone of the whole film. Oh, and the villagers are coming at you with everything they've got.

Candace

Phineas, what do you mean the villag...

Phineas

Action! [Ferb throws miniature bullets at Candace] The Air Force! [Ferb throws miniature planes at Candace] The Space Aramada from the planet Plumbing Supplies! [Ferb throws plumbing supplies at Candace] Beautiful! Thats a Print! [Ginger whispers to Phineas. Phineas removes the lens cap from the camera] Oh, that's a little embarrassing. Okay, people, nice rehearsal, let's take it from the top. [Candace has a very angry look on her face]

Candace

[wearing a tropical banana hat] Wow! Is this banana hat for some cool tropical dance number?

Phineas

We're trying to come up with some exciting camera angles for the big chase scene, so we strapped a camera onto this starving monkey.

Phineas

[chuckles] Sorry that monkey cam didn't work out. We're gonna try it with Ferb this time. [Ferb has a camera strapped to his head. Phineas hands Candace a sub sandwich] Now take this sandwich and remember, Ferb hasn't eaten lunch yet.

Candace

Mom! Finally, indisputable photographic evidence of dangerous and irresponsible behavior!

Linda

Candace, this is your thumb in front of the lens.

Candace

Is it the mall?

Linda

No.

Candace

Okay. [beat] But it's the mall, right?

Candace

Argh! My brothers are just driving me crazy!

Vanessa

You should try spending an hour with my dad sometime.

Phineas

[washing up on the sidewalk outside with Ferb and Candace] Hey Candace, you missed all the fun! Allow me to introduce our mummy.[turning to see only banages] Hey, where's our mummy? Mummy? MUMMY?!?

Well, Mummy has supper waiting for us at home. [seeing her look dishevled] Candace, why are you all wet?

Candace

[growling and grinding her teeth] Grrr!

Ferb

You know, mummies had their brains pulled out through their nose.

Candace

[still fuming] The lucky ones!

Now you can go clean the toilet.

Candace

No way! We are not your personal slaves! Right, Stacy?

Stacy

[cleaning a toilet] Yay, a Betty Bowl Brush!

Fantastic! You look like number one!

Candace

I feel like number two.

That's the spirit!

Candace

I sure got you guys. You should have seen your faces! Only unsophisticated, immature brains would believe in monsters. Yes, it takes a mature adult such as myself to know that... there's... [sees Dr. Doofenshmirtz running from fake Bigfoots] no... such thing as... G-G-G-BIGFOOT! [runs away screaming; the kids look over and see nothing]

Baljeet

Well, I do not believe her one bit. Too much overacting.

Candace

Wait a minute! I can still give Mom the one thing the boys can't, the gift of music! Played on my friend: the bass. [Doofenshmirtz's Shrinkspheria shrinks the bass as she begins to play it] Huh, oh well, it's a good thing I play the banjo! [the banjo shrinks] It's a good thing I play the bassoon! [the bassoon shrinks] It's a good thing I play the bugle! [the bugle shrinks] It's a good thing I play the bongos! [the bongos shrink]

Five minutes later...

Candace

[frantically] It's a good thing I play the balailaka! [the balailaka shrinks] It's a good thing I play the bagpipes! [the bagpipes shrink] I should have manned the omelette station!

Candace

[almost crying] Oohhh! I can't believe I am just stuck here. I can't believe I'll never get to get my driver's license or wear my dream dress to the prom. [sitting down and drawing in the mud] But most of all, I can't believe I'll never see Jeremy again. How long are we supposed to just sit here?

Phineas

I don't know. Ferb and I have decided to use this time as an opportunity to practice patience.

Candace

[despairingly] Lovely. Well I suppose things can't get any worse. [it starts to rain] Oh look, the world's first bad hair day... [seeing the T-Rex right over them] So Phineas, where's this rescue party you sent for?

Phineas

Hmm. It occurs to me I may have misspelled "time machine" in the plans.

Ferb

Well, I hope that's not going to be an issue.